Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Monday, February 18, 2008

New hope ..

Staying at home all the time is really boring, but we have to get use to it, I wanted to write a post, but I had nothing to write about, the same routine ,day after day, in my spare time I do handmade work, I am reading a fantastic book called “ Don’t be sad” I like it very much, I think every Iraqi should read it!!! Specially during these circumstances, I listen to music all the time, and when we don’t have electricity I listen to Radio Sawa.. I’m working hard on my book, and Luke is editing it for me, he’s wonderful.
My mom’s uncle will find me a publisher (he lives in USA), I am so lucky to have such an encouraging relative..
My mom was sick, her blood pressure is not stabled, most of the Iraqis have blood pressure, because of all the stress in our lives ..
The new operation is about to start as you know, I feel like it’ll work this time, although not everyone think so, because the troops announced the operation before it starts ..
I still have hope, I don’t know why.. All the ex-operations failed, but there is a voice inside my heart telling me to be optimistic .
I think about Iraq a lot, what happened and what’s going to happen. When I think about our future I wonder weather it’ll worth every thing we faced , Hopefully.
I open the curtain above my bed, look at the sky, and think…
If the troops will defeat the terrorists and we’ll have security, my relatives who live abroad will come to Iraq, and I’ll be able to see my aunt again, we’ll do whatever we want and wear what we like, without being afraid from terrorists .. I’ll feel more free to write about what I feel, and you’ll be able to see Sunshine, I won’t have to make voice interviews only ..
Oh god how much I miss planning to picnics and preparing for parties, I feel I am so close to live in safety, and see my relatives , neighbors , & friends who had to leave Iraq again.
Every bad thing we got through will be a memory only, we’ve been living in a war zone for four long years, full of sadness & fear. It was a bad experience and no one would love to go through that, but It’s out of my power, I can’t end the war, but we say “if you have lemon, make lemonade” there’s no bright side in the war, but in this four years I became stronger, and independent person, I believe in myself and I know nothing can stop me from moving forward, not even the war, nor terrorists when I have determination and faith ..
I realized how much I love Iraq, I didn’t know how much Iraq means to me, until I saw It destroyed.
My heart ache whenever I look at the album, I used to wonder if we’ll ever feel the same joy we felt at that time, but in these days when I look at the albums I say to myself “hold on a little bit more, good days will come back”.. I have high spirit now, incase operation won’t succeed I don’t know what will happen to me .. but I have to prepare myself for the worse, so that I don’t get depressed if things didn’t work well, I don’t want to feel what I felt in the beginning of the war, I thought we’ll have the life we were told to have, a bright future, and live happily ever after, I didn’t know there’ll be fights and battles in front of my house.. I didn’t know I’ll see dead people in the streets nor hear all of the horrified stories that I hear each day, I didn’t know I’ll have to hide under the stairs for 10 hours continuously! I didn’t know the meaning of terrorism means nor terrorists in the past, but after the war I started to see the terrorists a lot, walking in our streets, killing and destroying.. I wasn’t told that I’ll see the people I love leaving Iraq or getting killed, and didn’t even imagine that going to school will be that hard, and it’ll be a challenge for me to try to concentrate..
I was happy and thought we’ll get rid of the ex regime, have a freedom & democratic country.. I didn’t know that It’ll cost so much, and until now we didn’t have a “free” country ..
I didn’t know I’ll spend the whole time feeling worried about my parents’ and relatives’ safety, I didn’t know many other facts, I made a perspective in my mind and then I was shocked with the reality.
But I pray our future will worth the sacrifices we made, the fear and sadness we felt..
Yesterday, I visited my relatives who live in our neighborhood, I sat with aunt and we started to look at the albums and remember the days before war, our picnics and their trip to London, we had a good time.. warm memories came back .. and after dinner we spent the time talking about funny things that happened, my first play in the kindergarten, my first song, & when I visited the children’s city for the first time ,I try to imagine how my mom kept jumping and saying “THAT’S MY GIRL , WOW” dad told me that all the people were staring at her, she was so excited !! I remember the children’s city very well, Mariam has some unclear memories, but Yosif didn’t get the chance to visit the children’s city nor any real play yard.
We try not to go out of the neighborhood , the terrorists will try to kill and destroy as much as they can in their “last days” , Yesterday a car-bomb exploded near my relatives house, their house damaged badly , & yesterday there was a fight in my neighborhood, but however I feel like the explosions in my neighborhood are less than before .. We even had our lunch in the garden couple of times, the weather is cooler during noon time, it was impossible for us to do that 3 weeks ago because of the near by explosion and the continuous shooting.
Grandma told me that when there won’t be explosions anymore we’ll fix the walls (many bullets entered our walls) and of course fix the windows, and doors again, she also said will paint our house, it has black spots because of the near by explosions and fires .. I look forward for that ..
I look forward to move into my room again!!! all the explosions and shootings happen in the street which face my room that’s why I didn’t sleep nor change my clothes there for about two years!! Sometimes I try to sleep there, but after a night or two I can’t bear it, and come back to my sister’s..
I have wonderful room that don’t sleep in, and nice desk but I study in the corridor!!

Friday, February 08, 2008

All together...

