Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Best wishes for 2009...

Today we celebrated the New Year, we celebrated our safety and thanked god for his blesses.

2009 has come, I wonder how this year will be, no one knows but god, I certainly hope it will be peaceful for all Iraqis, I pray there will be no more killing, threats, and explosions .. I am optimistic about this year, although the condition around me and everything don't promise any improvement, but I prefer to have hope..

2008 had good and bad times, I'll always remember the good events, and hope time will heal the painful memories.

In this year I finished my book and signed the contract with the agency….I had many interviews the most exciting one was with BBC when General Patrias talked on air …. I got many many friends from different places round the world, friends who support me, and advice me, I feel so lucky to know all of them, I also encouraged my mom's colleague to create his own blog, and he became a great friend of mine, he always encourage me, support me, and hear my complains !!

I learnt a lot of lessons that will definitely help in my life, I learnt that I should not be too kind that some times people would use my kind heart to do them favors and then abandon me, I learnt that if people stab me in the back that means I am in the first place .. I became more religious I pray the 5 prayers everyday, I feel so thankful for god for protecting my family and myself everyday from the continuous shooting and explosions, it is priceless I can't thank God enough ..

In this year I didn't waste a moment without using it in the best way I could, I read many books, made many researches so I feel I have more knowledge than before, I learnt new hard made work, how to cook better, play the musical keyboard and discover another talent which is writing poems in Arabic, I also improved both of my English and French language, so YES I achieved my dreams and everything I planned for last year..

Another pleasing event that I will never ever forget is the trip to the north, I had the greatest days in my life there..

But 2008 wasn't an easy year at all, there were very devastating and sad events, losing people we love either they were killed or immigrated, I reached some point I lost the hope and became very depressed specially after the threats we got, and when the terrorists wanted to kill daddy, they were very dark days, I lived in a real nightmare and horror the whole time, it was so hard specially that I know how much my orphan friends suffer, thank god my dad is safe and alive, I realized how much I love him, what I faced made our relationship much better, he is a good father, may god protect him, protect my mom and all of the people I know ..

Loosing friends, relatives and neighbors assured me that no one knows what will happen in the future, people have plans for their lives and families, but god has another plan for them.. I realized that being a good person every day is the best thing I can offer to leave a good impression..

So my plans for 2009 is to continue what I am doing (blogging), study hard, I am determined to continue my study and get high marks, no matter how hard the situation, or how it seems impossible to concentrate despite everything, but I'll prove that "impossible is nothing" and continue going to school and work hard to go to a good collage, I haven't decide yet what I want to be in the future I like dentistry, pharmacy and engineering, I didn't make the final decision yet, also publishing my book is my other biggest dream..

I hope next year we'll celebrate new year with my aunt and grandparents, we used to have great times, I remember the old new years when we used to stay up late, play bingo and eat delicious food, I hope the good days will come back and we'll celebrate New year the same as before and also thank god for keeping us safe, healthy and for all of his blesses ..

Happy new year to all of you,

With love,


Thursday, December 25, 2008

Out of breath..

Hello friends, Merry Christmas, I wish you all the happiness and may your dreams come true..

