Days of My Life

A Holiday without Break !!..

2012-01-23T10:24:00.001+03:00

My exams will start on Wednesday, so I've beenstudying hard since the holiday began ..

This year (as well as last year), we had ourmid-year -holiday (which lasts for two weeks) before our exams!!! Because Shiiteshave their own "religious ceremony"

We all felt frustrated, we were supposed tohave a rest for two weeks after exams, and now we should spend time studying hardas professors gave us more subjects and we expect the questions to be moredifficult as we had extra time to study (as they said) !!! ..

I studied a lot, solved hundreds of questions ,studied my own lectures, as well as lectures of last year to get benefits of theirnotes , brought helpful books and resources and solved the mid questions of thepast 4 or 5 years!

engineering is an awesome field and I want toenjoy my time in college , so this year I didn't pay attention to ourprofessors' hard character and the way they try to let us feel down especiallywhen they show-off and talk about how no student could answer their questionsand the low percentage of success among students etc .. this year I feel more busy but much more relaxed and enjoy the subjects Iam reading without being disturbed and their words rolling in my mind all time …I have faith in god and all I can do is, being the best I can , why should Ipay attention to negative comments that will not improve my skills nor help meat all??…

I reallywant to write a long post and have millions on thought is my head .. but myspare time barely exists .. I spend the majority of time studying , and when I finishI have housework to do , since my mom had her back disk I try to rush and doall housework need to be done so that she doesn’t hurt her back… I promise to write after my exams end(theylast for less than for 3 weeks) , thanks for being patient with me :D

I took this picture today while I was studying…

Sunshine

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T22:18:00.002+03:00

Merry Christmas my dear readers..
may all of your dreams come true and may you spend a wonderful Christmas..

to my christian friends in Iraq
i wish you a peaceful and safe Christmas with the one you love, may god bless Iraq and hopefully one day all casts can celebrate their ceremonies peacefully

Sunshine

another Hi ..

2011-11-26T18:52:00.000+03:00

Hello friends …

I don't remember the last time I wrote a post, it seems like whenever I want to write , something happens and make me really busy!!

So I'll start from Eid al futur (in September) :

Since I started blogging, I used to publish a post about Eid and food and relatives gathering, but that Eid was different, we had a family meeting on the first day, but when we came home my mom started to have a severe pain in her back, and she couldn't leave bed , she had a sever disk in her back ( sciatic nerve ) .. we couldn't find a doctor in Eid, and had to wait till it was over, long hours passed and the pain was getting worse … I couldn't do anything, I just brought all my copybooks near her bed and studied silently feeling ache in my heart to see dear mom in pain …

As Eid was over, a friend of mom sent her an ambulance and we took her to the doctors who had different opinions, one dr. said she must have a surgery within 5 days, and another said even surgery will not cure her 100% … different opinions and different drugs, but the result was the same, she had dropped foot, and the best painkillers didn't work and she stayed up for many nights until she had exhaustion … then my exams started, and I passed to the third stage (thanks to Allah), but still had two subjects to repeat ..

After my exams were over, my dad took mom to Arbil (after two hours of waiting In the border of our own country although dad had all of my mom's medical reports and X-rays), a Dr. from Jordan gave her new medications and told her she could either have an operation but he won't be able to follow her up, or just take those pills and have long bed rest until he come another time to iraq…

Mom started to read in internet and watch videos about her case and did the proper exercises, she is much better now, although she still have dropped foot, and can't do housework :D but hopefully she will get better in near future ..

During my second attempt exams, my best friend B, invited me to her Nishan party and her wedding party (only two days between those parties), I couldn't attend her nishan party I had a laboratory exam in the next day, and told her I wouldn't be able to attend her wedding as I had digital design exam two days later..

In her wedding day, I needed someone to urge me and tell me that I must go, and I used to go to mom and say "oh god, B is getting married within few hours ", and I'd go to my room and come back again "oh mom, what should I do?? I have an exam two days later and I want to pass it really, but B is getting married and I …… " mom interrupted me saying "and you really think you can concentrate??, go to her wedding, and you can study hard for two days " , when mom said that, I felt so excited, I needed to hear that !!! so I called the driver , it was 12:30 pm and asked him to come at 3:15 pm , and her wedding starts at 4 pm, I got ready by 3 pm, I took my sister and went to her house, she was still in the salon, and I asked everyone not to tell her that I was there, I wanted to make her a little surprise.. B came from salon and went upstairs to dress up, and when she was walking down stairs, I came and stood in the beginning of the crowd (all of her aunts and cousins and their kids), she didn't notice me first and then she said " OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SUNSHINE ", her voice was shaking and my eyes were full of tears, she came downstairs running with her big beautiful white dress looking like an angle, and she is an angle , we hugged and we were both shaking and it was an emotional meeting, she whispered " this is the best part of my wedding"

We've been friends since high school and I've mentioned her in many posts …

We were talking and laughing and started to hear sound of horns and her sister came and said the groom and his family arrived, B was trying to be calm but I could hear her heart beats, when she noticed that her mom wasn't there she felt very nerves ..

it is emotional event for the mother to see her daughter moving to another house (in our culture) …

The groom is a Doctor, and from a respectful religious family and I believe they 're great couples, both have the same thoughts and plan for life, and B is from a very religious educated family as well ..

We took pictures and went to the grooms house ( the party was there) , we had a great time and sang old muslawi songs and had the best day ever, I am very thankful that I went to B's wedding ..

now B is doing great managing between her college and her new life with her husband and I wish them from the bottom of my heart a life full of happiness …

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The thirds stage seems better for me, the subjects are getting harder, but I liked many of them , and I am getting used to our professors hard characters ! and I every day I come closer to my goal …

As I was attending classes, it was Thursday, a professor announced that all students who didn't pass one or two subjects in second stage should attend the third attempt starting from Tuesday! Which includes me, so I missed the third stage classed and started to study hard, and I passed engineering analysis (only 2 students passed, I am one of them), while no one passed programming and the professor said it happily " I didn't like third attempt , and all students will study the subject again" .. I don't care, because I don't even think that he took a look at our papers , why would I punish myself from someone's else's fault??..

