Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Saturday, March 29, 2008

A message from Iraq ...

Loosing a brother Is really hard, we asked Rita to write her story to be published in our blogs, and I told her I’ll contact the journalists I know to publish her story, her voice should be heard, and Raffi’s memory should be remembered always ..
Raffi, you was and will always be a model for me, and many others, I want you to know, you’ll always be in our hearts, and people will remember you as the kindest person ever, your smile, your behavior, and everything in your personality is unique, I feel honored to type what Rita wrote about you, I feel sorry because we will miss you, but in the same time I know you are in heaven, may your soul rest in peace, …
Now, I leave you with what she wrote :-

"I am an university student in the collage of pharmacy, a daughter of a small and highly educated family, the youngest sister of one single brother and a kind married sister, we live in a city named “ Mosul” in Iraq, in a simple house among kind neighbors ..
Being the youngest, my family deal with me in a special manner, and I love them in an incredible manner, specially my brother, we were more than sister and brother, we were close friends, each of us was ready to sacrifice his soul for the other, he was so kind guy, funny, lovely, so faithful, fair, ambitious, had many aspirations also he didn’t hurt anyone even by a word.
He was a graduate of computer science collage, of Baghdad university, he changed his job many times due to security circumstances, and he was unable to find a job suitable with his experiences, at last he was working in a shop of so kind people, he loved and respected them a lot, his work place was dangerous but he had to work, to live and arrange his future.
As all Iraqis, he was always worry about the worsening situation which was life threatening and danger exists everywhere.
On 18/3/2008, I woke up early to go to collage, unlike everyday, I left home without seeing and joking with him, because I was in a hurry.. during his job that day, a car-bomb exploded in his work place area and a metallic splint penetrated his clear and kind heart directly… by this way, I simply lost my only brother who was everything in my life, and till this moment I don’t know why or what was his guilt to die in this young age !
When I knew about his death, I didn’t believe, until I saw him in the woody tomb, he was so white, sleeping as angel, also was smiling to me … we kissed him for the last time, and knew he went to heaven, because he was faithful, fair, kind person, also he died as a martyr ..
My parents became so weak, simply because they lost oldest and only son who was to held the family name, was to make his own family, was helping my daddy in this life, and was everything for all of us.
Sure I was sad too, and I found myself in a hard stance, I didn’t know what to do!! Although all of our neighbors, and friends helped us but it was hard for us . I cried till my tears finished, I became so sorry on all members of my family too, I was very worry about their health, then I started to think logically and found that I am lucky to have a brother in heaven, flying with angels, near our GOD as all innocents people in this world, also I am lucky to be surrounded by true friends, postgraduates, and undergraduates, kind Dr.s who teach me, and helpful people .. also I found that I’ve to be strong to be able to carry my family’s responsibilities, encourage them and fill his place .. not to lose them anymore, I know it is too much for a twenty one years old female, but I’ve no choice, I love my brother a lot, so I am ready to bear anything for him, specially when I know he is in a place where only rare people can join.
Since I love him a lot, I decided to write these words as a message to him, telling him that I always wished the best for him and I am ready to do anything I can to tell the world about a person who was a diamond for us and is a candle who will keep to light up my life for ever, giving me hope for future, to make my dreams true, for myself, my family, and for my country , also his souvenirs will live with me every moment in my life and every time I look at the sky and stars (as we always used to do).
I want my brother’s story be a simple and direct message to the world, to have attention about those innocent Iraqis who die everyday without guilt and their spirits be stolen suddenly in such way..
I ask everyone who reads my words, just to close his eyes for seconds.. feel me .. and imagine the hard life in which Iraqis are living in .. if you do, help us to object this situation in my country, because no one except god has right to take our spirits from us, because it is not fair.. also I ask you to pray for him to make his soul comfort, and his guilt to be forgiven and be happy by hearing your prayers
Yours’ ,
The loyal sister,
Rita Jan Thomas Poushijian. "

Very truthful, and powerful words, from an loyal sister..

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Why ?????? ....