I was surprised with the great reaction I got with my readers about "the shoe message" I got so many E-mails, some people agree, others disagree with Muntather . As for me I wouldn't throw my shoe to anyone, but I was glad to see Muntather doing this, Bush caused a lot of pain to us, because of his war the people we love got killed, injured or had to leave Iraq.. We keep writing, trying to change the situation but no one listen, no one care, the polities care about money and oil only. So it was Muntather's way to show the anger, and frustration..
As for being "friendly" with someone visits our country, I assure you, any one whether he's American or not visits Iraq as a friend, someone who didn't ruin our lives, will be more than welcomed and will find us ,the Iraqis, great hosts, there's no doubt about it. and if the situation will be good I'll be so happy to have my reads in my house..
Many people asked me about Muntather's cast, I only know he is AN IRAQI, and it won't make any difference if we know his cast, all Iraqis are brothers..
Last weekend I got very sick, I had very bad flu, I couldn't even leave my bed, I was feeling so dizzy and weak, and I had several asthma attacks, at night I laid down in my bed, it was very dark, there was no electricity in the neighborhood as usual, I could hear the soldiers talking and they shot few shots from time to time, the sound was high and scary and sudden.. I tried to sleep but I couldn't, my heart was beating really fast, I spent the whole night praying no mine or car bomb would explode, the situation is so bad in the neighborhood..
Next day I studied in my bed, I had two exams, biology and mathematics, I slept for two hours during the day, but I was awake the whole night, I suffered from insomnia for two nights.. In the next day I felt it was hard for me to stand, I was sleepy, dizzy, and sick!! but I had to go to school, while I was having my breakfast the driver called and said he couldn't come, the neighborhood was surrounded because there was an inspection. and the roads leads to the neighborhood were closed, I decided to go out of the neighborhood walking, then my dad suggested to go with two of my neighbors and their young sister, and take my sister with me to her school, because we heard the soldiers were allowing the students and teachers to leave their houses only, their dad drove slowly and tried to find a way out of the neighborhood, we tried different streets, and sub-streets but they were all closed , we wanted to go back home but the soldiers were shooting anyone drive, or walk !!! so we knocked a door of stranger's house and asked them to keep the car in their garage, my mom called me and said "STAY IN THE STREET TILL I CALL YOU, THE SOLDIERS ARE SHOOTING AT ANYONE WALKS IN THE STREET" my dad talked to an Iraqi soldier and explained to him the situation, the soldier agreed to allow me and the two little girls (who are 11 years old) to walk only, but my neighbors couldn't come with us, the soldiers didn't allow the guys to walk, I wasn't only scared I was actually shaking !.
The soldiers shot few shots whenever someone walked near by, and they made my neighbors (the guys) sit on their knees and take off their jackets, they were inspected many times, but they weren't allowed to walk at first..
Imagine, many soldiers with their vehicles and weapons, and I was walking with two girls, feeling responsible for their safety while I couldn't insure mine, suddenly an explosion happened it wasn't very loud, probably in a near by neighborhood, but my sister was scared and started to run in different directions, my bag was ripped and I fell on the street while I was trying to catch her and ask her to keep quiet.. When I came to our house, my grandma and dad were waiting for me in the garage with many Iraqi soldiers, they all felt worry about us, a soldier noticed me first he said to grandma "AUNT LOOK, THE GIRLS CAME"
I told him "it is the last time I go to school if the neighborhood is surrounded, I swear"
I could barely take a breath when I came home as I was walking so fast and under pressure..
Keep praying,
Btw, we decided to stay in the neighborhood, because if we leave the house terrorists may occupy it, or soldiers may stay in it..

Friday, December 19, 2008

Shoe message ..

In this week we had lots of homework and exams, as we started to take 8 classes a day instead of 7, I go to school at 7:15 and reach home at 2:30 feeling so tired, then have a nap and study till bed time.
The same routine day after day, but this week something happened and changed my daily routine , became everyone's talk, in school, work, house, streets, markets, hospitals, wherever you go you hear people talking about the same subject!
On 14/12 (Sunday), I was studying biology at night, and mama told me "do you know that an Iraqi journalist hit Bush with his shoe?" I thought she was joking, and finished my homework..
Next day I went to school and found everyone talking about this event, and my friend showed me a video in her mobile, I kept laughing, just then I realized my mom was serious!
Muntathar al Zaidi, is 28 years old Iraqi living in Baghdad, he is the brave journalist who throw his shoes with his heart set on fire and said "this is the good bye kiss this is the revenge of all Iraqis"
Muntathar became a national hero, he didn't fear to speak up his mind, he expressed not only his anger but the anger and frustrated feeling for all of all Iraqis.
I pray he'll be released, and no one will hurt him anymore..
I don't find what he did strange thing after all horrible events he witnessed as a journalist, after seeing the injured and killed innocents in streets, or after he met the Iraqis who lost their houses or families and other tragic stories ..
When Bush said "it represent his only opinion, but I am sure it don't represent all Iraqis' feelings" all Iraqis proved the opposite by gathering in the streets carrying big signs, saying poems, and supporting Muntathar in every way they can ..
Today my mom told me that we may leave our house, and rent another one until the situation gets better, because life in my neighborhood is so hard, it looks like ghost's neighborhood.
We haven't decide yet where to go or when, we may have to leave our house for few weeks, few months, a year or maybe two, we don't know ..
We'll have to take the necessary things only, and leave our big, lovely house behind..
I can't imagine myself living in another house, but if it is safer for myself and my family members, I'll do it anyway, even If I have to leave my room, internet, and stuff, it will be hard not to study in my own room or sleeping in my own bed.
I was hoping that this Academic year will be calm and I'll concentrate in studying, but it seems impossible to do that in Iraq!!
If we'll leave our house, terrorists may occupy it or steal it!! It is such a hard decision to make..
Even if we'll leave our house, I'll take my laptop with me and write my diary there, and publish it whenever I can..
Keep praying for us please

Friday, December 12, 2008

No more tears left...

