Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Iraqi gorgeous spirit..

On Friday, I woke up at 7:30 and started to study until about 8 pm , I finished my homework and studied for my exams (I had physics, computer, and biology exams), at night I prepared some stuff for Saturday’s picnic, my camera, clothes, and everything I needed, and was sitting in the living room talking with my mom about the picnic, and suddenly heavy shooting with a sound of loud explosion seemed to be like a rocket’s or car bomb’s sound, my family and I quickly went downstairs, and we hide in a safe room till the shooting stopped, I remembered the last time we had picnic an explosion happened and the house was damaged, I was thinking “oh no it is not the time” and I spent the whole time praying we won’t have curfew or anything bad happen ,I really need this picnic..
In the next morning I woke up early, mama and I made pizza and hamburgers, then we got dressed and thank god the road was opened and we went to a place called “the tourism’s village” ..
We took a football, and many sport stuff , and I had fantastic time and played a lot, I can’t move my arm till now!.
I think my favorite part was when the Drs. who are from different cities, like Diala, Ramadi, Hadeetha, and many other places danced Dabka together, and I also liked the football match between the senior Drs with the residents dr.s . and I loved when the Drs. were divided into two groups and had a funny competition called “without speaking” each Dr. would try to explain by signs a name of a play, movie, or aphorism, and also repeat a hard sentence hastily without making a mistake and if anyone made a mistake he/she would say a joke or sing a song, a Dr. from Ramadi couldn’t say a sentence correctly, so he had to sing, everyone was laughing he blushed, then a Dr. said “come on, we’ll sing with you” and he started to sing children’s song says “ Mammy will come soon, mammy will come soon with many toys and stuff….. “ it was so funny..
I met Dr. Baghdadentist , and we played together, of course Dr.f and I scoured more points.. and after lunch many Drs. and I played Frozby (or as some people call it the flying dish) ..
As there were Drs from different cities, you could hear different accents, and even the shape, you’d see a blond person, beside a very dark one! But from the inside everyone had the same Iraqi gorgeous spirit ..
At 4:30 I was completely exhausted, & Dr. Baghdadentist drove us home..
It was a fantastic picnic, and what made me extremely happy, is I met Drs. from different places, and got the chance to be more enlightened about there lives, and traditions.. they were funny, respectful, and have all the manners of men, to see them having a good time together worth everything, and I told my mom I feel proud to see good Iraqis like those Drs. who faced a lot of things, and experienced many hard experiences and still smile and laugh..
As we had a great time, we decided to go in another picnic ..
Sunshine ..

Friday, April 18, 2008

More Diaries..