I feel Happy because I finished my exams, I spent about an hour and half yesterday walking and talking with my friends Z, M, and N, we had so much fun , Z bought a new mobile phone, and we listened to some new songs, there weren’t any shooting near the school, unlike everyday, when I came home I took a shower, we had electricity for 2 hours, then we visited my relatives, and now I am listening to my favorite songs , while writing this post to you my dearest friends and readers, what do I want more?
It went through very very very hard 3 weeks. each day I tried to finish studying quickly , I felt afraid from staying alone at night because the shelling didn’t stop and we didn’t have electricity, it is hard to admit that 16 years old Sunshine was afraid to stay alone at night! .
The new operation against Al-qaida will begin soon.
On Wednesday the situation was really bad, in the morning there were shooting all the time, at 4:30 pm I was combing my hair, and about to continue studying, something like an earth-quake happened, without thinking I knew it’s an explosion, I didn’t have time to run or hide, BOOOOOOOM, I felt like the blaster pushed me, I ran, and tried to avoid something but it hit me, I wasn’t sure what was it, smoke filled the rooms, I was glad to see everyone ok, I went to my room to see what has happened to it, the thing that hit me was my mug, and thank god we didn’t have many losses, I saw an orange smoke, we thought it was CL gas, so we put wet towels on our noses, grandpa and dad closed all the windows, and replaced the broken ones with cartoons ..
In the next day, my mom went to work, she said there were so many people in the hospital, and from time to time a family would go out crying loud because their wounded member died, it was a painful view..
On Thursday morning I couldn’t study well, there was a fight in the street behind our house, and I had to stay in the corridor, I was angry, and told grandma when she asked me to stay in a safe place “THE TERRORISTS ARE CHALLENGING ME, BUT I WILL STUDY NO MATTER WHAT” so I brought my books, sat on the floor, and studied , at noon, I got a phone call from my headmistress , she said Z was very badly injured, I couldn’t take it anymore, I lost my ability to tolerate, I was devastated, and I had a killing headache..
I went to school on Sunday and I knew I wont answer well, everyone was stressed, some of her friends knew she was injured at that morning, they were crying, even the girls who aren’t in her class were crying, my friend M came to school as soon as I said “hi, how are you” , she hugged me and burst into tears, she couldn’t study because Z is her friend & her sister’s best friend, they also had bad damages in their house because of that explosion, no one answered well at that day.
The explosion caused a huge hole ( it’s diameter is 25 meters) the explosion destroyed 50 houses, 200 shops, killed over than 40 people, injured 217 citizens, and 4 soldiers, horrified the whole city, many people lost their family members, and their houses.
There were many terrible stories, people lost their whole family members, mothers lost their kids, etc, you most saw that in TV. But I heard stories made me feel how great people the Iraqis are.
I heard a talk show in the radio, when A man said “ I was in the hospital in the day of explosion, and I saw the ambulances bringing people injured very badly, I wanted to help but didn’t know what to do, so I took my car, went to a neighborhood and started to shout “ an explosion happened in a neighborhood, many people were injured, is there any one willing to donate with blood?” and I came to the hospital with about 25 guys”
Many people called and adopted the orphans, many people donated with money, clothes, & medicines, my mom and her friend called every dentist they knew collected money to the wounded people.
A man called the radio and his words touched my heart he said “I don’t have money to give, but I’ll work for free and re-build the destroyed houses and shops“ and he gave the reporter his number, the world needs more people like him.
About my exams I did very well in English, French, Computer, biology, Chemistry, and religion, I did ok in Arabic, and I answered bad in Physics and mathematics !!
On my birthday, I came home, had lunch, and decided to take a nap, because I couldn’t sleep well at night and had to woke up at 5 am to study, as soon as I laid on my bed a fight started behind the house, (about 30 meters away), of course my wish in my birthday was to stay alive, I thought “to run, or to stay???!” then I remembered the say “ what hits me wasn’t suppose to miss me, and what miss me wasn’t suppose to hit me”, so I put the pillow on my head and a blanket, and fall asleep!!!! I was so tired, at 4 pm I heard singing “ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU” , I opened my eyes and saw my family members around the bed singing, it was really funny and special I blew my candles while I was still in bed ..
It was a hard year, but full of success, I became stronger person, now I know that I should not trust people quickly, I am more careful, wiser, I have confidence and believe in my self more than anytime ever, I got a lot of friends in this year, I had interviews with very famous media, I am achieving my goals, my family, readers and friends are proud of me, I became a friend of a wonderful Honest girl, who’s in the 4th class pharmacy collage, we get along well, and she understands me well .. seeing all of my family members alive and well is such a bless, and I also encouraged a blogger to start his own blog, he became famous already. Baghdad dentist Is his nickname, and I tell you he’s a gifted writer, and I am glad with my choice..
Dear Dr. “Baghdad dentist” keep blogging, you’ll have fun, make friendships, and you’ll feel that you are doing something important and what a great feeling when your words have the power to make a change in the world, even if it was a small change, it is priceless .. But keep in mind, people will steal your posts and sentences, it’ll hurt your feelings, but always keep in mind, they’ll never win, and people will always recognize your style and words..
I wanted to make a big party tomorrow, but it was canceled because of the bad situation.
In Iraqi blogger central, i was chosen to be the next Prime minister, when I saw that I couldn’t believe it I felt very happy, and started to jump up and down, there is a competition between me and my friends in ITM, my par was 1% more than theirs, and now we are equal ..
I told my relatives about that, they laughed and their sons asked me to hire them as my bodyguards !!
Sunshine (the future prime minister for a sunny nation).