As I didn't go to college for two weeks I missed 28 lectures , so I went to my friends houses in the weekend and studied them together , that's why I've been extremely busy and couldn't publish a post, and also a very serious virus entered my laptop and I took it to an engineer four times to fix the problem, that took over a month, and the internet company blocked blogger and I had to contact them few times to fix that problem as well .. the other thing was , we had a big family meeting in Eid al Adhha ….

My grandparents , as well as two of my parents' uncles and aunt arrived from Jordan and Baghdad and they all spent eid in our house , we had a great time together (and I had a lot of dishes to wash hehhe), uncle M didn't see grandpa for five years, we spent the greatest days ever, I saw relatives of my grandpa whom I don't even know! the kids became young women and young men and looked different !! and there were many new faces , new daughters-in-low and sons-in-low , grandkids , whom we didn't met before !! we took a lot of pictures which I will publish as soon as I have time !!…

I enjoyed the evenings, we had pleasure time, grandpa and his brothers told stories of old days , and I reminded them with old poetries that I learnt from grandpa, we even sang old muslawi songs together ! and laughed a lot on charades-poetries, and jokes , when uncle M (who is the eldest uncle , in his 80es , and a Dr. with a PHD from London) feel sleepy he used to say "sunshine, swear that you will not tell any story , poem , or even talk starting from this minutes, because I don't want to miss that and I feel sleepy" .. so I used to announce the end of the evening, and everyone go to bed by 12 am :D

It is a long long post, I had a lot of things to talk about and excuse me for keeping you all waiting , and I appreciate your E-mails , I try to reply most of them , but I check my yahoo account more often , which is livesstrong92@yahoo.com…

Sunshine

Thank you.

2011-10-12T20:15:00.000+03:00

To all of my dear readers and friends ..
Thanks a lot for your E-mails, and sorry for letting you be worried about me, you defiantly deserve a long long post .. I am not planning to quit writing (no way), but I was extremely busy with my second term exams, and my mom had sever disk hernia, and till today she still can't leave her bed ..
I am doing fine, finally I managed to succeed to the third stage (studying engineering as you know), I'd love to write a long post but I am having a bad flue and fever , I'll write a post as soon as I can ..
Again, thanks for your honest and sincere E-mails, I am lucky to have such awesome fans :D

Sunshine

Various .. (updated)

2011-08-05T18:05:00.008+03:00

I came back from Baghdad about 4 weeks ago, but I didn't have internet connection for awhile and I also got busy…
I finished my first term exams, and went to Baghdad to my grandparents house, we had nice vacation for 3 weeks, I love going to my grandparents house and Baghdad, we get the chance to see my relatives, go to restaurants, go shopping, and visit my favorite places, the greatest place I went to is the Lebanese club (such a nice and elegant restaurant) ... and also I enjoyed every minute of shopping.. and I met the new neighbors of my grandparents a young couple and have two adorable kids, I also spent a day with her and her friend, we cooked Dolma together and went shopping, we had lunch at 4 pm! So much fun.

I didn't forget to take a photo for this delicious ice cream :D

Then when I came to mosul, my family and all of relatives went to congratulate my dad's cousin who graduated from college, it was such a big family meeting.. I can't wait till I graduate :D.
One of the differences between Baghdad and Mosul is, there are very few entertainment places in Mosul, while there are wonderful shops, restaurants, and parks in baghdad, but lately a new small children city in Mosul was built by Investors, its one of the few places people can go to for fun, we went there and it is neat and clean ,but with limited games, few games for young kids, and one game for grownup, which I didn't ride as I fear heights :D
About my results, I am like 90% of my college students, I'll attend the second term exams, so I had a three weeks' vacation and returned to the daily routine and studying and I feel sooo tried from studying , engineering is tuff especially in Mosul university and it's harsh professors, only few students pass the first term (about ten). … before I started to study my friend and I went to college and borrow books, and we went to a nice ice cream shop, and had a lot to talk about , when I was in Baghdad my other friend "N" got engaged and I missed the party, then we went shopping together, we had great time, I love shopping with my friends more ..
My best friend "B", who's my friend since high school also got engaged , it was the best news I received this holiday, I feel so excited and happy for her, and I was the first one she told, how lovely … .. her party was supposed to be last week, but her dad got a serious heart attack and operation while he was traveling outside Iraq two days before the party, so the nishan party was postponed after Eid.. no one of his family , even his son, could get a visa to travel to him, they went through a hard time but thank god he's in a better situation and recovering , we were all praying for him, it's frustrating how Iraqis can't get visa easily to travel no matter what's the case.

**********************************************************
Ramadan, the merciful blessed month, started five days ago, I wish a Ramadan Kareem to everyone, may all of your dreams come true ..
Ramadan Kareem
Sunshine

Just finished my final exams ...

2011-06-25T14:38:00.000+03:00

Hello all,
I just finished my final exams, and I feel exhausted!! Thanks a lot for your comments, E-mails and concern, I am doing fine now, I know I am not writing much often, but there's no break nor free time in engineering college!
I am also busy these days preparing to go to Baghdad , but I'll write as soon as I can …
Sunshine

miscellaneous...

