Sunshine in rainy days ..

Hello friends
The sixth grade is my last and most important year in high school, since the academic year started till now I have continuous fear of something bad happens and disturbs my study like what happened last year, and the year before, there were too hard circumstances that didn't allow me to concentrate 100%..
I am studying well and doing my best, I give myself homework and study Arabic alone!! I'll even examine myself .. the teacher don't explain, beside she spend the whole time annoying us by saying " I won't teach you well, so take private lessons and if you don't have money I'll pay for you" or " there's nothing you can do to have miss S back" etc .. all of the problems that happened were because one hypocrite girl who ruined everything because of her selfishness, and jealousy, when we knew that she was behind not having miss S back, we faced her, but she couldn't face us and went to another class (everyone felt happy when she moved) now there won't be any arguments in my class anymore !!! I
Each day I study for 5 hours, and I feel confidence in myself that I can achieve my goal (god willing), as long as my parents and everyone I know is praying for me, and I am doing a good job so far, in holidays I spent Thursday from 5 pm till I go to bed resting and doing things I like, but I study in Friday and Thursday from 8 am till the evening .. .
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In my previous post, I talked about what happened to the Christians in Mosul, the most peaceful and honest caste, the situation didn't get better, but many had to come back, they couldn't stay in the tends anymore, my friends started to attend school again, it was great to have them back, when they came to school their friends ran and hugged them just like they didn't see them for ages.. I still feel so worried about everyone I know especially the Christians, I wake up thinking about them, have lunch wondering if they have enough food, sleep thinking if they have blankets or beds to sleep on ..
My friend contacted our friend's father who is a very respectful and educated man he said he just want to come back even if it is dangerous, his kids must go to school, and they can't tolerate sleeping in a small tent while they own a lovely house .. I felt shudder , and upset to know my friend in going through such hard circumstances.. also I feel powerless because we (the Muslims) couldn't protect them, we can't even protect ourselves, it is not in our hand, and the government didn't take any serious reaction ..
The last two orders that our prophet gave before he died were to be kind with women and to protect and treat the Christians the best way, because they supported the prophet and protected him with his followers, we own them forever otherwise it will consider a discrepant for his will..
Mosul citizens helped as much as they could, by raising amounts of money, bought food, matrixes, and necessary things and took them to villages where their friends and neighbors were staying, it is not a charity or so, it is our job to help each other, and support each other, I wish I'll wake up tomorrow and find everything good, no more battles, killing and threatening..
Sunshine.

Unbearable ..

Hello friends, it has been such a crazy chaotic week .. too many things happened, when I look back at my week I say "oh god I went through all of that?!!!!"
this week I was so busy with school, I had so much homework, also there were problems in school with a teacher, we want to have a different Arabic teacher, we have such a great teacher in school who taught the 6th grade for over than 28 years, and we want her to teach us this year instead of the teacher we have now who explains in a wrong way !!! .
beside being busy with school, and homework, this week was really bad, the situation became unbearable, the terrorists killed many Christians, and bombed their houses for no reason but trying to separate us from each other (which won't happen, our hearts are with the Christians in Mosul, we are praying for them continuously), many families left their city, and went to country side, I am so worried about all Christians I know, my neighbors, teachers, and friends, my best friend in the whole world is Christian, I don't know what will happen to me if terrorists hurts her or her family, I hope she'll remain safe, I pray for her and all Iraqis every single day..
I can't imagine that my neighbors, friends, and teachers who taught me for years, in kindergarten, primary and secondary were forced to leave and that they are living in the villages or churches, I heard that my favorite teacher is living in the tent, with her family and kids who left school, such a respectful loving and caring woman who taught generations for over than 30 years shouldn't live in a tent and be treated this way, nor the other Christians ..
What the hell the government is waiting for? 2000 families left Mosul last week, the terrorists are everywhere killing and threatening innocent Iraqis who belong to different religions and casts,.. we want a solution and we want it NOW ..
Few days ago, I came home tired from everything going on, the situation and school, I decided to take a nap before studying, I was falling asleep when something happened and I wasn't sure what was it at that time, my mom (half asleep) caught me from my arm and shouted without thinking "go to the kitchen" (she thought my brother was there) both of us ran to the kitchen but my brother wasn't there, she said "no run downstairs, to your brother" he was shouting and crying "mammy" I ran (half asleep) shoeless I was walking over things, dust and thick dark smoke filled the whole house (and still I didn't realize what happened!!), when I reached the last step in the stairs, I saw the living room in such horrible situation and damaged , just then my brain started working again and I realized it was big and close explosion ! I carried my brother who was shaking, shouting loud and standing in the corridor, then I felt that my legs failed me and I sat on the floor feeling dizzy trying to understand what had happened.
I heard my neighbors shouting and running in the street, my grandpa went out side to see what happened and heavy shooting started, grandpa (without thinking) drag my neighbor from his arm to avoid the gun-shots .. at that time my neighbor was in his way to his brothers' empty house to check it and see if it was damaged in a previous explosion happened earlier (my neighbor was threatened ,and left iraq with his family).
After few minutes another explosion happened, with tears on my brother's check he looked at me and said " you are a liar you said there won't be explosions any more" I couldn't answer, but I hugged him..
There were a lot of noise and shouts in the neighborhood, not everyone was lucky like my family and I, people died and others injured, one of my neighbors who is a new bride was injured badly in her face and neck, why should such a beautiful young lady live with scars in her face?? Oh god, your mercy, when will we have a peaceful life? I want to stop worrying and start living .. I missed school for one day, I stayed to help fixing the house, my brother went to grandpa while he was talking the man who'll make new windows for us and said "TELL HIM TO BRING BETTER WINDOWS THIS TIME SO THAT WHEN EXPLOSIONS HAPPEN NEXT TIME THEY DON'T BRAKE ,OK? my grandpa who's 70 years old cleaning and fixing the house
my grandma who's 63 years old cleaning ..
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This week I had my eyes examined , I went with grandpa , dad and sister (my vision is good, and I am still making exercises), anyway, we were walking when grandpa's friend stop us to say hi .. I was looking around and a strange thing caught my sight..
There were about 6 or 7 men standing in the corner selling books, they frightened me so much, the way they looked and their clothes style made me suspicious, the only thing that came to my mind was "terrorists" because why would 7 men sell few books? One man could do it !! beside I can tell from the way they looked (and god knows, maybe they are good but I don't think so :D), I didn't give attention and turned to grandpa's friend who asked me about my news .. but the whole time I kept praying nothing bad will happen and my grandpa's friend leave us so that we leave quickly, my dad, sister , grandpa, and his friend were talking and laughing and didn't notice those men's' presence. my sister was standing behind me she saw a cute baby and was waving to him so that he pay her attention! I drag her from her arm and asked her to stay between me and dad, because one of those men was looking at me and my sister with scorn and humiliation, he was looking deep into my eyes with a killing evil look made me terrified, his eyes were red, I'll never forget the feeling I felt at that time, I was praying I wont be kidnapped ..
It upsets me to see such people walking in our streets while the politicians are too busy to work seriously and provide security .
I hope things will get better I pray for that every single day from the bottom of my heart …
Sunshine .
P.s the explosion was only 50 meters away from our house !!!

