Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Why ?????? ....

I couldn’t write a post I was really busy with my exams, and homework, I finished my book manuscript and Luke edited it for me, I’ll send it to uncle and he’ll contact my friends who said they can help me by finding a publisher.
It has been the hardest two week in my life.
First we were threatened by terrorists who wanted to kill my dad, I spent the whole nights thinking, and crying, I was in shock, and terrified.
I couldn’t study anything, I couldn’t concentrate and I did horrible in all of my exams, I am expecting low marks, during the classed I kept wondering with tears in my eyes, what will happen next? Will they Kill my dad? Kidnap one of my family members? Why ? we’re not rich, don’t belong to any political party, very simple family, and never harmed anyone, what do those terrorists want? Money? Or they just want to terrify us?..
On Friday morning, my mom told me that dad was asking her to take care of the kids, and his parents, I went to my room, opened my book to study but I burst into tears, and cried for long time until I was unable to open my eyes, and my book page was completely wet. I throw the book away, and kept blaming myself and cry for not doing my best to fix my relationship with dad, I was telling myself, what have I done? If something bad happens to dad, I won’t forgive myself ever, part of me was ordering me to go to my dad, apologize and make sure he forgives me for every time I was adversarial to him, for every word I said and made him upset, for every night I slept without wishing him a good night, but I couldn’t, I was tight, I don’t know why..
I suffered from horrible headache and insomnia, I want my dad to see me publishing my first book, graduating from the best collage, being successful person in my life, and more important I want to be so nice to him and make him forget everything, every disparity we had, & every time we argued, I hope he’ll forget those memories.. and be proud of the girl he raised, although he tells me he’s proud but I want to make him even more prouder..
Dad wasn’t prefect with me, he’s out of temper and not optimistic, we have very different personalities that’s why we argue a lot.. but I know he loves me more than anyone else, and want the best for me, he’d do anything to make sure I have the best life ever, it is just that we look at the same thing and see it in different way, we have different perspectives . we love each other , but for some reasons, our relationship became bad
I want my dad to remain safe, and I’ll accept him in the way he’s.. and I wouldn’t replace him with any father in the whole planet ..
My dad doesn’t know how did I feel in the last 2 weeks, how did I spend my time, or how sorry I was, he doesn’t know how terrified I felt from the idea or losing him, I was really worried, and I realized how much I love him, but I don’t have the courage to tell him..
I’ll give 200% of my energy to fix our relationship, I know my friend R would do anything to bring her father back to life, or even spend one more day with her daddy, remember the good days together, and apologies for every time she acted selfishly or bothered her father, she was devastated when she lost him , she wore black clothes for a whole year, locked herself in her room, and I was really worried that she may loose her mind or become more depressed . until now her eyes fill with tears each time she remember him, I feel her pain, and know how much does she miss her dad..
today as soon as I reached home, my mom’ face was pale, she looked terrified, she told me that a big explosion near my relative’s office occurred, thank god they are alive, in the afternoon my parents decided to visit them, I didn’t have exam so I went with them, my mom called her friend who has a clinic near the explosion, & mama kept saying ““ NOO, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? OH NO OH NO “ , she ended that call and said “ Dr. S said that Ravi was killed in that explosion, Dr. S’s clinic damages were 75%, but she wished it was damaged 100% and didn’t lose Ravi .
Ravi is the sweetest guy, and the best neighbor, he was the first one who taught me how to use internet, he’s about 37 years old, very shy, very polite, loved by everyone, he’d never hurt anyone, or anything not even an ant, his sister Rita is my best friend, and the whole family is lovely, they don’t have relatives in Iraq, they lost them in their emigration from Armenia to Iraq, and they don’t have anyone to share their good and bad events with but their friends and neighbors..
Ravi is truly remarkable person, his dad is a professor, and whatever I say I can’t sympathize him, he surely doesn’t deserve to die because of a extremist, crazy person who exploded a car in the middle of a local market, I can’t say anything but may god bless his soul , and give his family, neighbors and friends patience to get through this unexpected and tragic event.
Rita sent me a message saying “ I lost my brother, my brother died” it’s devastating, there isn’t any family in Iraq who hasn’t been threatened, or lost a son, father, daughter, or a friend, there isn’t any family that didn’t see the house they live in damaged, we are all hurt, but we’ll continue praying to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. In this week three big explosions happened near my school and the roads were blocked, and we hear explosions the whole time..
I don’t cry easily, but I spent those two weeks crying most of the time, I am depressed, terrified, sad, and in this moment I have no hope..
I heard in news that the violent will increase in Mosul..


At 2:20 PM, Blogger neurotic_wife said...