I couldn’t write a post I was really busy with my exams, and homework, I finished my book manuscript and Luke edited it for me, I’ll send it to uncle and he’ll contact my friends who said they can help me by finding a publisher.
It has been the hardest two week in my life.
First we were threatened by terrorists who wanted to kill my dad, I spent the whole nights thinking, and crying, I was in shock, and terrified.
I couldn’t study anything, I couldn’t concentrate and I did horrible in all of my exams, I am expecting low marks, during the classed I kept wondering with tears in my eyes, what will happen next? Will they Kill my dad? Kidnap one of my family members? Why ? we’re not rich, don’t belong to any political party, very simple family, and never harmed anyone, what do those terrorists want? Money? Or they just want to terrify us?..
On Friday morning, my mom told me that dad was asking her to take care of the kids, and his parents, I went to my room, opened my book to study but I burst into tears, and cried for long time until I was unable to open my eyes, and my book page was completely wet. I throw the book away, and kept blaming myself and cry for not doing my best to fix my relationship with dad, I was telling myself, what have I done? If something bad happens to dad, I won’t forgive myself ever, part of me was ordering me to go to my dad, apologize and make sure he forgives me for every time I was adversarial to him, for every word I said and made him upset, for every night I slept without wishing him a good night, but I couldn’t, I was tight, I don’t know why..
I suffered from horrible headache and insomnia, I want my dad to see me publishing my first book, graduating from the best collage, being successful person in my life, and more important I want to be so nice to him and make him forget everything, every disparity we had, & every time we argued, I hope he’ll forget those memories.. and be proud of the girl he raised, although he tells me he’s proud but I want to make him even more prouder..
Dad wasn’t prefect with me, he’s out of temper and not optimistic, we have very different personalities that’s why we argue a lot.. but I know he loves me more than anyone else, and want the best for me, he’d do anything to make sure I have the best life ever, it is just that we look at the same thing and see it in different way, we have different perspectives . we love each other , but for some reasons, our relationship became bad
I want my dad to remain safe, and I’ll accept him in the way he’s.. and I wouldn’t replace him with any father in the whole planet ..
My dad doesn’t know how did I feel in the last 2 weeks, how did I spend my time, or how sorry I was, he doesn’t know how terrified I felt from the idea or losing him, I was really worried, and I realized how much I love him, but I don’t have the courage to tell him..
I’ll give 200% of my energy to fix our relationship, I know my friend R would do anything to bring her father back to life, or even spend one more day with her daddy, remember the good days together, and apologies for every time she acted selfishly or bothered her father, she was devastated when she lost him , she wore black clothes for a whole year, locked herself in her room, and I was really worried that she may loose her mind or become more depressed . until now her eyes fill with tears each time she remember him, I feel her pain, and know how much does she miss her dad..
today as soon as I reached home, my mom’ face was pale, she looked terrified, she told me that a big explosion near my relative’s office occurred, thank god they are alive, in the afternoon my parents decided to visit them, I didn’t have exam so I went with them, my mom called her friend who has a clinic near the explosion, & mama kept saying ““ NOO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? OH NO OH NO “ , she ended that call and said “ Dr. S said that Ravi was killed in that explosion, Dr. S’s clinic damages were 75%, but she wished it was damaged 100% and didn’t lose Ravi .
Ravi is the sweetest guy, and the best neighbor, he was the first one who taught me how to use internet, he’s about 37 years old, very shy, very polite, loved by everyone, he’d never hurt anyone, or anything not even an ant, his sister Rita is my best friend, and the whole family is lovely, they don’t have relatives in Iraq, they lost them in their emigration from Armenia to Iraq, and they don’t have anyone to share their good and bad events with but their friends and neighbors..
Ravi is truly remarkable person, his dad is a professor, and whatever I say I can’t sympathize him, he surely doesn’t deserve to die because of a extremist, crazy person who exploded a car in the middle of a local market, I can’t say anything but may god bless his soul , and give his family, neighbors and friends patience to get through this unexpected and tragic event.
Rita sent me a message saying “ I lost my brother, my brother died” it’s devastating, there isn’t any family in Iraq who hasn’t been threatened, or lost a son, father, daughter, or a friend, there isn’t any family that didn’t see the house they live in damaged, we are all hurt, but we’ll continue praying to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. In this week three big explosions happened near my school and the roads were blocked, and we hear explosions the whole time..
I don’t cry easily, but I spent those two weeks crying most of the time, I am depressed, terrified, sad, and in this moment I have no hope..
I heard in news that the violent will increase in Mosul..

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Everyman is the architect of his own fortunes..

School started last Sunday & I got my marks, they are good, and I got one of the highest in my class, but I wasn’t satisfied with physics’ mark, I didn’t get the mark I was seeking for..
I got 96% in English, 92% in French, and 91% in Arabic which is really awesome, taking high marks in French and Arabic in My school is like “mission impossible”. And what made me extremely happy is that my essay in Arabic got the highest mark, one of the best essays I’ve ever wrote.
“Z” (my school-mate) who was injured in the explosion attended school, when I saw her for the first time, I was shocked, her face is defaced, she didn’t look like herself, but the most important thing is she’s alive, and no matter how does she look from the outside, she’ll remain the” Z” I knew from inside.
“Z” is one of the smartest students in the sixth class, this year will define her future career depending on the marks she’ll get in the final exams .
After the 5th class, many students study in the Summer holiday preparing for the sixth class, they choose the teachers they want, create a group contain 8 or 10 students and they take the class in the teacher’s house or in one of the students’ house, some students prefer to study the scientific subjects only, while others prefer to study both scientific & literary subjects, we call it the private lessons, for many it is expensive, as you know the unemployment in Iraq is increasing, and the salaries are not high, my friend will stay in her grandparents’ house in Mosul because the cost of the private lessons in Mosul is less than Baghdad (about 250000-300000 Dinars for each subjects in Mosul)..
for me I’ll study physics, mathematics, chemistry, and Arabic in the summer holiday, because the teachers in school can’t finish the whole curricula during the academic year, and I can’t make sure if the situation will be good and I’ll be able to attend school everyday.. beside some teachers don’t explain well, and when students ask them to explain the lesson again they say “why? All of you attend private lessons”..
My mom got one of the highest marks in her school, and she didn’t study anything during the summer holiday. she could attend the best university in Iraq, at that time the teachers used to do their best and make sure every student understand the lesson, unfortunately nowadays some teachers refuse to answer our questions, and don’t explain well.
The post was quite short, because I have very limited time of electricity …