My Sumerian blood... My frustrated feeling...

I didn’t write for a long time, because I don’t have anything new or good to write about, the same killing routine day after day, and I didn’t know what to write about ( I had no inspiration) !! I believe that if you want to have a good life create a good one, but the problem is the condition around me make it impossible to live normally, everything in Iraq is really hard ..
Today I studied for about 3 hours in hot weather and prepared my homework, when I was ready to go to my teacher’s house, my driver called saying the roads and the bridge are closed and he can’t come, so I called another driver lives nearby who came quickly, we spent an hour trying to find one open road but we failed, I was so angry, I came home and told my mom I’ll go walking but she didn’t allow me and said “ I am not insane to allow my teenage daughter to walk under the sun at 2 pm in August in such hot weather ,beside it is too dangerous” grandpa and grandma offered to take me and try to find an open road, and again we couldn’t find one and came back home .
I am frustrated all I want is a safe and open road so that I can go to school or private lessons like all students in the whole world, be a good citizen and rebuild the country I love, I am doing my best to make my life seems normal, and try to go to my teacher’s houses no matter how far they live and how serious the situation is, but sometimes I feel that I can’t, I just want a rest, because I can’t take it any longer ..
School and studying are not so much fun for all of the students right? well add to that spending hours in order to reach!!! hearing gun-fire and explosions in your way, And seeing horrible views in your way to school such as armed men, dead people etc, sometimes I feel it is amazing how I can tolerate that..
I see on TV. and internet, talk with people abroad and wonder, we are all human beings have feelings, strength and have the same needs, why do Iraqis have to suffer that much and have that pain in side their hearts? While other people don’t get through 1% of what we are going through .. they have a good life without war and all that mess.
My friend’s brother went to Turkey and when he came back he said to me “ I feel so angry, Iraqis are also human beings, why do we have such different lives?” instead of having fun he came back frustrated, he said people treat Arabs and Iraqis is such humiliating way..
You can’t imagine the feeling when you are not welcomed in any country, and that people look down at you when you have no guilt, and no matter how much I write and tell you, you can’t understand how it feels like when you are humiliated in your own country as well as out of it…..
Two days ago my family and I arrived home, dad was opining the garage’s door and tanks came by they started to wave and pressing horns at us to go away, I felt so angry because the car is in front of OUR OWN garage in OUR OWN neighborhood, grandma went out of the car quickly but I couldn’t move I don’t know why I felt like someone tied me and I couldn’t get out and at once I remember our relative’s neighbors, their dad and mom were opening the garage’s door and the family members were in the car, they didn’t notice the tanks and unfortunately the soldiers shot them, their mom died and her two kids were injured, but the dad is alive, we have an aphorism says “it is our own house and people kick us out” it is exactly what’s happening here its so hard to be an Iraqi, but no matter how it get worse I’ll always have the Sumerian blood and I refuse to belong to any other nationality..

Sunshine