Days of My Life

Talk about daily life of a teenage girl in Iraq, and days of suffering and success. My nick name will be Sunshine..

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

It was too hard ..........

Hello , I am still alive , remember me?!
My oral exams started on 29/1 , in my birthday day ! I had French exam ,I did well.
At that day left school, at 12 o'clock , I was in my way to the house when mama called, she said she was in the hospital !! with grandpa " I am in the hospital , with grandpa , he felt a little bit tired so I took him to the hospital" I knew she was lying , because no one enter our gorgeous hospitals except for really dangerous issues , the happiness I felt in the morning gone , and I was worried to death , my eyes filled with tears , mama said " the condition in the house is really bad , you should be the strong person there , OK? I depend on you " I reached the house , and stayed with my sister , brother and granny , I feed the kids , and put Yosif in his bed , mama came at 4 pm , to take necessary things with her , and came back to the hospital , I didn't know what happened till 7 pm.
at 10 am , grandpa was playing with my sister and brother , when he had CVA( cardio vascular attack) , no one was in the living room but Mariam (she became 9 years old last Thursday ) and yosif, she didn't know what to do , so she started to cry . mama came up and saw grandpa laying on the couch , she called my neighbor to take grandpa to the hospital but he wasn't in Mosul , so she called my relatives who lives near by .
Abdullah, Ibrahim my dad's cousins , with my relative Mohammad , came quickly , and took grandpa to the hospital ( Mohammad is studying medicine, he came to Mosul few weeks ago because of the bad situation in Baghdad ,after his uncle Ahmad's murder ) .
When they reached the emergency room , no one came to help grandpa , no one at all ran , mama asked for help , no one even looked at her , So , she stood in the middle of the room which was crowded with patients and national guards badly injured who were waiting for someone to take care of them
and said in a loud voice :
" if you are Muslims , I am too, if you are doctors , I am a doctor too , if you have someone you care about and love , I have too , why no one come to help ? did you ever see how real doctors run to save their patient ? why don't you be like them ?" one of the doctors came towards mama and said " helllllloooooo?! You are not in USA, you are in Iraq" mama said " Iraq became horrible because of you , and people like yourself ".
then a friend doctor , Dr. "O" , one of the most famous doctors in Mosul came to the hospital quickly as my mom phoned him, just then the staff started to run and help grandpa .
Doctor "O" , wrote a note to a doctor in another hospital better than the one grandpa went to at first , and my relative Abdullah went to that Doctor , he refused to look at the paper and shouted at my relative " GET OUT " , thank god a far relative of mine works there , he went to that doctor and gave him the paper he looked at the paper , when he read the name he realized what was he doing , and accepted grandpa in the hospital at once, he said " I am sorry , I didn't know who you are , Dr. M was my professor " my grandpa's brother is really famous doctor , he left Iraq in the nineties and went to Canada then England , all the doctors here know him , and respect him very much .
one of the national guards who was covered with blood , came to mama , when they wanted to take grandpa to the other hospital ,( because cars are not allowed to come close to the hospital) , he offered them protection, and allowed them to drive close to the hospital , god bless the national guards , I pray for them everyday , no matter what people say about them.

