Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Monday, February 18, 2008

New hope ..

Staying at home all the time is really boring, but we have to get use to it, I wanted to write a post, but I had nothing to write about, the same routine ,day after day, in my spare time I do handmade work, I am reading a fantastic book called “ Don’t be sad” I like it very much, I think every Iraqi should read it!!! Specially during these circumstances, I listen to music all the time, and when we don’t have electricity I listen to Radio Sawa.. I’m working hard on my book, and Luke is editing it for me, he’s wonderful.
My mom’s uncle will find me a publisher (he lives in USA), I am so lucky to have such an encouraging relative..
My mom was sick, her blood pressure is not stabled, most of the Iraqis have blood pressure, because of all the stress in our lives ..
The new operation is about to start as you know, I feel like it’ll work this time, although not everyone think so, because the troops announced the operation before it starts ..
I still have hope, I don’t know why.. All the ex-operations failed, but there is a voice inside my heart telling me to be optimistic .
I think about Iraq a lot, what happened and what’s going to happen. When I think about our future I wonder weather it’ll worth every thing we faced , Hopefully.
I open the curtain above my bed, look at the sky, and think…
If the troops will defeat the terrorists and we’ll have security, my relatives who live abroad will come to Iraq, and I’ll be able to see my aunt again, we’ll do whatever we want and wear what we like, without being afraid from terrorists .. I’ll feel more free to write about what I feel, and you’ll be able to see Sunshine, I won’t have to make voice interviews only ..
Oh god how much I miss planning to picnics and preparing for parties, I feel I am so close to live in safety, and see my relatives , neighbors , & friends who had to leave Iraq again.
Every bad thing we got through will be a memory only, we’ve been living in a war zone for four long years, full of sadness & fear. It was a bad experience and no one would love to go through that, but It’s out of my power, I can’t end the war, but we say “if you have lemon, make lemonade” there’s no bright side in the war, but in this four years I became stronger, and independent person, I believe in myself and I know nothing can stop me from moving forward, not even the war, nor terrorists when I have determination and faith ..
I realized how much I love Iraq, I didn’t know how much Iraq means to me, until I saw It destroyed.
My heart ache whenever I look at the album, I used to wonder if we’ll ever feel the same joy we felt at that time, but in these days when I look at the albums I say to myself “hold on a little bit more, good days will come back”.. I have high spirit now, incase operation won’t succeed I don’t know what will happen to me .. but I have to prepare myself for the worse, so that I don’t get depressed if things didn’t work well, I don’t want to feel what I felt in the beginning of the war, I thought we’ll have the life we were told to have, a bright future, and live happily ever after, I didn’t know there’ll be fights and battles in front of my house.. I didn’t know I’ll see dead people in the streets nor hear all of the horrified stories that I hear each day, I didn’t know I’ll have to hide under the stairs for 10 hours continuously! I didn’t know the meaning of terrorism means nor terrorists in the past, but after the war I started to see the terrorists a lot, walking in our streets, killing and destroying.. I wasn’t told that I’ll see the people I love leaving Iraq or getting killed, and didn’t even imagine that going to school will be that hard, and it’ll be a challenge for me to try to concentrate..
I was happy and thought we’ll get rid of the ex regime, have a freedom & democratic country.. I didn’t know that It’ll cost so much, and until now we didn’t have a “free” country ..
I didn’t know I’ll spend the whole time feeling worried about my parents’ and relatives’ safety, I didn’t know many other facts, I made a perspective in my mind and then I was shocked with the reality.
But I pray our future will worth the sacrifices we made, the fear and sadness we felt..
Yesterday, I visited my relatives who live in our neighborhood, I sat with aunt and we started to look at the albums and remember the days before war, our picnics and their trip to London, we had a good time.. warm memories came back .. and after dinner we spent the time talking about funny things that happened, my first play in the kindergarten, my first song, & when I visited the children’s city for the first time ,I try to imagine how my mom kept jumping and saying “THAT’S MY GIRL , WOW” dad told me that all the people were staring at her, she was so excited !! I remember the children’s city very well, Mariam has some unclear memories, but Yosif didn’t get the chance to visit the children’s city nor any real play yard.
We try not to go out of the neighborhood , the terrorists will try to kill and destroy as much as they can in their “last days” , Yesterday a car-bomb exploded near my relatives house, their house damaged badly , & yesterday there was a fight in my neighborhood, but however I feel like the explosions in my neighborhood are less than before .. We even had our lunch in the garden couple of times, the weather is cooler during noon time, it was impossible for us to do that 3 weeks ago because of the near by explosion and the continuous shooting.
Grandma told me that when there won’t be explosions anymore we’ll fix the walls (many bullets entered our walls) and of course fix the windows, and doors again, she also said will paint our house, it has black spots because of the near by explosions and fires .. I look forward for that ..
I look forward to move into my room again!!! all the explosions and shootings happen in the street which face my room that’s why I didn’t sleep nor change my clothes there for about two years!! Sometimes I try to sleep there, but after a night or two I can’t bear it, and come back to my sister’s..
I have wonderful room that don’t sleep in, and nice desk but I study in the corridor!!