Sunshine, I always read your posts, but dont really comment. But today, your words moved me the most. To lose someone so close is heartbreaking, and no, no words can make it better or bring him back. All Iraqis suffered, every single person. Inshallah one day, and I dont really know when things will get better. And its people like you SS that will make it better. Keep your head up, ok. ALWAYS...And stay safe

At 3:38 PM, Blogger ann said...

Be strong girl...

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Ray-Ray said...

Babe, I'm so, so sorry. I hope you find your hope again soon.

At 5:18 PM, Blogger chikitita said...

God keep you all and all Iraqis safe from harm.

At 8:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This time I couldnt &cant find the words to leave as comment,its really hard what u r passing through.may god be with u, guard your family with his passion and bless Rs soul. Im sure u`ll override all this courageously, u r a strong girl, i do believe. but keep in mind always light follows darkness but we need to be patient.Dont lose ur hope &keep going, u r a palm & palms never fall or bend. BD.

At 9:11 PM, Anonymous Roy said...

I hear almost on a daily bases about all of the violence in Mosul. Everytime I hear it I think of you and your family. Your post really made it more personel. Maybe Sunshine if you can't tell your father what you want to say, maybe you should just have him read your post. It would be almost impossible to keep a good attitude whith all that is going on in your life. Lets just try to hope that it will get better soon. If you are having a hard time finding hope right now then I will hold it for you until you can take it back.OK! Try to say safe.

At 12:17 AM, Blogger cat said...

Keep your hope up, Sunnygirl, keep that sun of yours shining! I'm so excited for you book! I must get a copy, and I will tell everybody I know to get a copy. Please be quick! I'm afraid that support over here for the war over there is growing thin, and with less support, our soldiers can't do their job. Maybe with a lot of distribution, your book will help people see the truth of the situation.
I love my dad, I love him very much. He is my inspiration, my guidance, and my friend. Sometimes I do get angry with something he says, but it never lasts. I always let him know how much I love him; sometimes I'll hug him, or buy him his favorite candy bar when he's trying to stay on his diet. Try something small, maybe a note card or a trinket of some sort saying that you appreciate what he does for you. Then later you can sit down and have a really good talk with him, heart to heart.
I'm so sorry to hear about V, and I hope X will be ok. Send X my love and comfort, and remember, I will always hold you in my prayers, you and everyone else who is effected by the situation in Mosul. Love always,

At 2:24 AM, Blogger Melissa Walker said...

I just want to say thank you for writing. We are listening and hoping for you.

At 3:07 AM, Blogger Average American said...


You can and you must believe that your Dad already knows how much you love him! And I can promise you that whatever the 2 of you said to each other or argued about, he still loves you more than life itself! I am a father who didn't always see eye to eye with my children but I NEVER spent even a minute not loving them. That is what fathers do. If he doesn't yet know of your blog, let him know about it. It will be one more reason for him to burst with pride of you.

I am so sorry to hear of your friend V. Your blog will ensure that many people pray for him and his family. I also am glad to see your words so that I know you are still safe--sad but alive. We all hope and pray that Mosul will be peaceful soon. From what I hear of some areas, such as Anbar province, once the violence subsides, things do really start getting much better. That is my hope for you and Mosul.

May you and your family and all Iraqis feel the outpouring of our love and God's blessings.


At 3:50 AM, Blogger for what it's worth said...

Dear One,

I can tell you from being a parent, your father knows how much you love him; always! We expect our children to challenge us and even get angry with us. That, is part of learning to be the best we can be. And I know, I can make mistakes and my children correct me when I do. I love them for it and it makes us stronger. Never doubt your father may not know how much you love him. He does and he carries it with him wherever he goes. Sometimes, that knowledge is all a parent has to keep them going. You make him so very proud with all that you do.

I am so sorry to hear of more friends and loved ones being hurt by these cowards. My heart aches for them, and for you. Keep speaking out Dear One. Keep writing and talking and sharing. Your words are touching more and more hearts every day. One day, your heart, your words will touch someone who will make a difference for you as you have for so many others. Try to keep the faith. Try to keep your hope. We will do the same and will pray for your safety as always.
Peace be with you, Dear One.

much love

At 7:15 AM, Blogger Michelle said...


I don't write very often anymore, I am so sorry.

Ashley asks about you often, but we get caught up in our lives.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEAS, know, that as a parent, go talk to you father.

Tell him how you feel. If you can't make him listen, talk to your mother.

None of this is your fault, or has anything to do with you. You are only responsible for two things: GETTING AN EDUCATION AND MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF YOURSELF IN THIS TURMOIL.

That's it!

Parents, we are stupid sometimes too, we get so wrapped up in what is happening, that we forget our children are not just our responsibility to protect and nurture, but they are scared too..........we NEED reminding. We think that as long as we protect and nurture, we can handler the rest, without taking into account that our children are not couches or silverware. Our children have fears of their own.

Please dearest.