Fortunately we know many doctors , some of them are my relatives and some are family friends, that's why grandpa was treated at the end the way people should be treated , but what about other people?????, no one will help them , because the doctors didn’t help grandpa till they read his name , and when the doctors in our family came to the hospital to visit grandpa , the doctors showed up.
Grandpa spent a week in the hospital ,I had 2 exams with out studying well , Arabic & computer , and I couldn't study English at all as well as religion .
My relative Abdullah slept in our house , it is not safe to spend the night without a man in the house, you know we may have an inspection in every time .
unfortunately not all of the doctors are good people , when people want to study medicine they should go through a test for humanity, I know a doctor who works in a hospital , refused to help a patient she said "find another doctor "but the baby died because the case was very urgent, I many times think about going to the medicine collage although I don't like it at all , just to help people.
I visited grandpa is the hospital 3 times , and stayed with him during the day, I was in my way to the house , and there were tanks in front of our car , they were attacked , and heavy shooting began, the soldiers started to shoot , and the armed-men too ! scary more than on action movie. But the good thing is that we are alive , no one got hurt .
Anyway , grandpa is ok now the house is crowded with people till now , grandpa knows many people (I think all of the people in Mosul!!! ) , so I couldn't concentrate well in my study ..
One of my grandpa's friend is Kurdish , so he took him to Kurdistan ( the hospitals there are much better, and he made checks there )as you know , Arabs can't enter Kurdistan without Kurds with them, at that day , we had a curfew in Mosul at 2 pm !!! grandpa's friend called us as soon as he heard about the curfew , he told us not to worry , and that grandpa and dad will stay in his house in Bahsheeka (50 kilometers away from Dhook)
I didn't sleep well during the exams , I couldn't concentrate well , as well as my eyes weren't in a good condition , which caused me really bad and continues headache .
In the first day I had mathematics , and religion , I am expecting a full mark in math , but the religion's questions were a little hard, but I did well.
In the next day I had Arabic , I did ok
Then I had biology , the questions were not easy , but I did Ok.
after that I had physics , the questions were terribly hard , and the numbers were huge, and no one knew how to answer , the questions were really long , ah I didn't do as bad as I did in physics ever .
I also had computer exam at that day , I did ok .
after physics I had English , the teacher brought us things we didn't take is school! But I did well .
then I had chemistry , I did really good !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then I had history , I did really good too .
then French , I did so good .
then geography , also goooooooooood
Grandpa and grandma who lives in Baghdad , went to Dubai (after they spent 13 hours waiting for the airplane !!! ), they will meet my parents' uncle who lives in USA , and doctor "M" my parents' uncle . as well as my aunt Rose of course .
The situation here is not good at all ,we didn't have electricity , and the torch didn't work , I studied near the window , before sun set , although I know it is dangerous , .once a tank behind my house was attacked , the soldiers started to shoot it was really scary , when you see the bullets comes out from the tank . it was about 30 meters away from the house, such a fight happen almost everyday I run out of my room , to avoid the bullets .
My best friend will leave Iraq , soon , they were threatened by terrorists three times , the last phone call was directed to her , I miss her already , we call each other every single day , at least twice, and sit in the same desk , we study together in school , no one understands me well but her, she is a genius, I don't want her to leave , I want to see her everyday , and talk to her everyday, and listen to her dreams , she is the best , and our friendship is very precious, it is a true friendship. My other best friend O left Iraq , F , and Y will leave too , I am worried about S , because she is Shiite. D my Kurdish friend went to Dhook few weeks ago , as well as 6 girls in my class. I don't know who will be the next one to leave ?
I feel stressed all the time , and there is so much anger inside me that will explode one day, I am so nervous all the time , and silly things makes me loose my mind , I really want to be relax but I don't know how, sometimes when I get angry my hands start to shake, as well as the night bruxism , and the tension headache, I have to be relax , I shouldn't be weak like that.
My plans for the holiday are many , I want to read my 500 E-mails , but I don't have good services , so I will postpone answering your questions this time , ok? , sorry , I don't have electricity , nor services often.
Live strong ,
Btw , I was watching a film 2 months ago , and I heard a sentence that I really liked , and I would like to share it with you " it took me so many years to realize that there is a difference between being the best , and being the best you can " …


At 5:56 PM, Blogger John Norris Brown said...

Glad you're back! And, I hope the situation improves for you soon.

At 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my Dear One,

Do you know how very worried we have been about you? DJ and I have been in constant prayer for you?

I am so sorry to hear of your Grandfather. And I am more sorry to hear of the mistreatment he received at the hospitals. Your Grandafather is an honourable man and deserves to be treated as a king. I am heartbroken he was not. Your mama and your friends did exactly what they should have. Too often when we are patients, we do not have the strength or courage to speak for ourselves. Your friend who shouted at the doctor's did an amazing thing.

