Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

My Sumerian blood... My frustrated feeling...

I didn’t write for a long time, because I don’t have anything new or good to write about, the same killing routine day after day, and I didn’t know what to write about ( I had no inspiration) !! I believe that if you want to have a good life create a good one, but the problem is the condition around me make it impossible to live normally, everything in Iraq is really hard ..
Today I studied for about 3 hours in hot weather and prepared my homework, when I was ready to go to my teacher’s house, my driver called saying the roads and the bridge are closed and he can’t come, so I called another driver lives nearby who came quickly, we spent an hour trying to find one open road but we failed, I was so angry, I came home and told my mom I’ll go walking but she didn’t allow me and said “ I am not insane to allow my teenage daughter to walk under the sun at 2 pm in August in such hot weather ,beside it is too dangerous” grandpa and grandma offered to take me and try to find an open road, and again we couldn’t find one and came back home .
I am frustrated all I want is a safe and open road so that I can go to school or private lessons like all students in the whole world, be a good citizen and rebuild the country I love, I am doing my best to make my life seems normal, and try to go to my teacher’s houses no matter how far they live and how serious the situation is, but sometimes I feel that I can’t, I just want a rest, because I can’t take it any longer ..
School and studying are not so much fun for all of the students right? well add to that spending hours in order to reach!!! hearing gun-fire and explosions in your way, And seeing horrible views in your way to school such as armed men, dead people etc, sometimes I feel it is amazing how I can tolerate that..
I see on TV. and internet, talk with people abroad and wonder, we are all human beings have feelings, strength and have the same needs, why do Iraqis have to suffer that much and have that pain in side their hearts? While other people don’t get through 1% of what we are going through .. they have a good life without war and all that mess.
My friend’s brother went to Turkey and when he came back he said to me “ I feel so angry, Iraqis are also human beings, why do we have such different lives?” instead of having fun he came back frustrated, he said people treat Arabs and Iraqis is such humiliating way..
You can’t imagine the feeling when you are not welcomed in any country, and that people look down at you when you have no guilt, and no matter how much I write and tell you, you can’t understand how it feels like when you are humiliated in your own country as well as out of it…..
Two days ago my family and I arrived home, dad was opining the garage’s door and tanks came by they started to wave and pressing horns at us to go away, I felt so angry because the car is in front of OUR OWN garage in OUR OWN neighborhood, grandma went out of the car quickly but I couldn’t move I don’t know why I felt like someone tied me and I couldn’t get out and at once I remember our relative’s neighbors, their dad and mom were opening the garage’s door and the family members were in the car, they didn’t notice the tanks and unfortunately the soldiers shot them, their mom died and her two kids were injured, but the dad is alive, we have an aphorism says “it is our own house and people kick us out” it is exactly what’s happening here its so hard to be an Iraqi, but no matter how it get worse I’ll always have the Sumerian blood and I refuse to belong to any other nationality..



At 7:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your desires and wishes - to be able to go to school care free seem like such little desires and wishes to me. I agree with you that you should have those rights. I pray for your life to get better.

At 7:54 PM, Blogger John said...

I am so sorry, Sunshine, and angry and ashamed.
And I am so proud of you for being strong and true.
I don't know what else to say.

At 8:16 PM, Blogger John said...

P.S. You have good reason to be angry and frustrated and sad, I know that I have no right to say anything at all but I believe that Iraq is going to be okay -- not mainly because you guys invented civilization (which you did) -- nor because of anything anybody can do for or to you -- but because you've got people like yourself and Najma and your other friends.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

Honey, I'm so sorry. I don't know why some people suffer so much more than some other people. You're right, we are all human beings, with the same wishes, hopes and desires: A good life for ourselves and those whom we love.

There is nothing for me to say to comfort you, other than to remind you that those of us who read your blog love and respect and admire you. You help ensure that we do not forgot the plight of the Iraqi people. We are working to help in anyway we can.

At 12:20 AM, Blogger Captain Jarred Fishman, USAFR said...

I am sure it is frustrating- but you have to look at the other side as well. Civilian casualties in Iraq are the lowest in five years, Iraqi Army and US casualties are the lowest in years, the terrorists are being driven out of every city in Iraq. Mosul and Baquba are the two worst cities where Al Qaeda continues to fight, but you need to realize that two years ago the entire country was in a vicious civil war of mass murder, and today most of Baghdad is completely free of violence. Be patient and keep working hard- the future is going to continue to be better than the past.

At 9:09 AM, Blogger Kadam007 said...

Sunshine, I can understand your frustrations and the conditions in Iraq. But please don't lose hope. You are a very courageous sweet girl and u shud continue being the same, no matter what are the circumstances are...Keep in touch with us thru your posts. I love your posts. I have also added your blog link to my favourites.Take care sunshine.

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Kadam007 said...

Is that you in the pic?

At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't lose hope! Hope is everything what you have!
I am a Pole. I don't know in which you are of situation but don't give up!