2011-04-21T22:07:00.000+03:00

I miss writing posts and doing my hobbies, college is taking all my time,
So, in the first week of march, we had a picnic to the Dam of Mosul with the university, I had so much fun, it takes about an hour to reach the Dam of Mosul, to the way there the guys were singing and playing music and then when we reached the first thing we did is going near the water and taking a lot of photos, then we rented a boat (my favorite part), and we had a nice tour in the area, and came back wet and freezing , then we had lunch I brought beef-burgers, roast (spiced meet with vegetables), cake, and the girls and guys also brought Dolma, chicken, Biryani, macaroni , and other dishes ..
After lunch, we played tennis, and frozbie , and the professors joined us! Even the chef of the department .. and after that the guys played football against the professors who seemed nice (the first time ever I see them friendly)
We reached Mosul at 5:30 pm, and the driver was supposed to pick me at that time, but he was late and it started to rain heavily , my friends and I were freezing and wet in the street but we enjoyed it and laughed at our "new look"..
In The second week I experienced a new adventure! the driver's car broken-down in the middle of the street! And I felt "lucky" at the beginning to see a relative of mine and grandpa just behind us , so I got in to my relative's car and thought he'd happily drive me to college as it is on his way , but he ignored me and drove me to faraway place with grandpa , grandpa made few phone calls and he said a car is in the way to take me to college (lucky me), and I saw a silver modern car driving towards us, and I asked" this is the car right ??" grandpa said "no, the green one", but I didn't see a green car, I saw a green lorry, I thought grandpa is joking, I mean going to college in a Lorry ??? no way, my prestige !!!
But he won, and thank god I reached before anybody else !
(the university of Mosul is very big establishment in the middle of the city , it has 8 gates leading to many neighborhoods, that's why I couldn't walk to my college)
In the third week on march I got really sick, I had laryngitis and asthma attacks, my voice gone for few days (can you imagine how hard is it for me not to talk ??!!!) and I went to the Dr. who gave me a lot of medications, I feel better now ..
My second term exams will start soon, and I am preparing for them and doing the best I can, I feel very busy and tensed especially I have to make 4 reports this week and made a schedule for all subjects to study them well before the exams ..
wish me luck ..
Sunshine

Determined to change ..... The Friday of anger and the palm's revolution

2011-02-25T16:34:00.008+03:00

I had my midyear exams, the questions were incredibly hard, and some even contain mistakes, I feel worried about my marks, and I feel worried about the finals already!!
**********************************************************

The demonstrations of Iraq is today Friday the 25th. The government sent their assistances to al Tahreee yard, they attacked the citizens as they were asleep and stabbed them with knives and ordered them to leave . But they didn't give up and Iraqis are determined to stay and demand our rights.
As well as al Maliki's supporters wanted to carry Saddam's photos in order to frustrate the demonstrations by pretending that those remonstrators are the followers of the ex-regime !
Al Sistani announced that it is forbidden to participate in these demonstrations but the Shiites didn't listen and a citizen on Tv said "we're not going to listen to whatever Al margi' announce, we're participating" , I hope that from now on people will not be effected by the those who speak in the name of religion ..
Now I am writing and watching the news about the demonstrations in Iraq, today is called "the Friday of anger" and this revolution is named al nakheel's revolution "the palms revolutions "
The Iraqi citizens went through a lot, so they went out to the streets to demand and protest inspite of danger and government's threats, they have nothing to lose more, the old people and the young, men and women are participating and walked a lot to reach the place where citizens are gathering as we have curfew …
My father's two cousins participated in Mosul revolution although we're worried about them, in Mosul the police started to shoot at the citizens and 5 were injured , I can't wait till I hear the alive story from my father's cousins..
The greatest thing is , people's intension is not to make coias or destroy , we're not like the politicians, the people are caring roses and green branches, and shouting "peace" … as well as other great sentences that made me realize we still have heroes..
Now I am listening to people's demands in freedom and jobs, and also hearing their stories that made my heart ache, a woman said 7 years ago the police took her 18 years old son, and she didn't see them since that time, and she's hoping this revolution will settle the justice and innocent people will get out of jail .. and another women said she didn't get her retired salary for 4 years, she worked for 22 years , and now she deserve a good life ..
Another pleasing thing is, people prayed "Freday's prayer" together in Al Tahreer in baghdad , Sunnis and Shiites together and they shouted " we're brothers Sunnis and Shiites and we're not going to sell this country ", the same thing happened in Sulaymania when Kurds and Arabs prayed together .. the citizens are united, it is the government that try to separate us and extend cultic , but it's not going to happen, no matter how tricky and pity plans they make..
I pray for a new hopeful future, and today I am proud of Iraqis, I know how great people we have here, and how much the Iraqis endured not only through the last 7 years, but since Saddam took control ..
I've been watching the news lately, and all the Arabian countries are witnessing panic .. especially Libya and the savage ways of al Kaddafi in order to stop the demonstrations , I have relatives is Libya and we were so worried about them, aunt said that al Kaddafi hired mercenaries to kill the citizens who are against him..
there's no freedom nor ministrations in the Arabian countries, and in Iraq especially, but I don't believe that after years and years of silence finally the people realized that !!! and started a demur against the rulers, there must be an interference from a third part that inflamed the revolution, but still I hope this will be in our advantage, and not a plan to make the Arabian countries reach the bottom.
I wish that the Arab countries become strong and people and refuses to be under the rule of dictators and have such courage to stand up against them and have freedom just like the old old times when the Arabian countries were united and were one big nation, it was so developed and strong , and we had justice and were years and years ahead than western countries in all kind of sciences and inventions , and medicine etc.. it hurts me a lot because I am Arab and I wish I can do something myself to change the situation, I wish we can start to say "WE ARE" instead of " WE WERE" ..
we must stop live in the shadow of the past and realize that people may not be aware of how great nation we were, but they definitely know how weak our nation is now .
Is it true that now after long years people woke up ?? or it's another illusion and plan to make Arabian countries reach the bottom so that other countries take control ??