Dear One, don't worry about the exams. You did the very best that you could under circumstances even more challenging than usual. And I am sure your marks reflect just how brilliant you are. Oh, Dear One, you are such an example to me. I have so much to learn from someone so wise and dedicated.

Dear One, what can be done for your eyes? There is so much love and support for you in this world, I know we could help you.

I am sorry my love that your best friend is leaving. It will be very hard on both of you. You have shared so much, so much that we here in the west can not even begin to fathom. Your bond of friendship is more than strong - it is eternal and you will have a friend in her, wherever the world finds you two.

My heart aches that things have not become any better for you. In fact, my love, they sound worse. I am so sorry. I pray that perhaps a new level of peace may come soon. I pray for your family, your grandparents, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your beautiful mother and devoted father and for your siblings. I wish I could do more for you.

Dear One, you be safe. You keep doing exactly what you are doing; taking care of your family and yourself. And please, Dear One, please let us know if we can do something for you. We pray for you, but we also want to serve you. If you need something we can provide, we are here, and through the help of your friends across the world, we can do our best to help.

For now, please know just how much we love you, Dear One. You are truly a brave woman in the face of such trial. I continue to pray for you each and every moment I can. You are an inspiration Dear are my ray of Sunshine.

Be safe, be well, and God Bless.
Much love, 4

At 1:43 AM, Blogger Dubber said...

I'm glad to see you back, and I really hope that your life can become peaceful again very soon.

At 7:26 AM, Blogger Original_Jeff said...

"I have to be relax , I shouldn't be weak like that."

Well, Sunshine, I think *anybody* would be upset and scared in your situation. I hope your grandpa is recovering.

At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That you, such a talented child has so much suffering, makes me so sad/angry! What a waste. The shame of it all. I can't understand how on earth you can study so hard in your horrible situation. Somehow, you have to learn to relax, especially before sleeping. Do you know yoga?

At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sunshine you are going through so much, I wish there was some way I could help you. You continue to show amazing strength of spirit. I'm glad your grandfather is doing better, I know how scary something like that can be. Give him my best wishes, and tell the kids to take it easy with him when he gets home. I knew you would do well with your exams even with the hard situation you're dealing with. You just never let anything stop you. Stay strong Sunny!!

At 1:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everytime I read your blog I am truly amazed. I really don't know how you do it. If I was living your life I would be angry also.Don't feel bad for your anger that is very normal especially under your living conditions. I am angry that you have to live it. I am sure that there are many people that would help your family leave Iraq. All you need to do is say so and we could all help in some way.When I was your age I didn't study like I should have and then I read that you don't even have electricty, a ill Grandfather, and combat going on around you and you still manage to get good grades. You are a shinning star in a world gone mad.

At 5:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Sunshine,

I am so sorry to hear about all the bad things that have happened to you and your family since we last heard from you.

I am so very proud of you for doing so well in your exams, despite all of those things.

Your grandpa will probably be alright. I had a CVA (Heart Attack) 25 years ago. Of course I did not experience the problems with the doctors that grandpa had to contend with but I made it through. After he recovers for a few weeks, tell him to stay active and get a lot of exercise. Doing that is part of how I have recovered so well.

I am happy to know that mama is alright. I can understand her being busy. I like her raising her voice against the doctors for not helping grandpa.

I will continue to pray for you, your family and all innocent Iraqi.

We have the greatest respect and admiration for you and hope that things in your life will improve soon.

Best regards.

At 5:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


I forgot to mention your grandparents from Baghdad.

I was happy to hear that they have gone to visit Aunt Rose. I am sure they will enjoy being away from Baghdad for awhile.

I remember how much Aunt Rose worried about leaving them before she left for Dubai. I would love to hear from Rose and her husband. He has not written anything for us in a long time.

