I started to attend private lessons, preparing for the sixth class, which will define my future-career, on Wednesday my friends and I decided to go to the teacher's house directly after school, it is impossible to go home to have lunch, change our clothes and come back, the road is not safe at all and our houses are really far.
The driver parked two streets away, as the whole place around my school was crowded, I was walking with my friends, and tanks were in the street, I was really close to the tank, I looked at it as I passed, I was thinking " I am so close to the tank", it was less than 1 meter away, my heart was beating fast because it's the first time I go alone to a teacher's house, and I was thinking someone may attack the tank, anyway, as I was having my lunch in the car, I started to think silently the whole way, from this day my long journey began, I'll do my best, and get a high par, I hope nothing bad will happen, I need to concentrate and forget about my whole week, I should format my brain (as Baghdadentist say), I should also relax, which is like mission impossible for me, but I have to do my best ..
We looked for the teacher's house, 15 minutes before the exact time, I hate to reach late, the teacher was really nice, he can't see clearly, we introduced our selves, he said to me, " I know you, from your voice, you're the girl who called me and arranged the group and date, yes! I remember you" and he was impressed by the group, he said " you are my favorite group, very polite, elegant, and intelligent " .. after the class ended the driver called us and said that the bridge is blocked, so we stayed in the teacher's house for an hour waiting, we were so embarrassed, but we did part of our homework there..
Wednesday was a great day for me, my English teacher brought A movie, and the whole class went to the computers' classroom, and we saw the movie on the wall (Data show), with pop corns, like a real cinema, although the movie was very miserable but we kept laughing!! I don't know why?! But we were excited a lot, we saw Oliver Twist, we have been reading this novel since the Academic year started, every 2 weeks we read a chapter, we had great time, non of us had ever been into Cinema, because of the bad situations .. I needed to have a good day after what happened this week..
It was really hard week, I had many asthma attacks, the threat became more serious, my dad refuses to stay in a safe place or leave Mosul for awhile till the situation gets better, and my friend M lost her mom, in a car bomb, it was a tragedy, when I heard about her mother's death, I kept crying the whole time, and fell ill for two days, unable to even stand up, I lost 6 pounds in those 2 weeks, I don't have any desire to eat..
M is really intelligent girl, she is a retiring girl ,she trust only few people, and I am glad to be one of them, her dad had been missing for 5 years, and her mom who was a teacher took care of M and her 2 sisters (age 18, and 13), now M was left without her parents, she's only 16, what guilt she had done to live without a mother and Father, how can she continue her life without her mother? Her supporter? The shoulder she cry on? The person who teach her, take care of her, guide her, advice her, oh my god, one day her mother was there, and the other day she died because of a freak person who put a car bomb in a neighborhood? How would M feel when she see her parents bedroom without her parents? It is really hard, harder than anyone's imagination..
M couldn't attend school for several days, of course, but on Sunday she came to the class, and sat silently in her desk, we were nodding our heads signing to each other , and encouraging each other to go and talk to her, we all gathered around her desk, she was crying and the girls were calming her down, I only said " we are here for you" and started to cry, my friend took me a side, because I wasn't helping, I could hold my tears when Rita lost her brother, and when R lost her dad, and in many events, but I can't hold my tears when I see M crying, my mom is everything in my life, I can't imagine my life 5 minutes away from her, this event made me really loose my mind, I had continuous headache, I can't sleep nor study well, because I can't live normally, I check my mom every second when she's away, in our relatives' house or in her work, I am freaking out, the terrorists want to kill my dad, and danger is everywhere around me, my mom , and everyone.. how can I make hard efforts to study if I feel powerless, I feel sleepy the whole time, but can't sleep well, and yes of course my night bruxisin is getting worse, and I have spasm in my legs, hands, neck, and everywhere, because of my stress which I can't control..
I admire M's courage, she's attending school everyday, doing her homework, attending exams and taking 100%, I'd say she's a hero because she didn't kill herself after her mom's death, I can't find a word to describe her courage, her determination, I don't know how can she handle everything.. I was there for R, Rita and their families, and I'll be there for M and help her in every possible way, all the girls in my class are with her, in the break-time, the girls and I explain to her the lessons she missed..
Today Rita came to my house, they'll move to another neighborhood, when her dad visited us, he was crying and said "I can't stay in this house anymore, every corner reminds me of Raffi "
I'll miss her, she's my best friend, neighbor, and hero, but I'll be happy when I see her and her family doing well, she read all of your comments, and her eyes filled with tears while she was reading your encouraging words, so on her behalf I thank you all for being supporters ..
She's doing well, attending collage and studying hard, she's really strong, stronger than I’m, she's dealing with her loss, today we heard a song, she laughed and told me that Raffi loved this song a lot, she also started to laugh with tears in her eyes and said " we used to fight when it comes to TV. we used to watch Romantic movies on Thursday nights, and he used to throw pillows on me while we watch TV".
It is hard to lose someone means the world for you, and it's hard when you fear about this person 24/7…
Please, pray for my parents' safety, my family, and all of the Iraqi's safety, the situation is getting worse, everyday when I go to bed, I wonder how will my next day be, I pray for god to keep everyone safe ..