God bless everyone doesn't accept iniquity and suppressing and demand of rights ..

update at 7:30 pm ..

the police are shooting the citizens, some were injured and others died, but the demonstration will not stop to day ..

update at 4:30 , 26/2

we've heard from people in baghdad that the police and national guards put concrete walls in the majority neighborhoods of baghdad and closed all theirs roads, and thousands of people were forced to go home and couldn't participate in the demonstration , some tried to derail the concrete walls and force their way in, but the police behind those walls started to shoot and didn't allow them to leave their neighborhoods .if people were allowed to go out and share in the demonstrations it would last for days ..

Sunshine.

To be updated with the latest news …

My 19th Birthday ...

2011-01-29T22:11:00.003+03:00

Today I celebrated my 19th birthday with my family members, we made a small party together, sang "happy birthday", then I made a wish and blow off my candles ..
as I am having exams and my friend's cannot come, I'm going to postponed the big party after the exams …
Wow, I look back to age 18, a year passed carrying good and happy events, as well as hard times that made me stronger, more independent, and more experience to face the future …
I have a lot to be thankful for.. I thank god for protecting me and my family , giving us health, pleasure, and keeping us together..
And I thank my mother for being such a great model for me, and for supporting me and guiding me to be a good , kind and successful person ..
Each year, I remember the experiences I got through , and what I've learnt as a whole year passed in my life ..
Now as I am 19 years old lady ,I have different perspective and thoughts than a year ago and more confidence in myself, and also excited to start another year , I feel like I stared to put the basic steps to build my own life in the last two years, starting of my decision to study engineering…
So, what do I know more than any time before ??
I realized that, satisfaction is not when I have everything I want, it is when I feel happy about everything I have .
And my value as a person is not measured with the things I own, in fact when people value themselves depending on material things and they are humiliating themselves.
,they are in their lives, I realized that to be happy and successful doesn’t mean I have to believe in my models' thoughts or live like their lives to achieve the same, but, I can have my unique way to succeed and add their experiences to mine, and learn from their patience and strength ..
I realized that Simplicity is everything ..
I realized that, when I have a family and good health, then I have everything..
And when my mom is pleased about me, then I am the happiest person ever ..
Happiness come from ourselves as well as misery, sometimes unexpected things happen and I can turn them to a good ones by my attitude..

I realized that, my past made me who I am, but my thoughts and believes will determine my future, and I can't have experiences unless I have the bravery to try new things ..
I realized that when I plan for my life, it's better to put standers and qualities than timing-schedule, because sometimes opportunities come in unexpected times …
Appearances is just an illusion, people take care of small details and material things to hide ,or to take sights away from their imperfection, or be loved ,accepted , and get along with others , so they copy each other which I call "blind apery" , such people I don't care about their thoughts… when I know inside my heart that I am right then I should be committed to my principles..
I can't succeed and feel tension in the same time .. If I am surrounded with hard circumstances beyond my control, then I should only focus on having a cool mood and relax , because feeling tension will make the problems doubled ..
pleasing people is impossible and I should never be afraid from people more than my fear from god .
and finally, I realize now and every day, that my faith in god should always be number one, and when I put god in my priority, my life will be more than my expectations ..
Note: I have a convention to make, it is a special 19th birthday which I am going to remember, because my exams are coming, and I am studying during my midyear holiday as well as I got chicken pox , I have cute red little pimples , it' is funny people call me and say " really? Chicken pox?? We had it since we were two years old or so" hehe
Everything is special in my birthday !!!
Sunshine

2011 came ...

2011-01-20T21:33:00.001+03:00

Happy new year everyone, I hope this year will be full of happiness, joy , and health to all of you, and for my Iraqi friends, I wish this year we can live in peace, may the bloodshed stop and we can all participate in rebuilding our beloved country , may the reunion we've been waiting for can be achieved this year, and our families, relatives and friends come back to Iraq . let's hope for a better tomorrow …
We celebrated the new year's evening in my dad uncle's house where we had a nice family meeting, with lots of food, deserts, we exchanged gifts , jokes, and spent such a lovely time together, but came home at 10 o'clock as it is not safe to leave in a late time..
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my laptop's recharger was damaged and it took me a while to find another one , that's why I couldn't publish lately ..
I was so busy with college and exams, and I was feeling tension because the college is in mess, many exams each day, sometimes they demand us to study subjects they didn't explain, they are very harsh ..
my friend says "at last we'll all graduate and become engineers, it doesn't matter first or second turn, we'll all be staying home engineers and can't find jobs" I am trying to convince myself with this opinion (except the jobs part) ,I'll just do what I can, no matter what will be the results ..
about two days ago, I couldn't reach college because of the closed roads, and I missed the laboratory experiment, I asked If I can do it in another day he said " if the professor allows you to do it in another time then do it, but I can't give you my approval otherwise, because I am not responsible of your personal circumstances " just like if I closed all the roads of mosul !! the professors didn't allow me to do it, each time he'd say come in another time, I kept going over and over till the day before my exam, I asked a girl to explain it for me, but It's hard to imagine what's going on without making It ..
I had my practical exams, on the first one, we choose numbers and each No. carry a different experiment , well, I had kind of bad luck, I got the no. of the only experiment I missed!!! I asked the professors to change it, but he said " no its your luck", I didn't do well..
In the second practical exam , I did well .. on the third exam I didn't , my computer didn't work, and they didn't give me extra time, the exam is only 30 minutes and the professors restarted my slow computer three times, and brought another mouse.
And in the programming lab. No one could answer the question !!
Now, we're having our mid-year holiday which last for 2 weeks, but our exams will be after the holiday !! it's crazy, because of the Shiite's ceremony they postponed our exams, I made a schedule and I am studying in my holiday and waking up at 6:45 am !! what a great holiday!
We need a holiday after this" holiday "! … I am doing my best, I study till 11 pm, just take a short nap, and my rests are about 5 minutes only ..
Just like every year I am going to spend my birthday studying!! But inshallah after my exams, I'll make a birthday party ..
Last week, I went to my best friend's birthday and we had fun, I love parties :D
And today , we we had dinner in a nice restaurant, we spent lovely time ..
I've been receiving many e-mails and comments from my dear readers asking about aunt rose, she's doing well, her husband took the PHD, and her daughters are doing excellent in school, my grandparents visited her recently and spent a lovely time in Dubai ..
I pray one day my aunt, and all of our other relatives come back to Iraq and we'll get together again just like the old days before the war, I didn't see her for six years..
Sunshine