I hope they are all doing well.

At 8:20 AM, Blogger RG said...

Hi Sunshine,

OK. Let me see if I understand the number of classes you take in school.


No electricity. You live in a war zone. A tank 30 meters away from your room is firing away at people attacking it. A year ago I read on your blog that a car bomb exploded across the street from your house at the police station.

I know at 15 you are kind of new to the world, but I have news for you. You are like a great kid trying to do well in life while living in a bad neighborhood in a major city. Except a bit worse with the tanks and car bombs blasting away next to the window.


When you get tense, try this Sunshine.

Imagine a place a long way off that is beautiful and peacefull. Imagine you are there. And peace will come to your heart if you can visualize you are there.

As a Christian I will offer the following Psalm of protection and comfort...

Psalm 23
1) The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2) He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
3) He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
for Thou art with me;
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.
5) Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
Thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.
6) Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

At 3:56 AM, Blogger David said...

Yes Sunshine, I remember you! I'm glad you are back! :)

I am glad that your grandpa is ok now, but I am sorry to hear how poorly he was treated when first he came to the hospital. Also, I am sad to hear that so many people are poorly treated in the hospital. The doctors and staff should try to be more respectful. I know that their job is very difficult, but the people who come to them are hurt or sick and they need to be treated kindly.

I am so sorry that your best friend will be leaving! Friends are so important to help to releave the stresses of life. I wish that she could stay there with you!

Did you hear that Najma got an exercise bicycle? Exercise is great for reducing stress. Maybe you could also get an exercise machine to use in the house. I have another idea, but I don't know if it is possible. Here in America, some people attach a generator to their exercise bicycle and use it to charge some batteries. The battery power can then be used for lights, a TV, or a computer. Do you think that would be possible?

I really hope you will enjoy your holiday! Take care.

At 5:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, does anybody know how these blogs are set up. Can Sunny delete or block spammers?

At 1:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yup she can delete ne comments she doesnt like or want people to view.

At 3:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet Sunshine... your postings make my heart ache, but most of all they make me feel proud of your strong human spirit that overcomes all things. God bless you. Robin

At 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


You said “I many times think about going to the medicine collage although I don't like it at all , just to help people.”

Maybe it’s not a good idea to spend your life doing something you have no passion for, no matter how noble your reason. Succeeding at anything requires that you be happy doing it because it means long hours and almost endless energy and that time and energy is hard to come by if you’re not doing something that you want to do 24/7 more than anything else. You can do it for awhile but then you get weary and even resentful of the people that you are doing it for. Clearly, you want to help people and many successful people have said that the only sure way to happiness is in the service of others. But there are many ways to help others. If we believe that God put each of us here for a particular purpose it’s natural to want God to tell us what that purpose is. We can believe that God uses guilt to guide us along the path that he wants us to follow. Or we can believe that he uses love; meaning that he fills us with a passion for the thing that he wants us to do. I personally have tried both paths and I think that Joseph Campbell was right when he said “follow your bliss.”

At 1:55 AM, Blogger Diana Joy said...

Hi Sunshine!
Thank you so much for returning my mail! I forwarded it over to my friend for what it's worth. We have been praying for you. My heart hurts everytime I read your posts!
I wish there was something I could do?!
I love you Sunshine!
Drop me an e-mail when you get a chance???
(Diana Joy)

At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Sunshine, so glad to see you are stillalive. I for one was very worried after your last blog.I can't believe all the classes you take. It is amazing that you can focus on learning with all the chaos around you. That takes a lot of determination. I hope you can be safe. It is terrible that so many of your friends have had to scatter for safety. I feel great shame for the harm that has befallen your country because of terrorists and the American invasion. If you ever need to leave Iraq,Iknow you will have many friends willing to help you. But most of all, I wish all of your family to enjoy being with each other each day and to safely come through this terrible crisis. Joanna

At 4:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome back Sunshine. Good to hear from you. Thinking of you and wishing you all the very best.


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