Compendious diary...

My grandparents came to Mosul two days before Eid started, it was so great to see them again, I missed them a lot..
In the last day of Ramadan we celebrated my grandma's birthday , I made turkey and salad and we bought a cake, we had fun.
The first day of Eid was on Tuesday, we had a big family meeting in our eldest uncle's house, we didn't see many of them since last Eid (about a year ago), since the war started we couldn’t see each other except in occasions, we took a lot of pics , had lunch together, then other relatives came (my grandpa's cousins with their families) and we also had a lovely time .. .
In the second day of Eid we didn't know where to go, since the war started our relatives and friends left Iraq one after another, so we went to a shop, ate ice cream and then came home. In the third day of Eid we had lunch in another uncle's house, the food was delicious .
on Saturday we decided to go to Dhook, one of the Iraqi cities in the northern part of Iraq, it is safe, nice, and the nature is great there, we went with two other relative families, when we reached the gate, the soldiers said "you are not allowed to enter Dhook ! unless you bring a Kurdish guy as a warrantor " in the check point we saw another relative, he was also waiting for his Kurdish friend to come and let him in, while dad and his cousin were chatting near the car and waiting the Kurdish man, a soldier pushed my dad towards the car and shouted at him "go back now", thank god my dad didn't give him a blow on his face, dad came back with angry flushed face .mom said "lets go to the casino and have lunch in Mosul". Although my dad's cousin brought two Kurdish men (and one of them was an officer) they weren't allowed to enter !!!
it is ridiculous and humiliating, we can't even visit the other Iraqi cities can you believe that??!!! is this freedom?! and why Kurds are wandering in Mosul freely?!!!. we are all Iraqis as far as I know!!.

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we invited our relatives (my dad's uncle with his family) to have lunch in our house few days ago, our uncle came with his family at time, but his married daughter came late, when she reached our home she was pale and her voice was shaky, her husband ( he is a doctor)drove his car hastily without getting in to say hi, as soon as she reached our house she gave her baby sons to her sister and brother, I felt like she couldn't stand! she said "my husband just got a phone call , his uncles and cousins were shot by an armed men, while they were in a relative funeral, and he'll go to the hospital now with my brothers in law". it was a shocking news for all, oh, god Her husband's family were in the hospital and she didn't know if they were alive or not, she was also worried that those terrorists would go to the hospital and shoot them again.
Later, her husband called and said 4 of his relatives died, and that his cousin is dying "a matter of few hours, there's no chance for him to survive " he said .. he added that 6 bullets hit his grandpa and his other 5 relatives were also injured..
It is horrible, and devastating, 5 relatives died, and 6 relatives were staying in the emergency room..
The situation is not getting better at all, everyday is worse than the day before, specially in Mosul .
Now in Mosul the threaten was directed to the Christians, either they immigrate or get killed, I feel so worried about my friends, neighbors and everyone I know, the terrorists kill the innocent Iraqis and the government is watching.
Oh my god, everyday I hate the war more and more, it is the most horrible thing that happened to us, I don't know if we'll ever live in peace. The whole condition tense me, because it makes everything hard, even going to school or studying, we can't have a normal day without blood, or bad news..
School started last Monday, it is the most important year in my life, and I need to feel safe and comfortable to be able to concentrate since I am emotional. .I'll work hard, try to concentrate in spite of everything, keep calm and live each day without thinking about the next or past day.. as the situation is getting worse by time, our teachers are giving us extra homework and lessons so that we finish the curriculum quickly, they always tell us "a curfew may start in every minute and last for weeks".. our teachers in school for this year are not good, I must depend on myself 100%. ..
We need your prayers,
Sunshine