At 11:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Sunshine,

I am in agreement with your hope for the new operation to be a complete success.

I am so very sorry for all the bad things you have had to suffer through the past four years.

Please stay safe even if it means not using your own room. I hope it will improve immediately.

Please keep us informed. We sure appreciate your up-dates.

At 12:38 AM, Blogger Mister Ghost said...

If you try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough...

Optimistic by Radiohead

At 4:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunny I wish I could tell you the good days will come back but I can't. Life only moves forward so I believe there will be many good days to come, but nothing ever goes back to what it was.It came still become great. It's not just the troops that have defeated the terrorists in other places it's because of the strength of the people themselves, people like you. Freedom has always had a high price, but the rewards can be great. Terrorism, hatred, and fear have an even higher price and we've all seen what terrorists offer as reward. Love Iraq, but remember there are people all over now that care a great deal and I'm sure that in the future when you travel on your book tour : ) there are many places where you will feel at home. You have a great future ahead. Keep yer Sun shining, Solo

At 4:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a very nice post. I will have to think about it more to make further comments. It was very touching and thoughtful. Hope your mother feels better soon.

At 5:21 AM, Blogger Tossing Pebbles in the Stream said...

Keep dreaming of a better future.
Your optimism must be a source of strength for your mother.

Stay safe and live with courage.

At 6:46 AM, Blogger Dancewater said...

I wish that all your hopes and dreams will come true.

And, you will stay in my thoughts for a long, long time.

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sunshine

I like reading your weblog and
enjoy it.

Take Care

At 2:31 PM, Blogger benny said...

Sunshine, you really do live up to your name! Your optimism in times of struggle is truly admirable. I look forward to the days when you can truly speak of the war in past-tense.

At 7:45 PM, Blogger John said...

I'm glad that you are so brave and believe so much in your family and country and God. It obviously gives you strength. Take good care of yourself and please stay safe. We can't afford to lose you.

At 10:50 PM, Blogger cat said...

Hey Sunny Girl!
I loved this post. I thought it was beautiful. Of all the posts I've seen on this blog, this one is my absolute favorite. It contains one of the most valuable lessons ever: It teaches us to never take anything for granted. I take having delicious meals three times a day for granted; I met some kids last year that have maybe lunch at school and whatever food in the house for dinner and that's it. I think we all take having a house and warm place to stay for granted. And worst of all, many, many people here in the US take Freedom for granted. Perhaps the biggest mistake ever. Freedom is the most precious possession of any American, yet sometimes we choose to ignore it. It makes me angry when I see people that use their freedom to protest against our armed forces and the war. It is because of our armed forces that they have the very freedom that allows them to speak their mind. Why do they use that against our heroes?
I hope and most of all pray that every day of the US's occupation in Iraq will make a marked difference in Mosul, and that everybody in harm's way will make it back home. Also, that Iraq will become a Free nation that will grow and grow.
Love you lots,

At 11:42 PM, Blogger Santa Rosa New School Aikido said...

Thanks for keeping us informed Sunshine. I look forward to reading your book. Sending best thoughts to you and yours.

