Why ?????? ....
I couldn’t write a post I was really busy with my exams, and homework, I finished my book manuscript and Luke edited it for me, I’ll send it to uncle and he’ll contact my friends who said they can help me by finding a publisher.
It has been the hardest two week in my life.
First we were threatened by terrorists who wanted to kill my dad, I spent the whole nights thinking, and crying, I was in shock, and terrified.
I couldn’t study anything, I couldn’t concentrate and I did horrible in all of my exams, I am expecting low marks, during the classed I kept wondering with tears in my eyes, what will happen next? Will they Kill my dad? Kidnap one of my family members? Why ? we’re not rich, don’t belong to any political party, very simple family, and never harmed anyone, what do those terrorists want? Money? Or they just want to terrify us?..
On Friday morning, my mom told me that dad was asking her to take care of the kids, and his parents, I went to my room, opened my book to study but I burst into tears, and cried for long time until I was unable to open my eyes, and my book page was completely wet. I throw the book away, and kept blaming myself and cry for not doing my best to fix my relationship with dad, I was telling myself, what have I done? If something bad happens to dad, I won’t forgive myself ever, part of me was ordering me to go to my dad, apologize and make sure he forgives me for every time I was adversarial to him, for every word I said and made him upset, for every night I slept without wishing him a good night, but I couldn’t, I was tight, I don’t know why..
I suffered from horrible headache and insomnia, I want my dad to see me publishing my first book, graduating from the best collage, being successful person in my life, and more important I want to be so nice to him and make him forget everything, every disparity we had, & every time we argued, I hope he’ll forget those memories.. and be proud of the girl he raised, although he tells me he’s proud but I want to make him even more prouder..
Dad wasn’t prefect with me, he’s out of temper and not optimistic, we have very different personalities that’s why we argue a lot.. but I know he loves me more than anyone else, and want the best for me, he’d do anything to make sure I have the best life ever, it is just that we look at the same thing and see it in different way, we have different perspectives . we love each other , but for some reasons, our relationship became bad
I want my dad to remain safe, and I’ll accept him in the way he’s.. and I wouldn’t replace him with any father in the whole planet ..
My dad doesn’t know how did I feel in the last 2 weeks, how did I spend my time, or how sorry I was, he doesn’t know how terrified I felt from the idea or losing him, I was really worried, and I realized how much I love him, but I don’t have the courage to tell him..
I’ll give 200% of my energy to fix our relationship, I know my friend R would do anything to bring her father back to life, or even spend one more day with her daddy, remember the good days together, and apologies for every time she acted selfishly or bothered her father, she was devastated when she lost him , she wore black clothes for a whole year, locked herself in her room, and I was really worried that she may loose her mind or become more depressed . until now her eyes fill with tears each time she remember him, I feel her pain, and know how much does she miss her dad..
today as soon as I reached home, my mom’ face was pale, she looked terrified, she told me that a big explosion near my relative’s office occurred, thank god they are alive, in the afternoon my parents decided to visit them, I didn’t have exam so I went with them, my mom called her friend who has a clinic near the explosion, & mama kept saying ““ NOO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? OH NO OH NO “ , she ended that call and said “ Dr. S said that Ravi was killed in that explosion, Dr. S’s clinic damages were 75%, but she wished it was damaged 100% and didn’t lose Ravi .
Ravi is the sweetest guy, and the best neighbor, he was the first one who taught me how to use internet, he’s about 37 years old, very shy, very polite, loved by everyone, he’d never hurt anyone, or anything not even an ant, his sister Rita is my best friend, and the whole family is lovely, they don’t have relatives in Iraq, they lost them in their emigration from Armenia to Iraq, and they don’t have anyone to share their good and bad events with but their friends and neighbors..
Ravi is truly remarkable person, his dad is a professor, and whatever I say I can’t sympathize him, he surely doesn’t deserve to die because of a extremist, crazy person who exploded a car in the middle of a local market, I can’t say anything but may god bless his soul , and give his family, neighbors and friends patience to get through this unexpected and tragic event.
Rita sent me a message saying “ I lost my brother, my brother died” it’s devastating, there isn’t any family in Iraq who hasn’t been threatened, or lost a son, father, daughter, or a friend, there isn’t any family that didn’t see the house they live in damaged, we are all hurt, but we’ll continue praying to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. In this week three big explosions happened near my school and the roads were blocked, and we hear explosions the whole time..
I don’t cry easily, but I spent those two weeks crying most of the time, I am depressed, terrified, sad, and in this moment I have no hope..
I heard in news that the violent will increase in Mosul..