He was kidnapped ... Part 2

2010-12-15T19:49:00.000+03:00

As it was getting darker, my family members started to lose hope of seeing k again, my dad used to call us from their house every now and then and just say "nothing new", with every phone ring everyone stays silent and freeze.
the phone rang and this time my dad had new news, he told my mom that uncle k finally arrived and they're in their way to our house..
My mom, grandma, sister, brother and I were waiting in the street I was feeling anxious to see him, the adrenaline reached the highest level ever, I could barely stand up on my shaky legs, but this time, it was from excitement …
As we saw the flash lights of the car getting nearer and nearer, I can't explain in words the grateful I felt for god, finally, everyone can relief, or at least that's what I thought ..!!!
When uncle came out of the car he started to hug everyone and weep, I was looking around and everyone was crying, men, women, old and young, I didn't imagine the situation would be that emotional, .. K's daughters started to hug me and cry, I didn't have words to say except " everything is over now".
till now, I don't know how did I hold my tears when I hugged uncle K and his daughters, usually I can't hold my tears when I see someone crying, I think I was in shock.
I'll never forget the view when we got inside the house, K couldn't stand up to reach the sofa he sat on the floor with his daughters around him hugging and crying, this time I couldn't hold my tears..
K started to talk about the long days he spent when he was kidnapped, at that time, I realized that Iraq had reached the bottom, there's nothing worse than the situation we are living in, through my old posts you know about the hard times we went through during the war, and despite that I had hope for a better tomorrow, but the last event that happened to us made me feel desperate.
I know you're wondering how the national guards and police didn't help, what kind of chaos we're living in, we were told by the national guard's when dad denounced about the kidnapping " those people "the kidnapers" are serious , try to negotiate with them, and leave us your phone number" , they don't inspect houses or try to get evidence from witnesses, nor do anything, unfortunately they're fighting to survive not to protect us, all they care about is to stay alive and receive salaries..
We're living by miracles ..
I thought that finally we'll relief, but K's kidnapers gave him couple of weeks to allocate extra 220000$ , it was a shocking news ..
K and his big family stayed in our house for two weeks , when the period was getting over, we felt so afraid, we felt in danger too as they were staying in our house.. we've heard about people got kidnapped in the middle of the night inside their house , and kidnapers throw bombs to explode the house's doors, and such stories, it was like an endless nightmare .. everyday when I go to sleep I thank god that one day passed and we're still alive, and pray the next day we'll survive ..
I was too afraid to dare about thinking what would happen to all of us If K didn't give the money, there were weird faces around our house, and were watching us closely.. that made us in tension all the time, with every time the door nocks, or cars stop near the house uncle shouts everyone stay silent" ."
I kept going to college but couldn't study well, one day as I was in the lecture, the alarm pealed, all students and professors went outside the college, I asked what's going on but no one knew the truth, some said a suicidal will explode himself, others said there's a car bomb, while others said the terrorists will attack the college, the university of Mosul is a huge property contain all colleges and has 8 gates, so there are thousands of students who didn't know what was going on , the gates were closed, except two, so I phoned my relative who's a student but he didn't know what was going on, my parents told me to go with him , it's better not to stay alone, we walked for 2 hours till we reached the house, the roads were closed and there were a lot of police everywhere..
I reached home exhausted and my feet were killing me although I was wearing a flat shoes as usual ..
One Before the final day of interval:
K and his family decided to go to another relatives' house, and we traveled to Baghdad..
on the final day.
"they" called K and threatened to kill him and explode the house but k didn’t have more money neither all his relatives, after hours of negotiation, they accepted to lessen the amount , to 20000 $ and k had to pay !!…
I pray for the day we'll get rid of those terrorists and kidnapers..
To be continued …
Sunshine

He was kidnapped ... part 1.

