It was too hard ..........

Hello , I am still alive , remember me?!
My oral exams started on 29/1 , in my birthday day ! I had French exam ,I did well.
At that day left school, at 12 o'clock , I was in my way to the house when mama called, she said she was in the hospital !! with grandpa " I am in the hospital , with grandpa , he felt a little bit tired so I took him to the hospital" I knew she was lying , because no one enter our gorgeous hospitals except for really dangerous issues , the happiness I felt in the morning gone , and I was worried to death , my eyes filled with tears , mama said " the condition in the house is really bad , you should be the strong person there , OK? I depend on you " I reached the house , and stayed with my sister , brother and granny , I feed the kids , and put Yosif in his bed , mama came at 4 pm , to take necessary things with her , and came back to the hospital , I didn't know what happened till 7 pm.
at 10 am , grandpa was playing with my sister and brother , when he had CVA( cardio vascular attack) , no one was in the living room but Mariam (she became 9 years old last Thursday ) and yosif, she didn't know what to do , so she started to cry . mama came up and saw grandpa laying on the couch , she called my neighbor to take grandpa to the hospital but he wasn't in Mosul , so she called my relatives who lives near by .
Abdullah, Ibrahim my dad's cousins , with my relative Mohammad , came quickly , and took grandpa to the hospital ( Mohammad is studying medicine, he came to Mosul few weeks ago because of the bad situation in Baghdad ,after his uncle Ahmad's murder ) .
When they reached the emergency room , no one came to help grandpa , no one at all ran , mama asked for help , no one even looked at her , So , she stood in the middle of the room which was crowded with patients and national guards badly injured who were waiting for someone to take care of them
and said in a loud voice :
" if you are Muslims , I am too, if you are doctors , I am a doctor too , if you have someone you care about and love , I have too , why no one come to help ? did you ever see how real doctors run to save their patient ? why don't you be like them ?" one of the doctors came towards mama and said " helllllloooooo?! You are not in USA, you are in Iraq" mama said " Iraq became horrible because of you , and people like yourself ".
then a friend doctor , Dr. "O" , one of the most famous doctors in Mosul came to the hospital quickly as my mom phoned him, just then the staff started to run and help grandpa .
Doctor "O" , wrote a note to a doctor in another hospital better than the one grandpa went to at first , and my relative Abdullah went to that Doctor , he refused to look at the paper and shouted at my relative " GET OUT " , thank god a far relative of mine works there , he went to that doctor and gave him the paper he looked at the paper , when he read the name he realized what was he doing , and accepted grandpa in the hospital at once, he said " I am sorry , I didn't know who you are , Dr. M was my professor " my grandpa's brother is really famous doctor , he left Iraq in the nineties and went to Canada then England , all the doctors here know him , and respect him very much .
one of the national guards who was covered with blood , came to mama , when they wanted to take grandpa to the other hospital ,( because cars are not allowed to come close to the hospital) , he offered them protection, and allowed them to drive close to the hospital , god bless the national guards , I pray for them everyday , no matter what people say about them.

Fortunately we know many doctors , some of them are my relatives and some are family friends, that's why grandpa was treated at the end the way people should be treated , but what about other people?????, no one will help them , because the doctors didn’t help grandpa till they read his name , and when the doctors in our family came to the hospital to visit grandpa , the doctors showed up.
Grandpa spent a week in the hospital ,I had 2 exams with out studying well , Arabic & computer , and I couldn't study English at all as well as religion .
My relative Abdullah slept in our house , it is not safe to spend the night without a man in the house, you know we may have an inspection in every time .
unfortunately not all of the doctors are good people , when people want to study medicine they should go through a test for humanity, I know a doctor who works in a hospital , refused to help a patient she said "find another doctor "but the baby died because the case was very urgent, I many times think about going to the medicine collage although I don't like it at all , just to help people.
I visited grandpa is the hospital 3 times , and stayed with him during the day, I was in my way to the house , and there were tanks in front of our car , they were attacked , and heavy shooting began, the soldiers started to shoot , and the armed-men too ! scary more than on action movie. But the good thing is that we are alive , no one got hurt .
Anyway , grandpa is ok now the house is crowded with people till now , grandpa knows many people (I think all of the people in Mosul!!! ) , so I couldn't concentrate well in my study ..
One of my grandpa's friend is Kurdish , so he took him to Kurdistan ( the hospitals there are much better, and he made checks there )as you know , Arabs can't enter Kurdistan without Kurds with them, at that day , we had a curfew in Mosul at 2 pm !!! grandpa's friend called us as soon as he heard about the curfew , he told us not to worry , and that grandpa and dad will stay in his house in Bahsheeka (50 kilometers away from Dhook)
I didn't sleep well during the exams , I couldn't concentrate well , as well as my eyes weren't in a good condition , which caused me really bad and continues headache .
In the first day I had mathematics , and religion , I am expecting a full mark in math , but the religion's questions were a little hard, but I did well.
In the next day I had Arabic , I did ok
Then I had biology , the questions were not easy , but I did Ok.
after that I had physics , the questions were terribly hard , and the numbers were huge, and no one knew how to answer , the questions were really long , ah I didn't do as bad as I did in physics ever .
I also had computer exam at that day , I did ok .
after physics I had English , the teacher brought us things we didn't take is school! But I did well .
then I had chemistry , I did really good !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then I had history , I did really good too .
then French , I did so good .
then geography , also goooooooooood
Grandpa and grandma who lives in Baghdad , went to Dubai (after they spent 13 hours waiting for the airplane !!! ), they will meet my parents' uncle who lives in USA , and doctor "M" my parents' uncle . as well as my aunt Rose of course .
The situation here is not good at all ,we didn't have electricity , and the torch didn't work , I studied near the window , before sun set , although I know it is dangerous , .once a tank behind my house was attacked , the soldiers started to shoot it was really scary , when you see the bullets comes out from the tank . it was about 30 meters away from the house, such a fight happen almost everyday I run out of my room , to avoid the bullets .
My best friend will leave Iraq , soon , they were threatened by terrorists three times , the last phone call was directed to her , I miss her already , we call each other every single day , at least twice, and sit in the same desk , we study together in school , no one understands me well but her, she is a genius, I don't want her to leave , I want to see her everyday , and talk to her everyday, and listen to her dreams , she is the best , and our friendship is very precious, it is a true friendship. My other best friend O left Iraq , F , and Y will leave too , I am worried about S , because she is Shiite. D my Kurdish friend went to Dhook few weeks ago , as well as 6 girls in my class. I don't know who will be the next one to leave ?
I feel stressed all the time , and there is so much anger inside me that will explode one day, I am so nervous all the time , and silly things makes me loose my mind , I really want to be relax but I don't know how, sometimes when I get angry my hands start to shake, as well as the night bruxism , and the tension headache, I have to be relax , I shouldn't be weak like that.
My plans for the holiday are many , I want to read my 500 E-mails , but I don't have good services , so I will postpone answering your questions this time , ok? , sorry , I don't have electricity , nor services often.
Live strong ,
Sunshine.
Btw , I was watching a film 2 months ago , and I heard a sentence that I really liked , and I would like to share it with you " it took me so many years to realize that there is a difference between being the best , and being the best you can " …