Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Friday, February 17, 2006

Crying instead of shining .........

Hello all , it has been a very bad week for me ,I spent my mid year holiday in Baghdad , I had a nice time there ,my mom didn't have a surgery (they postponed it) , & I was a babysitter for two days!!! My way to Baghdad was ok, but my way back to Mosul was terrible I spend NINE hours in the unpaved roads... we came back to Mosul as soon as we could because my grandma's mom died during her surgery.
When I reached home I received a call from my friend, she was rather sad, I asked her if there was anything wrong:
- is there anything wrong?
- I am afraid that our friend R lost her Dad
- What? How? Why? When?!
- I don't know
- Who told you?
- I knew that from a friend
- did you contact with her in the holiday?
- No
I ended the call hoping that it is a nightmare, or there is a mistake…
I went to my room & my eyes were full with tears, I called my friends and they said that it's true she lost her Dad but they didn't know how or when.
After 10 minutes I received an SMS from my friend saying " I knew that R's Dad was murdered " I drooped my book from my hand , & cried a lot , I was thinking why would someone kill him ? what was his guilt ?, he is an engineer, not a policemen , nor from the national guards , he don't cooperate with any political gathering , & he isn't rich , as these are the reasons behind killing nowadays…..
I told my mom about that and she was shocked too.
When I calmed down & stopped crying, I decided to call R…
but I couldn't control my emotions , I tried so hard to be strong , but unfortunately I failed , we had this conversation :
- Hello, R, how are you?
- Hi
- I heard about your Dad, is that true?
- Yes, it is
- I am truly sorry for your loss
- Thanks, me too…
- What happened?
- My uncle came to stay with us for few days ,( he lives in Sad Al -Mosul near the dam's lake, an area about 40 kilometers to the north of Mosul ) , when he decided to go back to his home , my dad wanted to spend the weekend in my uncle's house . He decided to go with my uncle, my dad in his car, with my cousin who needed a lift to his collage.
My dad went & told my uncle to wait for him near the university so they can drive together , after my uncle put his stuff in the car he went to catch my dad , in the road he heard shooting , but he didn't know what was going on first , after he came nearer he saw a car with men wearing black clothes shooting towards my dad's car ,then ran away, my uncle ran to my dad's car , but it was tooo late , he saw my dad & my cousin died , he called the hospital & they sent him an ambulance . Then he went to my big uncle's house first & explained to him what happened, he came to us & said that my dad & cousin are injured, but they didn't die... he took my mom to my big uncle's house , where there was a family meeting , & I stayed at home with my brothers & sisters , my aunt picked me to my uncle's house noon , I knew that there is something wrong from her eyes , I asked her to tell me the truth , she said " your dad & cousin died this morning "
- May Allah bless their souls.
- we had the solace in my uncle's house because ours is very small, & on the third day of the solace my mom needed some stuffs from our house, my uncle went to bring them, but he was late, so my other uncle went to see if there is anything wrong, he saw him laying near his car, & there was blood on his body, he ran to him but he was murdered , we lost three people from my family in 4 days .it was shocking for us all ….
- You will be ok, I know you are brave
- I hope so, you will come to school tomorrow, right?
- Yes, & what about you?
- Yes I will
- Ok, bye
- Bye, I'll see you tomorrow
(Btw our solace last for 3 days)
My dad felt sad when he heard that, because R's dad was his class mate at collage ….
R is one of the intelligent pupils in my class , she always get high marks & she is loved by everyone , she have 6 uncles , 5 brothers & sisters : a 4 years old girls twins , another 7 years old boy twins & her sister is 12 years old , & of course "R "she is 15 … her mom is a teacher .
The teacher's salary is not high , that makes me wonder if she (R's mom) can offer a good life for 6 children. How can she pay for the bills? Buy clothes from them & feed them? How can she pay for the medicines? Buy the school stuffs, like bags, clothes, & stationeries? Their mom can't pay for that, with her low salary (157000 ID, about 105 $!!)As you know life here is very expensive??
My friend R have so many ambitions she want to be a doctor, I pray that she can achieve her dreams...
On the next day she came to school, we finished our classes & stayed in the classroom, the girls were talking and she was very sad, suddenly she left, do you know why? a girl got low marks and said " my dad will reproof me " R began to cry, we all went to her trying to calm her down, I controlled my feelings, & didn't cry, but not everyone could, they asked me to talk to her, as I was the brave one among them!!!, I talked to her and told her about my relative's story, (my mom wrote about that in her post "what was his guilt? " ) But when she said "what I will do with those high marks, my dad is gone , I wish I got low marks & return him back instead….. I pray to god to protect your dad & mom", at that time I couldn't control my tears at all , it is hard to do that when you see someone you love is really hurt because of losing someone close …..
That made me think to improve my relationship with my dad , as you know we have bad relationship ,at that night I kissed him ,gave him a hug & wished him a good night, for the first time since a long time , I think he wondered why ???!!!!
I pray god to protect us all, & bless R & her family ….
Crying Sunshine …
Btw, I got 97% in English for the second time I will try to get higher.


At 6:19 PM, Blogger Annie said...

I read your posting with tears. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain suffered by your friend. Please know that I am praying for you, your family and your friend. May God bless you indeed.

At 7:51 PM, Blogger wade said...

Our dear Sunshine, (I use "our" because you are a gift to all of us who have become aquainted with you on your blog) Please know that you have many friends who are thinking of you and praying for peace and better times for you, your family, your friends and all the people of Iraq.
And it is OK to cry..... don't hold back when you are sad or grieving......You will have better days starting with today thinking about all those who love you. Wade in Houston

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm crying right now...i am so sorry for your friend's loss. things like that, just aren't right. be there for her & let her know you love her.

love and peace, from atlanta

At 3:19 AM, Blogger Kim said...