I had a crazy week, all the teachers want to examine us as many exams as they could, I kept studying the whole time, and I did my best , my marks are ok, I won’t have to attend the final exams for all subjects except physics. in Iraq we don’t have to attend the final exam and study the whole book for every subject if we have 90% and higher as final mark (= A+), it is hard, especially in my school, but I did, in spite of everything, the war , terrorists, explosions, all the hard circumstances, without electricity, nor fuel for heaters, I used to stay up late studying alone while everyone was asleep, catching the torch in one hand and my book in the other, with many blankets over me in order to stay warm, it’s scary to stay in a room alone while there’s shelling and still be able to study..
I continue going to privet Arabic lessons, and I like our teacher, he’s great and praise me a lot (my friends got jealous hehe)..
My friend who lost her mom is doing good, she’s stronger than anyone I’ve ever met, although her sisters don’t study, but she told me “ if I don’t study nothing will change what happened, but I know one thing for sure, it was my mom’s will for us to study hard, she used to ask us to do our best and study, and I’ll do it for her”
On Thursday, Rita visited me and read all of your comments and E-mails, we talked for awhile, but she had to go back quickly, she was busy, they were moving to another house, far away.
Grandpa and I went with her, as it is not safe in Iraq to walk alone, we were walking , laughing because I said a joke, and she was saying to me “shush don’t laugh loud” Rita is really shy person.
As soon as we reached the end of our street, a mine exploded and the US soldiers started to shoot, I didn’t think about anything but running away, Rita caught me from my arm and asked me to calm down, we reached her house, with my knees shaking, her mom, dad, sister’s husband, and their friend were packing their stuff, Rita went to the garden, she insist to bring me a rose, I looked at the rooms through the window, I was trying not to be emotional and cry, the house was empty nothing but the white walls, in one day this house was full of life, this family witnessed many good days there, such as their kids birthday, Raffi’s graduation, Nora’s graduation (their other daughter), Nora’s wedding, all the festivals, the good and bad days, hard and pleasant times,all their memories for over than 30 years.
once in the Armenians’ Eid, my family and many neighbors visited them, I remember perfectly well that day, every single conversation, every joke, there were people from different religions, different castes, and different cities, but you know what, I didn’t feel different, we were talking about the same things, laughing at the same things, it is normal because we are Iraqis, Raffi was sitting in front of me, talking with his friend in low shy voice, like always.. Rita pointed at the door and said “you see this door sunny” ( it leads to the other guest room) , she continued “ we used to open it in Eid, because many many friends used to visit us and there wouldn’t be enough space for all of us, so we used to sit in two rooms, teenagers in one room and adults in the other, and at the middle of the night, everyone stands up, we catch each others’ hands and dance Dabka, what amazing days we had before the war, now we can’t have guests till late time, beside many Armenians left Mosul”
I remember her say, and was imagining the living room full of people dancing and enjoying their time, now they’ll leave the house, leaving their memories behind, but their son’s memory will be carried in our hearts forever..
It is so hard to leave the house you’ve been living in for your whole life, When the situation was really bad about 4 years ago we had to leave our house, I started to cry while I was packing my clothes, I can’t imagine myself living in any other house, surrounded with other neighbors, Rita’s dad came to say hello, he hugged me and said “we’ll miss you the most, it is so hard to leave the neighborhood, the neighbors and house, but what we can do” he looked really sad and was smoking ! he has heart problem and I am so worried about him..
last Wednesday, I was in my way home, after a tiring day at school ( an English professor attended class with us, after the class finished he examined us to see how good we are, he liked me a lot, he kept asking questions and I kept replying without any mistake, he was impressed, the teacher also said I was excellent) anyway in my way home, the driver was driving carefully and we stopped in a checkpoint, an Iraqi vehicle belongs to the National guard was driving really fast and it stopped suddenly in the middle of the bridge, the soldiers started to run , they looking down from the bridge, and ran back shouting something, I didn’t understand their accent, and they yelled at the driver and asked him to go back, but it was impossible there were tens of cars behind, another vehicle stopped and the soldiers seemed to be ready for any attack, they were catching their weapons tightly,, I was like in the middle to Indian action movie, a group of men came wearing worn out clothes, they gave a paper to the national guard and said “we are with them” he looked down from the bridge and said “Yes, they are one of us”
I didn’t understand any thing, they were one of whom? What happened? Who were those men? What was going on? I want to know!!!
I thought there was a car bomb, or it was an ambush , or may be bunch of terrorists were going to attack the soldiers, I was happy to remember a prayer, and I kept repeating it over and over again, later I found out I was saying the wrong one I was saying “Forgive” instead of “protect” ..
A national guard came toward our car and said to the driver “if you don’t want to die GO BACK NOW , DO YOU WANT TO DIE” the question was directed to the driver but I replied quickly “no he don’t” , the other girls who were in the car looked very pale, and the youngest one kept asking me what’s going on, and what will happen ..
We went to another bridge and I arrived my house could barely walk, I was terrified, I really thought I could be just like one of the numbers we hear in Tv.
27/4 will be the last day I attend school in, but I won’t have a holiday I’ll have to study physics, math, and chemistry beside Arabic preparing for the sixth grade ..
On Saturday, my mom, Mariam, Yosif and I will go to a picnic with my mom’s work mates and friends, and I’ll meet Baghdadentist, he is such a great friend and supporter, as well as a very talented writer, I am really excited, there won’t be anyone in my age ! but I can get along well with the new graduated Drs. and everyone ..

Saturday, April 05, 2008

I started to attend private lessons...

