No more tears left...
The Week before Eid, I had tons of exams and homework, the situation wasn't good, one day in school we were in a chemistry class, and a teacher came and said "very calmly, I want you to open the windows, close the curtains and stay near the walls, there's a mine near the school"!!!! We all gathered in one place, and we had three classes under this situation and a physics exam as well (although I couldn't concentrate well, I took 100% it is a miracle!), thank god the mine didn't explode..
in the next day, we were having a biology class and a teacher came and said "girls, like yesterday, I want you to open the windows and stay away, there may be a car bomb this time, but do not panic" well, I felt really worried the car bomb make damages more than mines, we kept hearing shooting from time to time, After an hour of waiting the teacher came and said "it wasn't a car bomb, a man parked his car in the wrong place only" what an irresponsible man!.
Eid was on Monday, first I felt like I didn't want to celebrate Eid, because my grandparents, aunt and many people I love are not around me, then I decided to try to celebrate with what I have, and accept the situation we live in.
In the first day of Eid, I wore my new clothes congratulate my family, then we had a family meeting in my dad uncle's house .. we had lunch their, and at about 4 pm we came home.. it was good to see my relatives .. We talked about life in general and we spent long time calling our relatives abroad.
In the next day of Eid, my relative visited us a very quick visit (for about 30 minutes!!) I didn't see her for really long time and I missed her a lot, then at noon we visited my grandma's uncle who came from Baghdad in a visit to Mosul , I wish I didn't go there, first their neighbors visited them, and everyone was talking about how bad the situation is, and their neighbors talked about how a terrorist hide in their empty house at night once, and how the terrorist ran away when he saw the neighbors coming to check the house at 12 am ! ..
After hearing all the unpleasant stories, the neighbors left, everyone was talking about the situation , then about our relatives abroad , suddenly uncle started to cry and said "I asked my son" A" to leave Iraq many times, but he didn't listen to me"
"A' was a 25 years old gentleman, he was a new husband and a father or few weeks old baby when he got killed, this tragedy happened 2 years ago. The mother's heart is on fire, how can she celebrate Eid without her youngest son? How hard is it for her to see her grandson growing up without a father, or her daughter-in-law being a widow after only one year of marriage, can you imagine the feeling of the young widow when she lost her soul mate, her lover and husband?
You may heard a number of victims in news at that time or may be not, but the fact is what you hear in news is not just a number, at that day a family's life turned up side down, a father, son, and a husband taken away from his family, leaving unforgotten pain. When uncle and aunt was crying, it was so hard for me to act bravely, or hide my emotions, I tried so hard but I failed, I couldn't tolerate, I just needed to cry, and I couldn't stop, there's nothing in the world more painful than seeing someone crying with pain because of loosing someone close and dear specially in this savage way..
Uncle said while he was crying "A felt that he will die as a martyr, because the terrorists were killing the good young men, and "A" used to help the people who lost their houses due to explosions, and all what he cared about was how he could offer more help to people in need " his parents kept talking about "A", his wife and kid, and how a great guy he was, and I kept crying till my eyes and face became red, and felt like I had no more tears left!.
I wanted to go out side and scream until the politicians hear me and find a solution for this mess; our life is unbearable, no matter how I try not to think about how dangerous the situation is and convince myself that everything will be ok, I can't...
In the third day of Eid, we stayed home (we have no one to visit!!!) I felt really upset and remembered Eid before, how we use to celebrate with the people we love and how pleasant times we spent, it was my favorite time in the year..
In this Eid I realized how much do I miss my relatives and friends, I used to say "four days are not enough to celebrate Eid with everyone we know" now I feel two days are more than enough", each Eid our relatives decrease in number..
I spent the morning and noon crying without stop, first I tried to hold my tears then I gave up, I thought it would be better to cry and may be feel better after that..
In the fourth day of Eid, I decided to study physics, at about 11 am, visitors visited us, and I went jumping and running saying "MAMA YOU WON'T BELIEVE WE HAVE VISITORS" within 5 minutes I wore my new clothes, combed my hair while I was singing! I didn't think any one would dare to come to our scary neighborhood!
My grandpa's friend visited us with his family, they came from Bahsheeks, we had a good time although they stayed for very short time..
Then my mom suggested to go to my grandpa friend's farm, when I arrived there were tens of farmers who came hugging me!! Although I didn't remember any of them but they said they remembered me when I was child, my mom and I walked near the river, but the weather was so cold, so we returned home..
I'll have many exams this week, wish me luck..
Eid mubarak for everyone, specially the Muslims, may Iraq return peaceful, so that Iraqis come back home, and we start to celebrate Eid and all occasions just like what we used to before war..