I'm so sorry Sunshine that you are enduring this difficult time. Your tears show your compassion and your pain. God counts every tear and cries them with you. We are praying for you, your family and your friends. Your friends are very blessed to have you for a caring friend.

At 7:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Sunshine,
I am so sorry to hear of the murder of your friend's father. Death of a loved one is always hard but death by violence is the worst of all.
To think your friend and her brothers and sisters growing up without a father is so hard to imagine.
I do not know why life is so incredibly sad some times.

At 12:52 AM, Anonymous Wayne said...

Sunshine; I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend's father and your great-grand-mother. For the life of me, I can not understand how or why people can be so terribly destructive.

On the other hand, I am so happy to finally hear from you. I have been worried because in your last post you said your mother was going to have an operation. I was afraid that something had gone wrong during the procedure.

I am also happy to hear that you shared your love with your father. We men do love our children, be they girls or boys. We just seem to have a different way of showing it. Please continue to love and trust your dad.

Our prayers are with you, your family and all good Iraqi people. We hope things will be better soon.

Stay safe and stay strong. You are a great help to us who have never lived under the circumstances you must live under.

At 3:05 AM, Anonymous Brandon said...

Sunshine, please accept my sincerest condolences regarding the loss of your friend's father. I know how difficult it is dealing with the loss of anyone close whether they are a friend or family. I too have had a victim of a crime. My dear sister vanished without a trace and was never heard from again. It is truly a travesty that there are radical agencies such as these cursed men who commit heinous transgressions such as homicide and then invoke jihad as an attempt to justify their accursed crimes. I know from my study of Islam that it is truly a religion of peace, these zealots are using a facade of it to promote their 'agenda' and engaging in ulterior motives at the same time. I wish you the best during this difficult time and hope that Iraq becomes a shining beacon of peace much like its former glory of ancient times.

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Running Man said...

my god. thats rough man holy s**t. i'm sure you will do better in your next exam...

At 1:18 PM, Blogger emre said...

please tell us where you live. iraq does not make sense.. lol where are you from..

At 3:17 PM, Blogger JLB said...

Dear Sunshine,

I am sorry for R's loss, and for the pain you all feel. R is very lucky to have your friendship, especially now.

Stay strong Sunshine!

You are all in my prayers,

At 10:22 PM, Blogger Melinda said...

I've been worried about you, Sunshine. I'm glad you were able to post, but I am so sorry about the sadness you shared with us.

Please accept my offer of sympathy for your loss as well as that of your friend.


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At 12:24 PM, Blogger olivebranch said...

oh my dear... I cant believe the sadness in this story and your mothers post... This kind of thing should not have to happen to good people.

Great decision to hold your dad closer to your heart than you had been, especially in the lives you lead my dear, I think I have said it before..

we all love you and if god listens to us, at least you will remain safe.

At 12:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 9:35 AM, Blogger Dan M said...

We in the West know of grief, indeed, hardly a family has been untouched by the rememberance of death in battle.

The first day, the first day, YES DAY, of the Somme offensive saw 60,000 casualties for the British.

And Britain went into the Great War all to preserve Belgian neutrality.

My Uncle spent three days buried alive in the Huertgen Forest, and my Father's brother, died, in action, the early morning hours, June 6th, 1944.

My own Father spent MONTHS behind enemy lines in Korea, fighting to preserve freedom for a people he didn't know, and when he came out, he spent a full year in a hospital.

My country didn't get its freedom handed to it, nor have we preserved it, by mere good thoughts, trying to mind our own business, and go our own way.

What is being asked of you, wrenched from you, others have known. It doesn't diminish the ferocity of your pain, nor remove the weight of your greif.

But by knowing what we have gone through, and to an extent are going through now, you can place your suffering in a great historical context. And you can discern hope, through your tears.

You have courage, and you are going to have need of it.

At 2:31 AM, Blogger keri said...

I am so terribly sorry for the loss you friend and so many others in Iraq have suffered. Please know that there are so many people around the world praying and thinking about all of you ever day.

At 11:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am crying as I read your email and can only imagination what pain this war has caused. Please keep your head high and remember that you are strong. We Americans are praying that this all ends soon. May Allah protect you and your family. I think about you daily when news of Iraq comes. Take care of yourself & your family. Anna's Mom

At 9:56 PM, Anonymous tracy Rolling said...

Sunshine, I am so sad that you have so much suffering in yoiur life right now. You are very brave.

At 1:14 AM, Anonymous Gene said...

Oh Sunshine, it is so hard when you have a friend suffer from such a loss, you want to comfort them so much but are able to only do a little. I pray that you and your family will remain safe, that your friend and her family will find some help. I hope that things improve for your mother with her work, I work in a hospital too as a Surgical Nurse. I'm glad that your grade were good, you must work so hard on your school leasons. I have an 18 and an 14 year old daughter, both have so much homework (school leasons to do at home) that they have little time for anything else. Your English is very good - as good or better than many kids in the US if you can believe that. I have a friend who is a teacher and they would tell you the same thing :) Take care, be safe, Gene

At 5:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


As a first time reader of your blog, and I've read every post over the past few hours, I just want to say what in inspiration you are to me. As I am retired from the U.S. military, where I was an Arabic Linguist, I have particular interest on what goes on in your country. I truely wish that your dreams for you country come true, and I feel that with people such as yourself and your family members who also blog, Iraq has a bright future. There will be a day in Iraq when things like the murder of your friends father, and the others you spoke of no longer happen, and I hope that day comes sooner rather than later. Thank you for sharing. Believe me, I will keep reading.


At 1:14 AM, Anonymous David All said...

This is a horrible tragedy, Sunshine. Please give my deepest sorrow to your friend R and her family. I pray that all these deaths are not in vain.

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