I started to attend private lessons, preparing for the sixth class, which will define my future-career, on Wednesday my friends and I decided to go to the teacher's house directly after school, it is impossible to go home to have lunch, change our clothes and come back, the road is not safe at all and our houses are really far.
The driver parked two streets away, as the whole place around my school was crowded, I was walking with my friends, and tanks were in the street, I was really close to the tank, I looked at it as I passed, I was thinking " I am so close to the tank", it was less than 1 meter away, my heart was beating fast because it's the first time I go alone to a teacher's house, and I was thinking someone may attack the tank, anyway, as I was having my lunch in the car, I started to think silently the whole way, from this day my long journey began, I'll do my best, and get a high par, I hope nothing bad will happen, I need to concentrate and forget about my whole week, I should format my brain (as Baghdadentist say), I should also relax, which is like mission impossible for me, but I have to do my best ..
We looked for the teacher's house, 15 minutes before the exact time, I hate to reach late, the teacher was really nice, he can't see clearly, we introduced our selves, he said to me, " I know you, from your voice, you're the girl who called me and arranged the group and date, yes! I remember you" and he was impressed by the group, he said " you are my favorite group, very polite, elegant, and intelligent " .. after the class ended the driver called us and said that the bridge is blocked, so we stayed in the teacher's house for an hour waiting, we were so embarrassed, but we did part of our homework there..
Wednesday was a great day for me, my English teacher brought A movie, and the whole class went to the computers' classroom, and we saw the movie on the wall (Data show), with pop corns, like a real cinema, although the movie was very miserable but we kept laughing!! I don't know why?! But we were excited a lot, we saw Oliver Twist, we have been reading this novel since the Academic year started, every 2 weeks we read a chapter, we had great time, non of us had ever been into Cinema, because of the bad situations .. I needed to have a good day after what happened this week..
It was really hard week, I had many asthma attacks, the threat became more serious, my dad refuses to stay in a safe place or leave Mosul for awhile till the situation gets better, and my friend M lost her mom, in a car bomb, it was a tragedy, when I heard about her mother's death, I kept crying the whole time, and fell ill for two days, unable to even stand up, I lost 6 pounds in those 2 weeks, I don't have any desire to eat..
M is really intelligent girl, she is a retiring girl ,she trust only few people, and I am glad to be one of them, her dad had been missing for 5 years, and her mom who was a teacher took care of M and her 2 sisters (age 18, and 13), now M was left without her parents, she's only 16, what guilt she had done to live without a mother and Father, how can she continue her life without her mother? Her supporter? The shoulder she cry on? The person who teach her, take care of her, guide her, advice her, oh my god, one day her mother was there, and the other day she died because of a freak person who put a car bomb in a neighborhood? How would M feel when she see her parents bedroom without her parents? It is really hard, harder than anyone's imagination..
M couldn't attend school for several days, of course, but on Sunday she came to the class, and sat silently in her desk, we were nodding our heads signing to each other , and encouraging each other to go and talk to her, we all gathered around her desk, she was crying and the girls were calming her down, I only said " we are here for you" and started to cry, my friend took me a side, because I wasn't helping, I could hold my tears when Rita lost her brother, and when R lost her dad, and in many events, but I can't hold my tears when I see M crying, my mom is everything in my life, I can't imagine my life 5 minutes away from her, this event made me really loose my mind, I had continuous headache, I can't sleep nor study well, because I can't live normally, I check my mom every second when she's away, in our relatives' house or in her work, I am freaking out, the terrorists want to kill my dad, and danger is everywhere around me, my mom , and everyone.. how can I make hard efforts to study if I feel powerless, I feel sleepy the whole time, but can't sleep well, and yes of course my night bruxisin is getting worse, and I have spasm in my legs, hands, neck, and everywhere, because of my stress which I can't control..
I admire M's courage, she's attending school everyday, doing her homework, attending exams and taking 100%, I'd say she's a hero because she didn't kill herself after her mom's death, I can't find a word to describe her courage, her determination, I don't know how can she handle everything.. I was there for R, Rita and their families, and I'll be there for M and help her in every possible way, all the girls in my class are with her, in the break-time, the girls and I explain to her the lessons she missed..
Today Rita came to my house, they'll move to another neighborhood, when her dad visited us, he was crying and said "I can't stay in this house anymore, every corner reminds me of Raffi "
I'll miss her, she's my best friend, neighbor, and hero, but I'll be happy when I see her and her family doing well, she read all of your comments, and her eyes filled with tears while she was reading your encouraging words, so on her behalf I thank you all for being supporters ..
She's doing well, attending collage and studying hard, she's really strong, stronger than I’m, she's dealing with her loss, today we heard a song, she laughed and told me that Raffi loved this song a lot, she also started to laugh with tears in her eyes and said " we used to fight when it comes to TV. we used to watch Romantic movies on Thursday nights, and he used to throw pillows on me while we watch TV".
It is hard to lose someone means the world for you, and it's hard when you fear about this person 24/7…
Please, pray for my parents' safety, my family, and all of the Iraqi's safety, the situation is getting worse, everyday when I go to bed, I wonder how will my next day be, I pray for god to keep everyone safe ..