2010-11-27T21:18:00.001+03:00

I didn't publish my diary for such a long time (since 2/10/2010 ) , many things happened and I couldn't have time or concentrate to write a post, thanks for everyone E-mailed me to see how am I doing ..
In the first week 9-16/10 ..
On Friday , we had a family meeting in our house for lunch, we prepared many delicious Iraqi dishes, and we spent lovely time with our relatives ..
then on Saturday I was invited to my friend's wedding party and I spent a great time, and had so much fun, it was the greatest wedding I've ever attended, everything was perfect , they took care of the smallest details, and she looked like an angel, and I love her optimistic spirit and joy, it's such a great beginning to a new section of her life. I wish her and her husband all the happiness.
In the same week my family and I were invited to another party as our friend's son graduated from high school, we had so much fun, their son and I used to play musical keyboard together when we were kids,we share great memories, we don't visit them often because of the closed roads, and war made people busy with their lives, and many forgot about their social life such as visiting friends and doing something out of the daily routine.
I went to two parties and was invited to another two !! I thought four parties in one week, unbelievable, how lucky I am !!
The second week 16-23/10
I was planning to do some shopping on Wednesday preparing for my relatives' wedding.
I was in college talking with my friends about the parties, and how busy I feel as I have to study and go shopping !! I as I was talking I got an sms from my mom saying that my relative k was kidnapped and the kidnapers are asking for an imaginary ransom which he and all of the family can't cover (750000$)!! I had to read the message three times to realize what's she saying , I paused and needed time to realize the problem we're facing…
k is 60 years old with serious heart problem, and was very sick the day he got kidnapped ..
We had a freighting time, I couldn't concentrate in everything, I'd catch a book and realize after half an hour or so that I am reading another subject!
Whenever I find my grandma I see her praying and crying, and whenever I look for grandpa I see him in his room also crying, I tried to stay around grandpa and watch him, because his health wasn't well, he couldn't even walk alone ..
The situation in k's house was horrible, his 5 daughters were just weeping and crying, we thought we'll never see him, we don't own that much of money to release him . my dad and grandpa stayed with them every day, we were all praying at day and night.
Third week 23-30/10
The kidnapers at first gave us three days to prepare the money, or they'll kill him..
K's brother in law was the negotiator , as someone need to talk with kidnapers and try to lessen the money they ask for, and ask to extend the time we have.
Negotiating with outlaws is very difficult specially if they were savage and rapacious , they used to call and say how they're going to hurt him , or ask us to search for his dead body in a certain place, and such things.
One day left, and the negotiations didn't lead to any deal .. K's son asked us to collect as much money as we can, my dad and mom started to call our relatives even the far ones, and call our friends, and I started to E-mail our relatives abroad, and my mission during the kidnapping time was to talk with our relatives abroad who were so worried.
My grandpa knew "they" were asking for a lot of money, but he didn't understand how much does that equal in Iraqi dinars, well , I had to lie (white lie), I used to catch the calculator and pretend to use it and say that we are close to the money they want to make him feel better, and he believed that , but the truth is we weren't even close to less than quarter of the amount.
Each second pass maked our heart beat faster and faster, and the chance of losing uncle was getting higher, we were praying for a miracle..
Sometimes, the kidnapers would call, and other times they wouldn't , leaving everyone in tension, leaving the whole family sitting quietly waiting for a ring tone , and no one knew if uncle was still alive, or we're negotiating over a dead man (like my mom's uncle M, the negotiations lasted for 3 days, but he was dead, we found his body in the morgue)..
I was worried , I can't deny, but I had so much faith in god, he can save uncle from the hands of those killers , but it was hard not to be emotional .
I'd put my head on the pillow at night, and start to wonder, is k hungry? Are they beating him ? is he even alive ? will I hear his loud laugh again ? the whole family is standing with each other, supporting and comforting each other , but who's comforting him? And a lot of wonderings and tears , then I start to say "No" , this is not the faith I should have in such time, god is by his side, grading and protecting him .. it is like a battle between my heart and my mind, my heart wants me to cry and be weak, while my mind orders me to be strong and believe that god is going to protect us all.
When they called, the negotiator "N", told them we don't have that much of money, the kidnapers told him that they're going to kill K, N replied "may god bless his soul" , and ended the conversation , they didn't call for hours, what a long hours they were for us ..
It was a miracle when they accepted to lessen the amount of money, they had two choices either to kill K and get nothing, or release him and take whatever we have .. the amount still huge, but we could afford it , everyone participated even far relatives gave a lot of their saving ..
We paid the money, and The kidnappers said K will be released at noon..
My grandpa felt really glad, the family decided that it's better if k and his family come and spend few days in our house..
my mom, grandma, and I started to cook for lunch, we made many dishes feeling excited and anxious to see K, then we started to wait in the garage, the lunch time came and nothing happened, and we waited for hours and hours, at 5 pm we went inside the house , we didn't have desire to have lunch, grandpa went out and kept waiting in the garage.. the sun started to set, and it started to get darker, and night fall..
grandpa went to our neighbor they talked something , then grandpa came to the house took a blanket and torch with him and left, without saying a word, we knew he was going to search for him..
we've heard stories, kidnapers would take the money and kill the person, grandpa started to look for his brother's body in the streets, and garbage containers with his heart full of sorrow and feeling terrified that he may find the body of the brother he raised like his son , a series of old memories came to grandpa's mind, when his brother started to walk and grow up, get marry and have kids, grandpa was heartbroken, I'd never seen him in such misery .. my mom called Doctors she know but they assured her that they didn't receive a body with those descriptions in the morgue ..
the time was passing slowly this time, I sat on the stairs in our garage looking at my watch and feeling a strange shake in my legs , with every second our hearts were filling with more fear of what's going to happen next, is like we were in a horror movie and we want to reach the end quickly , will k come back safe? Or … I didn't want to think about another option, I was praying for god to give us and my grandpa strength to tolerate ..
To Be continued …
Sunshine

Eid mubarak

2010-11-18T14:33:00.002+03:00

Eid mubarak

I'm spending Eid in Baghdad with my grandparents, I've been so busy last month, a lot of things happened which I'll write a long post about as soon as i can.

i thought i'd publish a short post to let you know that i'm ok, since i started to receive a lot of E-mails from my dear readers who started to get worry because of my long absence ,thank you all for your concern

Sunshine

Livesstrong92@yahoo.com

Livesstrong92@gmail.com

A quarter engineer!