Find a moment, a calm moment, and talk to your father. Don't get angry or accusatory, just calmly tell him how you feel, if he turns from you, tell him again. Your father sounds like a very intelligent man, even us intelligent parents need to be taught. But do it with patience.


You may, like your friend, regret it forever if you don't tell him. Us parents, we are not ogres............

At 7:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope that peace can return and life can be a joy once again.

At 12:08 PM, Blogger bairuide said...

keep going, we need your life news and are thinking of you....

At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh no! Poor Sunshine. I'm so sorry you are suffering like this. I will pray that your dad will return to you safely. It is in God's hands now--we must ask Him to save your father and keep you and your family safe from further harm. Ishala that our all-knowing and merciful Father in Heaven will bless you with the return of your dad and keep you all safe.


At 10:48 PM, Blogger John said...

Oh, Sunshine! I am so sorry about your neighbor and about the threats against your father. I just don't understand. I will be praying for you -- I wish I could do more. I believe in you.

At 2:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunshine, I have been reading your blog now for almost 2 years. I find you to be one courageous, beautiful girl. It is difficult to be a teenager and to be going thru these turulent times. I can not take away your sadness but just keep faith and pray that someday there will be peace one day. YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION to every American that you have kept your head up and been strong for so long. Let us be strong for you now. WE BELIEVE IN YOU, Sunshine and will keep praying for your families safety and one day peace. Also remember that there is always a ray of hope even when there is complete darkness. That ray of hope is YOU, Sunshine. Keep Shining for the Iraqi People need you. Keep safe, Anna's Mom

At 12:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please, please stay safe. I can't believe you have to go through this everday of your life. I wish i can just take you all somewhere safe so you could live life happily ever after.
What you said about your dad touched me alot because i feel the same about my dad. And i hope with all of my heart you find the strength to carry on no matter what. Don't worry about education it will always be there for you to go back to. Peace be with you and your family.
Your in my prayers.

At 8:30 PM, Blogger Jhondie said...

Have these animals actually taken away your shine? Please stay safe. I hope you find the words to let your father know how you feel about him. I suggest writing it down and if your lips fail you, give him your letter. You're still my Hero Sunshine!

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Mister Ghost said...

Would it be possible for your family to leave Mosul until things become better and stay with your grandparents in Baghdad? I hope things become better for you.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Marshmallow26 said...


Please keep your prayers on always like I do, it is the only way we have to pass through the hard times.

And yes, you have to gather up your self and get the courage to talk to your dad, he will forgive and forget...

Love you always


At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am very sorry that you are coming into womanhood under the veil of violence, suffering, and ultimate disappointment. "That which does not stop us, only makes us stronger." You must be a very strong person by now; you continue to study hard and be at the top of your class, you continue to support your family through all the disparities, you continue to find hope and strength in the most dire circumstances. You are far more courages and strong than I could ever hope of being.

I support you, Sunshine. No matter what.

One day the light will shine on this darkness. One day. One day sunshine will awaken Iraq from this nightmare. One day...

At 8:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am very sorry that you are coming into womanhood under the veil of violence, suffering, and ultimate disappointment. "That which does not stop us, only makes us stronger." You must be a very strong person by now; you continue to study hard and be at the top of your class, you continue to support your family through all the disparities, you continue to find hope and strength in the most dire circumstances. You are far more courages and strong than I could ever hope of being.

I support you, Sunshine. No matter what.

One day the light will shine on this darkness. One day. One day sunshine will awaken Iraq from this nightmare. One day...

At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See there Sunny, you have a lot of support. I sometimes wonder how a heart can break so much, and still become stronger. Without even knowing your dad, I can tell you his love for you, and his pride in you, is stronger than you can imagine. You continue to amaze me! Keep yer Sun shining, Solo : D

At 9:04 PM, Blogger This Guest Blogger said...

Dear Sunshine,
I keep re-writing this comment because I just can't think of the right words to say to you.
You write beautifully, for starters, you're already a writer, but I know, if it's what you want, you'll have a book published someday. Probably, many books! :)

You can do anything, I believe. You're already so stronger, with a strength most us Americans can't even comprehend. Sometimes I complain of how unsafe our country has become, how I'm scared to go out alone in certain areas because by some small chance I may be kidnapped, or rapped, or killed ... but I almost have to laugh at my fear, because as "dangerous" as I think it is here, in the U.S., our counrty is like a safe haven compared to where you live.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, a loss is never easy, and you and others where you live have to experience so much loss. I don't know if you believe in God, but I do, and having faith is one of the greatest things. And to believe that God is a God of justice and all those wrecking havoc and hurting people in your lives will be punished some day.

Thank you for sharing your life with so many people, it's eye-opening I think, and I'm glad we have the oppurtunity to pray and encourge such a wonderful girl as yourself.

God bless and be with you!


