So many things to talk about ..

I had a great time fishing, & thought everyone was happy, I didn't know that my mom burst in tears nor about the bullet that hit the tree few centimeters away from my mom, she hide that and didn't mention it. When she told me my heart began to beat fast and I felt horrible, and started to think what if my mom was a little bit to the right or to the left, I wouldn't forgive myself because I wanted to go fishing and they agreed because they wanted me to be happy.
I felt guilty how I was fishing and spent the time with B and M while mama was crying missing her parents, if I knew she was upset I wouldn’t' leave her, but I didn't notice her sadness (because I spent the majority of time away from her).
After I came back from the picnic I knew that my mom cousin's brother-in-law was killed and left behind him a widow, 3 daughter (the eldest is in my age and the youngest is few months old) as well as an old sick mother, and of course brothers, sisters, and people care about him. God bless his soul. Last year the terrorists shot his brother he lost his leg and every part in his body hurt badly, he lost his teeth, jaw , and every part of his body was damaged, he's still alive but suffering.
Lately we celebrated my dad's birthday, he is 42 year old now, we had a nice time, took pictures and sent them to my grandparents and Rose.. ..
On Thursday, we were in our way to the house after we visited my dad's uncle house, and we saw a weird gathering near my neighbor's house, dad said " oh my god" I replied " don't be pessimist, maybe they have family meeting, or maybe those guys are standing with the neighbors to have fun, see there are kids too ", but in the next day dad came and said he's going to a funeral, I was astonished, and felt afraid because my grandma was talking to the phone with my relative "E" I was hoping there's nothing wrong, because I know E's brother-in-law was killed few months ago, and I was thinking about her other brother-in-law, dad said " do you remember the gathering in the street ? Our neighbor's son was kidnapped, the kidnappers killed their son after taking a lot of money from his family, they asked them to go under the bridge to take their son's body, their other son went to take his brother's corpse with two of his nephews, but they suspected in a car near the corpse, the policemen came and they kept waiting, then they reached a conclusion that it is not a car bomb!!!, when they went nearby the body the car exploded killing them all"
What a tragedy, 4 innocents died from the same family, the same house?!! Leaving behind them widows, orphans, and loving family , I can't imagine the feeling of their mother, who lost 2 sons and grandsons, I can't imagine the feeling of the woman who lost her husband, & her two sons , oh my god, it reminds me of my friend R.
I do feel scared, from everything, even if I try to hide it, but there's a horrifying feeling inside me. Everyday I hear a shocking news, my neighborhood is more dangerous than before, about 4 car bombs were found this week, beside the so many mines. Every street leads to my house is closed, no one can enter/leave my neighborhood, we are stuck!!!! How will I be able to go to school? Hospital? We can't even go to the other side from the neighborhood.
The day before yesterday I had a simple asthma attack, I took a medication and had a rest, I became better but the medicine makes me shake and cause palpitation .. so I was in the living room resting, and saw my neighbor wearing her pajamas and running to my other neighbor's house, It was strange but I didn't give that any attention, then after a minute I heard my sister shouting and yelling I hurried up and she was running saying " A CAAAAAAAR BOOOOOMB IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD" she was panicked, and grandma said" OPEN ALL THE WINDOWS AND DOORS, ANOTHER BOMB CAR" I started to pray we'll remain safe and no one get hurt (I wrote a prayer on a paper), I also got panicked, I open a window in a room and run to the other and open a window, then come back and open the other windows in the previous room ???????!!!!!
I tried to open the doors but I couldn't insert the key, my hands were shaking in a scary way! (from the situation and the medication) So grandma opened the doors upstairs instead of me.. It's the first time I see my hands shaking like that..
We waited for 3 hours in the corridor, but nothing happened, so we continued our day but with alertness.
I was so worried about my mom, we didn't have coverage and I couldn't call her, after about 100 attempts I got through but we didn't hear each other.
At 5:20 pm we heard a very loud explosion, it appeared it was behind our house, dad was near the window and saw the military car damaged..
This week my best friend came to Iraq, we know each other since we were 5 years old, "O" had to leave Iraq because of the bad situation and because her relative was a minister, she is very lovely girl, and has the sweetest heart ever.. she called me and we talked a lot, but I was unable to visit her, of course .. we chat from time to time, but I really want to see her and give her a huge hug.
She said the Jordanians treat them really bad and call the Iraqis bad names, the Jordanians policemen beat the Iraqis while they were celebrating the winning of our football team, she was there and told me about the whole thing, I am really mad, the Jordanians should appreciate what we done to them..
اذا انت اكرمت الكريم ملكته وان انت اكرمت اللئيم تمردا

Live strong and pray for us..
Sunshine..