At 4:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sunshine

I am from Iran and read your weblog regularly.
all of us moslems and become very sad about the siuation in Iraq.
I pray for you and your family .
please read my weblog and leave
comment for me.

At 7:39 PM, Blogger Ripama said...


You've been upbeat, courageous, and strong for so long it's understandable that you'd start to get weary and frustrated.

Take care of yourself first before you take care of us.

At 7:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh heart breaks for you. Every word that you write is true!

Perhaps if the US elections go the right way...soon..the soldiers will leave your homeland. I trust the Iraqi people..yes people like you with proud sumerian rebuild and help other Iraqi citizens to live a happy and fear free life.

Your day is coming little can bank on that.

Laurie (Canada)

At 5:45 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Dear Sunshine
Insyaallah, things will be better. Have faith. I am grateful that i am a Malaysian, in which the country is peaceful. and for you, lil sis, i do admire you for your courage. Trust me, your fellow countrymen & countrywomen are amongst the courageous being on this earth. We'll continue to pray for you and for all Iraqis. Thanks for sharing with us about your life, about reality in Iraq and for instilling something some of us may not feel hadn't we read your blog - safe. brave.

At 7:18 PM, Blogger Don Cox said...

The future of Iraq depends on people like you. You are the generation that will build the new Iraq after all the trouble is over - which it will be, one day. _________ Look at how much the Germans suffered in the first half of the 20C, with at least ten million dead, cities completely flattened, etc. Yet, after 1945, the country recovered, and is now peaceful and prosperous. Chine suffered even worse in the 20C, and is now beginning to recover (although not yet a free democracy). So hold on to hope.

At 8:02 PM, Blogger RoyalTLady said...

Courageous young lady,

We in Malaysia are aware of the going ons in Iraq and we feel so deeply for you, our sisters and brothers.

The most recent outbreak, it was heart breaking indeed... we thought they would have left you in peace...

Remain as you are, be patient. Allah's test and help are there everyday, otherwise things would have got worse off.

Regards to your family.

At 8:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunshine, your journal has been so uplifting for me to read. Even when you report bad stuff happening it still comes across hopeful. Don't lose heart, be the strong, smart, courageous and gifted young woman you are. Deke in Texas

At 9:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Sunshine,

I know it is difficult and frustrating for you right now. Even with all the good statistics, all the good news regarding Iraq in general, your experience of what is happening right around you is your experience.

I hope you'll find some comfort in the fact that since the surge began July 2007, which added about 140,000 US troops alone, the Iraqi Army has increased by 140,000 troops and the US 140,000 have returned to the US.

There has been much improvement around Iraq and the bad guys are putting up the last fight in your city. They have been, for the most part, run out of the rest of your country.

I'm so sorry you have to experience the difficulties and witness the horrors. You have always had a way of getting through things by realizing that although things may be far from perfect, there's always someone who is a little worse off. I am continually amazed at your strength and your empathy for the plight of others even when you have your own challenges.

I wish you and your family well and I'm looking forward to the days when you can post about things getting better. And that day will come, rest assured.

Take good care of yourself!

At 11:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunshine, sweet dear friend, I am so sorry. It frustrates me that this is all I can do is say I am sorry. I am praying for you, your family, friends and all of Iraq!
I hold you in my heart dear one and send you love.

At 11:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunshine sweetie I am so sorry. I wish I could make it all better.
I am praying for you, your family, friends and Iraq.
I hold you in my heart, please do not feel alone in your pain. As we hear you and weep for all war to stop.
In friendship always,

At 5:41 AM, Blogger cat said...

Lt Fishman is right.
al Qaeda is being routed from the country, but now it is up to you Iraqis to step up and take control of your cities. Our soldiers are helping you do that by training the IA and IP (patrolling with them, teaching them, and mentoring them), and meeting with local leaders (talking about how to route the enemy, and guiding them towards doing the right thing). Of course, no army can fight a war if it's own country spits on them and hates them. You as civilians need to rally together, elect a strong and wise leader, and help your IA, IP, and our soldiers with kicking AQI out. The Anbar Awakening was just that; Realization of the horrors of al Qaeda spurred a revolution in your people, and Anbar Province has improved immeasurably since then. Basra: AQI can't go there, your people will turn them in and refuse to hide them. Now it's up to the people of Mosul to do the same, and it won't happen by complaining about it. Strong people have to stand up and be willing to sacrifice everything, and when other people see that courage, it spreads; it's contagious. Please don't be angry Sunshine. The situation IS improving, and it will continue to do so if the Iraqi people join together and turn al Qaeda out of Iraq. My thoughts always-

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Ludog29 said...

I wish my kids took school as serious as you are. Good luck in your studies, and stay safe.

At 8:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through, and you have every right to be fustrated.
You are so courageous and strong.
I accidently came across your blog for a project, and i couldnt stop reading.
I am now constantly reading your posts.
I am praying for you also. stay strong.

At 10:16 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

this is soooo true my dear sunshine.
i almost read this.respect you :)

be strong girl

At 10:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is soooo true my dear sunshine.
i almost read this.respect you :)

be strong girl


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