Hello friends, last week I didn't write a post, I thought it would be better to write a post after Eid ends so that I may have something joyful to talk about! As my week before Eid wasn't fantastic!.
The Week before Eid, I had tons of exams and homework, the situation wasn't good, one day in school we were in a chemistry class, and a teacher came and said "very calmly, I want you to open the windows, close the curtains and stay near the walls, there's a mine near the school"!!!! We all gathered in one place, and we had three classes under this situation and a physics exam as well (although I couldn't concentrate well, I took 100% it is a miracle!), thank god the mine didn't explode..
in the next day, we were having a biology class and a teacher came and said "girls, like yesterday, I want you to open the windows and stay away, there may be a car bomb this time, but do not panic" well, I felt really worried the car bomb make damages more than mines, we kept hearing shooting from time to time, After an hour of waiting the teacher came and said "it wasn't a car bomb, a man parked his car in the wrong place only" what an irresponsible man!.
Eid was on Monday, first I felt like I didn't want to celebrate Eid, because my grandparents, aunt and many people I love are not around me, then I decided to try to celebrate with what I have, and accept the situation we live in.
In the first day of Eid, I wore my new clothes congratulate my family, then we had a family meeting in my dad uncle's house .. we had lunch their, and at about 4 pm we came home.. it was good to see my relatives .. We talked about life in general and we spent long time calling our relatives abroad.

One of the traditions in Eid al Adhaa is to buy cows, or muttons, and so on, and allocate their meat to the paupers who can not offer money to buy meat (oblation)..
In the next day of Eid, my relative visited us a very quick visit (for about 30 minutes!!) I didn't see her for really long time and I missed her a lot, then at noon we visited my grandma's uncle who came from Baghdad in a visit to Mosul , I wish I didn't go there, first their neighbors visited them, and everyone was talking about how bad the situation is, and their neighbors talked about how a terrorist hide in their empty house at night once, and how the terrorist ran away when he saw the neighbors coming to check the house at 12 am ! ..
After hearing all the unpleasant stories, the neighbors left, everyone was talking about the situation , then about our relatives abroad , suddenly uncle started to cry and said "I asked my son" A" to leave Iraq many times, but he didn't listen to me"
"A' was a 25 years old gentleman, he was a new husband and a father or few weeks old baby when he got killed, this tragedy happened 2 years ago. The mother's heart is on fire, how can she celebrate Eid without her youngest son? How hard is it for her to see her grandson growing up without a father, or her daughter-in-law being a widow after only one year of marriage, can you imagine the feeling of the young widow when she lost her soul mate, her lover and husband?
You may heard a number of victims in news at that time or may be not, but the fact is what you hear in news is not just a number, at that day a family's life turned up side down, a father, son, and a husband taken away from his family, leaving unforgotten pain. When uncle and aunt was crying, it was so hard for me to act bravely, or hide my emotions, I tried so hard but I failed, I couldn't tolerate, I just needed to cry, and I couldn't stop, there's nothing in the world more painful than seeing someone crying with pain because of loosing someone close and dear specially in this savage way..
Uncle said while he was crying "A felt that he will die as a martyr, because the terrorists were killing the good young men, and "A" used to help the people who lost their houses due to explosions, and all what he cared about was how he could offer more help to people in need " his parents kept talking about "A", his wife and kid, and how a great guy he was, and I kept crying till my eyes and face became red, and felt like I had no more tears left!.
I wanted to go out side and scream until the politicians hear me and find a solution for this mess; our life is unbearable, no matter how I try not to think about how dangerous the situation is and convince myself that everything will be ok, I can't...
In the third day of Eid, we stayed home (we have no one to visit!!!) I felt really upset and remembered Eid before, how we use to celebrate with the people we love and how pleasant times we spent, it was my favorite time in the year..
In this Eid I realized how much do I miss my relatives and friends, I used to say "four days are not enough to celebrate Eid with everyone we know" now I feel two days are more than enough", each Eid our relatives decrease in number..
I spent the morning and noon crying without stop, first I tried to hold my tears then I gave up, I thought it would be better to cry and may be feel better after that..
In the fourth day of Eid, I decided to study physics, at about 11 am, visitors visited us, and I went jumping and running saying "MAMA YOU WON'T BELIEVE WE HAVE VISITORS" within 5 minutes I wore my new clothes, combed my hair while I was singing! I didn't think any one would dare to come to our scary neighborhood!
My grandpa's friend visited us with his family, they came from Bahsheeks, we had a good time although they stayed for very short time..
Then my mom suggested to go to my grandpa friend's farm, when I arrived there were tens of farmers who came hugging me!! Although I didn't remember any of them but they said they remembered me when I was child, my mom and I walked near the river, but the weather was so cold, so we returned home..
I'll have many exams this week, wish me luck..
Eid mubarak for everyone, specially the Muslims, may Iraq return peaceful, so that Iraqis come back home, and we start to celebrate Eid and all occasions just like what we used to before war..
With love,