2010-10-02T15:14:00.001+03:00

Finally, I finished my second turn exams, and now I am enjoying 6 days of holiday , I want to do all things I wanted to do in the summer holiday, so I feel busy !
I went shopping three times, had a new hair cut, went to a party, and I am reading a great book "enjoy your life" which was a gift from Dr. versatile to my mom (thanks Dr.)
And I have other plans, like making a dramatic change in my bedroom, invite my relatives to lunch, and go to the gold market which is like a tradition I have before starting a new academic year, the majority of my savings are dedicated for buying golden jewels (bejeweled and treasury), I enjoy wearing them and whenever I need money in the future I can sell them. It is such a great way for saving.
Although I didn't have a holiday in the summer, but I actually feel excited to start a new academic year, each day is a new step to achieve my goal in the currier I chose, now I am a quarter engineer!
Only few people I know chose to study engineering , the majority of students attend it because of the marks they got in the pacaloria exams.
The reason why people prefer medical colleges is, they can get a job, while so many Iraqi engineers are unemployed, but when I was thinking about this huge decision my best friend madcanuck encouraged me to chose engineering, because I'd rather find difficulty and delay in finding a job for a currier I love, than getting a job easily in a carrier I don't like. And I prayed a lot to make the right decision, even if engineering is the most difficult college here, and our professors are so stiff and try to make us feel hopeless , but it worth it, and I have no doubt about what kind of life I planned to..
A week ago, I was studying for my last exam, and I felt so bothered because of the annoying kids in my neighborhood who were kicking our garage door , I was looking through the window, and missed my old neighborhood before the war, the old neighbors, and old spirit, it was a classy place, now it is like a village!
I remember waking up on Friday, before the war, and my grandpa was preparing to clean the street in front of our house, and I decided to help him, another neighbor saw us and gave a hand of help, then the other did the same and so on, in a short time all neighbors went out and we all worked together, cleaned the street, and then my grandpa started to pick of the fruit in our garden and other kids offered to help, and grandpa gave them fruit in return , and after that we played with bicycles.. now, those kids are collage students, and they left the neighborhood ..
So many neighbors who were professors, doctors , engineers were threatened and sold their houses, as well as the Christian neighbors.. we're still in touch, but the neighborhood will never be the same after they left .. we want to leave this neighborhood, but grandpa doesn't want to, he says he have memories in every corner of this house, he designed it and built it, and he's not leaving no matter how hard we try to convince him!
Enojoy your neighborhoods,
Sunshine

Only few hours vacation ...

2010-08-22T23:02:00.009+03:00

Ramadan Kareem to you all..
May this peaceful month, brings it's blessings and mercies to Iraq, may the bloodshed stop, and may all Iraqis live in peace .. it is the month where Muslims in my country fast, don't eat nor drink anything from 3:30 am, till 7 pm ..
This order from god make us appreciate god's blessings and feel the paupers' feelings, understand their suffering so that we always remember to help them.
Fasting in Iraq is not like fasting in other countries, first the temperature is so hot, and we don't have electricity as you know, beside the very high prices for food, oil, and everything .
I do like Ramadan, it's the month that Muslims dedicate themselves to god more than any other time, read al Quran, and pray, so it is a religious month..
And it is a generous month, when people help others, prepare al Futoor (the meal when we break our fasting) to those in need ..
and it's a forgiving month, god forgive the people who've done mistakes if they truly regret it, and also people should forgive each other before Ramadan starts, they shouldn't start fasting and they have feud toward each other .. so, it is the month of all good manners that Muslims should have during the whole year, it is a reminding month..
I feel tired, emotionally and physically because of studying, students need rest, that's why we have the "summer holiday' but apparently students in engineering collages can't rest!
Sometimes I wake up feeling well, other times upset and bored from studying..
I miss doing my hobbies, I miss reading, doing handmade work, cooking, playing musical keyboard, or just giving my brain a rest,sometimes I spend like an hour or so doing things I can, but this makes me feel even more upset that in this vacation I couldn't do any of those more often..
I miss writing to you more than anything else, but I promise to write after my exams .. I really need your prayers!
********************************************
Before Ramadan started, we went to the north, to Dhook , in a picnin, we spent really lovely time, first we had breakfast in Sararash (summer resort), the weather was cool in the morning.
Then we went to Ashawa ..
we went there many times, it has a great waterfall , I could feel the spray of water when I stand up away from it, this year when I got their and looked at the "waterfall" it was like if someone was pouring a bucket of dirty water !!
But we had a nice time, because a group from Baghdad came ..they danced , swam, and played music….

Then, we went back to Dhook .
There, we had lunch in a restaurant called "shandokha", and went to Dhook dam, Mazy mall, and Dream city, and also we made a surprise to my father, we bought a cake and went out to the park singing "happy birthday" .
I had a nice day, out of the daily routine , I hope all cities in Iraq be as northern part safe, clean, and have a better service like electricity, water, and traffics !! we deserve a better life, we have the will to change the situation, to rebuild our country, the only thing we need is a good government that don't work against its citizens , the one that cooperate with us and invest the sources of Iraq instead of stealing it ..
Let's hope for a better tomorrow ..
Sunshine..

Second turn for the first time..