At 11:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just wondering, how did Iraqis receive and think of 9/11? It is sort of the main reason for all these strikes on terror, and I'm just wondering how did the news reach Iraq (most media over her tries to show the Iraqi people as all happy about it), and what effect did it have on you all?

At 5:06 AM, Blogger Serguei said...

Reading your blog must teach us to complain less...

You´ll see how everything will be better. Cheers!

At 9:48 PM, Blogger Captain Jarred Fishman, USAFR said...

Hang in there Sunny! You are doing great, in the end all this sacrifice will be worth it and you will grow up wealthy and happy!!

At 11:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog gives me hope, and a fresh outlookon life. All the best

At 2:16 AM, Blogger Jhondie said...

Hello Sunshine. Its me your Numero Uno Fan :) I wonder if there was a way to work for you as your body guard without being charged for treason. I would take so much joy in killing those animals who run around shooting at your house and blowing up your windows. Well I really hope the people who are there can get the job done. Please stay safe until the dust settles. Peace be with you.

At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Quote "Staying at home is boring." You must be getting use to it. IF gunfire and large explosions were going on in my neighborhood I just don't think boring would be the word that comes to mind. Stay safe and strong Sunny. Lets hope that this will be over soon. Your post may be the best ever.

At 10:50 PM, Blogger programmer craig said...

This is why I voted for you fro Prime Minister :)

Hang in there, Sunshine

At 10:50 PM, Blogger David said...

Hi Sunshine, I really hope the situation in Mosul will get better soon! The news about your book is interesting. I wish you good luck with it!

Have you seen or spoken to Hnk recently? I think she could use some cheering up.

Take care and stay safe.

At 5:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

there is a new maturity about your optimism you know, but its still there. a lesson to us all. take care sunshine

At 7:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sunshine!

I visit your blog every so often to catch up on how you and your family are doing. I'm glad evryone is still safe, and you are still optimistic about the future.
Your English is becoming very good, and now you're writing a book! I'm sure you will find a publisher, your writing is too good to be ignored. I can't wait to buy your book.
You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers; stay safe and keep writing.


At 7:47 PM, Blogger Ripama said...


This is a fantastic post. You were able to express your thoughts, feelings, hopes and aspirations in a way very few others can.

Your sentimenst are especially touching because those of us who have read you over the years know of your sincerity.

With this kind of ability you could quit your job as Prime Minister, and get a new job as an author.

At 7:17 PM, Blogger Michomeme said...

Hi Sunshine,

We all hope that Mousul new operation will be a "decisive battle" against Al-Qaeda, Let us all pry for that, we don't wanna more killing or terror. I'm going on proceeding Mousul's news, this is part of my daily job, I remember you whenever I got any new informations about Mousul.
Keep up the good work girl, Keep shining, and take care...

Micho From Iraq

At 5:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Dear Sunshine,

Your post is so full of hope and with that a light for the world. You show the world that good is stronger than evil. Your thoughts create an energy of good that flow through your words.
I too believe that Iraq will be beautiful again and a beacon of freedom in the middle east.
Iraqis have paid a heavy price for this and I am so sorry.
Your pride in your country and your people is truly beautiful, this is what a bomb could never ever destroy.
You stand strong my friend and we stand with you. Together evil does not have a prayer.

At 2:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Sunshine,
I wish the best for your mother's health. Insha'Allah, she'll be better soon. Good luck on your book. As soon as it's out, I'll definitely buy it and make sure all my friends read it too.
Keep writing. It's always best to have an outlet. Keep having hope and continue to be optimistic. I'm sure that soon those good old memories will become even better new experiences.
How's your school going? I wish I could come there once, just to hear different perspectives. As my classes drag on and on, I wonder how yours might feel with its uncertainties.
Take care & lots of prayers,

At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My prayers for your safety and success, Sunshine.

I also did not know how much I cared for Iraq until I saw it destroyed. Now I grieve with Iraqis for their losses and fear for the loss of one of my own family.

This year or next, I think the madness will end. Everyone across the world is tired of using violence to solve political disputes. "What do I require of thee, O Man? To love mercy and do justice, and to walk humbly with your God."


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