At 2:05 AM, Anonymous Katie said...

I will be praying for you and your family and your friends. Keep the faith, sunshine, because this too shall pass. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and I wish more than anything that when a new American president takes over next year that they will bring the war to a stop and these problems will cease. Hang in there girl, and keep writing.


At 8:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunshine, you are such an inspiration to many others out there. Your post really moved me. This is the first time I have read your blog and I am so sorry to hear that this is what you and your family and many other Iraqi families go through everyday. I pray that your hope and optimism that you display will radiate to everyone who reads your blog. Your are doing a great job informing many people of the struggles your country faces. I know that your strength will guide you and I will pray for you.

Stay strong

At 10:07 AM, Anonymous Roy said...

When I hear on the news that the surge is working and that violence is down I get Angry. I wish these reporters would read your blog and others from Mosel. Maybe then they would realize that you are real people beibg affected by this war and not just some number. I hope this ends soon.

At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. Melissa Walker spoke of you in her blog so I wandered over.

My prayers are with you. I cannot imagine how I would feel if anyone threatened either of my parents. But don't feel guilty; your father knows you love him. Teens and their parents never have easy communication - both of ya'll are always at crosspurposes for your present and future. Just do your best for yourself. Others can ask more, but that's what you can do.

I feel for X too. That's terrible, to lose a sibling.

I hope you and your family remain safe. Your strength is amazing and you've kept your hope through trying times. I wish that you keep that quality throughout your life. Don't let it go without a fight.

Mi amor a usted,


At 9:16 PM, Blogger AO said...

Sunshine's line is off now.

Are you OK?


At 12:37 AM, Blogger tootie said...

I will definitely keep your family in my prayers!

At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Sunshine, I was a British soldier in Basra at the beginning. We tried to help, but no sooner had we reinstalled electricity and water, someone would destroy it for everyone,over and over.

I am not a politician, just a guy doing his job. I found most true Iraqi people friendly and generous, and I sincerely hope that the Iraq that you remember and love can return soon.

At 9:17 PM, Blogger Diana Joy said...

I can help you my litte sunshine!
Just give me written permission to make it a go!!!
I love you little one...stay strong and don't give up!
I will do what ever I can to see that you are seen!!!
Check your mail and e-mail me!
Diana Joy

At 10:24 PM, Blogger David said...

Dear Sunshine, I would like to wish you the best of luck with your book!

I am very sorry to hear about your father being threatened. I don't really know what to say. It must be a terrible feeling to be so worried. I hope you can talk to your father and really share your feelings with him, and he with you.

It sounds like Ravi was a very special person. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope his sister and family will be ok.

Take care

At 7:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I am 44 and I still have a hard time telling my father I love him. I just try to let him know in little ways, by calling on the phone to see how he is, checking up to see if he needs anything at the grocery, going to visit and chat. Your situation is so different than mine, but the way you write and the personal family stories you share make me realize how much each person has in common. So very sorry to hear about Ravi.

You are a candle of light in a very dark place. You may never know the kind of impact you are having until years down the road.


At 3:58 PM, Blogger Beyond the Deadline said...

Hi, Sunshine,

I’m Rana, from India. You’ll not recognise me. I’m a newcomer in this world of bloggers. I’ve just started my blog. But even before that I came close to you, your blog in particular through a Bengali book, Iraq Ekhon( Iraq at Now). It shows us the real picture of Iraq through your and some of your friends blogs. Since then I’ve been following your writing. I read all your writings with great enthusiasm because through this blog I can know a lot about present day Iraq, which we can’t know from the mainstream media in our country.

Talking of a certain portion of this particular blog post, it completely shook me. After reading your post I, too, realised how much I love my father. At present, I’m away from my home for my study. I don’t get the chance to see my parents often. Then, in my formative years, I got my father beside me less because most of the time he used to be out of the station. So, there was no such strong understanding of our relation in me. We had had very few conversations. Actually, I never tried to understand our relation. But, now I’m feeling differently.

And all the credit goes to you. Thanks. Truly, your writing can travel beyond borders and touch all the human beings. Hope, there remains interrupted electricity in your home and more free time in your life so that you can blog more and more……..

At 6:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sunny girl,I was browsing the internet and stumbled across your blog. I've never known how life is for people in Baghdad. The media has never shown the world how the real people in that country live and think except from the perspectives of the politicians. But after reading some of your postings, I've seen how scary it is to live in constant fear. I am amazed at your strength and wisdom to be able to focus on your life, your studies and your future amidst all these fear and difficulties at this young age. I hope that you, your family and all good people in Iraq will be blessed with peace, safety and happiness.....

At 1:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm sorry for your friend's brother. i'm tired of war. even though it's been a few years since your post, things still seem pretty bad and even though the war is over, there will probably still be violence. be strong!


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