2010-07-29T20:31:00.000+03:00

I came back from Baghdad couple of weeks ago, after spending two weeks in my grandparents house, my grandma had sever disk prolapse , and she couldn't leave her bed for a month and half, and still she must stay in her bed for other two months..
So I spent the whole time doing housework , cleaning and cooking, I improved my cooking skills!!! , we also went shopping three times, and once we went to a nice park where my brother and sister played , it was a nice time ..
I've always loved Baghdad, I had the best memories ever there, and it's painful to see Baghdad in this dramatic change, weird faces, different language , weird costumes, and odd traditions!!.
the Shiites had a ceremony weeping on Al kadhem who died 1400 years ago or so while we were in Baghdad !! They walk to his cist for hours, and days !!
They are free to do what they believe in UNLESS this starts to affect our lives and make us feel so angry towards their own traditions.. they have a special ceremony like this (almost every month), each one last for a week or so, the situation becomes awful, closed streets, dirts everywhere (cans, food, water bottles everywhere in the streets, as the food is for free !!) , adding to that loud DJ, black flags which effect the view on Baghdad, life stops, the shop owners have to close their shops, and people (like ourselves who do not participate) become prisoners in our houses as it is impossible to go out .
While we were in Baghdad we went shopping, concrete walls are everywhere , and behind them, the lovely Baghdadi shops , anyway, at 10:30 pm, we got in a shop which had really cool clothes, my mom, my sis, and I bought several cloths from that shop and stayed in for about 40 minutes or so, anyway when we left the shop , the view was shocking behind the concrete walls, no customers, no cars, although everything was normal about an hour ago.
The soldiers began to close the streets with barb wires after we arrived, preparing for their "religious traditions" which was after few days ..
A Shiites soldier saw us walking, and calling my grandpa who couldn't find a way to take us back home, he said " we'll not allow your cars to enter this street anymore! It will be for mawakeb only (for the people who'll share in the ceremony)" I really wanted to punch him ..
We walked for awhile, and then we found one cap , we reached our home safe but shaking, with lots of clothes!!
I really hated walking over the cans and water bottles, I want to walk in the clean Baghdadi streets, and see the educated people back, it is sad to see this ignorance in the place I love.
*************************************
So, my summer holiday started, but it is not like the one I planned for, I'll have to repeat 5 exams, as a second trial .. it was shocking for me!! Only 7 students passed from the first trial, people say it is normal in engineering collage!
My friend saw one of the students who passesd and told him " my marks are higher than yours, and I did much better than you in exams, you couldn't answer half of the questions, how did you pass ??"
He replied "it,s … wasta my friend, you need one! (means influence )
It is so unfair, we study at day and night, sometimes I walk for too far collages if I have a question as our professors are not well qualified!
My grandpa went to my collage, to object on the results, there, a professor introduced himself to grandpa who was a friend of his father in low, this professor doesn't teach us, but he's known of his kindness .. my grandpa told him it is a shame that 90% of the students will attend the second turn , and he took him to the hall where the students were gathering, and grandpa said "look at the angry students, and the crying girls, don't you think they are anxious to study enough, that they are in such sorrow?"
He replided, " you know uncle, the students on the first class weren't lucky enough, their teachers are revenging from them, they are Bathies (saddam supporters) and also they are not qualified to teach , they actually show up of their low ratio of success, ask your granddaughter not to feel sad, she doesn't even need to study more to succeed , I know her, she's one of the best students"
I've met many professors who teach in different engineering collages, and as soon as they heard about the names of professors who teach us they either say " they are sico (sociological patients " , or " God be with you" , or such things .. the professors give the students who have a big wasta (influence ) high marks, I refuse to get high marks even if I deserve them just because I am from a well known family, or I have someone important in my family, so I never write my family name, because I hate to be one of those
Anyway, I'll do my best and see what's going to happen .. my friends and I are taking additional lessons, but the streets are so crowded as a bridge in mosul was closed (huge cracks, because of the tanks and explosions), and another bridge also has huge cracks but they couldn't close it !
*************************************************************
A week ago , we went to my relatives house, their twin daughters passed the third class secondary school with good marks, and one of them got the highest marks in her school, I saw a lot of relatives whom I didn't see for long time (last time I saw one of my relatives was in her engagement party, now she has two kids!!!), we had the best time ever and danced a lot, we really needed to spend such a good time , out of our daily routine..
Also few days ago, my relative and dear friend H, gave birth a very adorable baby girl, she talked to me about the hospital ,she said " I was yelling because of two things, pain and cockroaches " what a happiness ! she even refused to stay in hospital after her surgery, she felt afraid that her daughter may get sick because of the dirt and contamination ..
I may not write that much, as I am busy studying, but I'll write whenever I can ..
Finally, I'd love to congratulate my friend HNK and her fiancé for getting engaged, may their live be full of happiness and pleasure ..

Sunshine

Writing to you from baghdad .

2010-07-01T21:50:00.002+03:00

Hello .

I couldn't write for long time, I have been so busy with my final exams, and now I am in Baghdad, I am going to spend two weeks in my grandparents house, my grandma is sick and I have no time to work on internet, as I have to clean and cook and make sure she's feeling comfortable ..

I have a lot to tell you about, and I will as soon as I have time ..

Sunshine

Stop the bloodshed..

2010-05-22T19:28:00.001+03:00

We didn't have internet connection for about a week, because of a sandstorm two weeks ago, and I have a very busy schedule as our final exams will be on 27/5, I feel like a big part is missing which is "Free time"
The situation in Mosul is horrible, The terrorists attacked the Christian students in their way to collage, some were killed and others were injured, it was shocking news, and we all felt so worried about our Christian friends and classmates .
Since the election, the terrorists forced the Christians to leave Mosul, the majority left to the nearby villages, and every day they come to work, school, and try to live their daily lives, but with a heart full of fear..
My neighbors left Mosul, leaving behind a big space in neighbors' hearts, we call them constantly, they come from time to time to take necessary things from their house, and couple of days ago, their dad came to say hello and brought a nice jasmines bouquet ..
My next door neighbors are still hiding in their home, they went to Syria for three months and then came back, we talk from the fence, and our sight are always directed to their door, watch who's in and out, whenever we see someone knocking their door, we open our door and watch silently, this make them feel more secured, to know the neighbors are watching their back .. we visited them last week, a life like this is truly unbearable, they can't go to work, shop, whenever the bill rings they expect the worse .. I have deep sorrow.. their daughter got married last Friday, without a celebration or a party, her husband picked her up and they went to the north, it is safer for them.
All of that is happening while the politicians fight each other, and try to take over the incumbency..
Every day in my way to collage, my heart ache to see the black sings carrying names of the young people who were killed " 'by a perfidy action", some are Christians , and others are non, no one deserve to die like that..
I wonder for how long this situation will last, we did reach the bottom, and I wish there will not be worse situations, although every day I say "it can't be worse" and in the next morning I wake up trying to feel optimistic and then find the day even worst ! ..
At last, I can't do anything but praying to god, may he protect Iraqis, and Iraq, may he bless the souls of the martyrs and give their families and friends the patience, and heal the wounds of the injured Iraqis …
May the bloodshed stop, and may peace come soon ..
Sunshine

Hanging out with friends ..

2010-04-08T22:13:00.004+03:00

I had a lot of fun in the last week, despite the fact that our exams are next week and still we find huge difficulty in understanding our subjects, or even pass our exams and quizzes .. everytime we have an exam we all get low marks (mostly zero), but it's very common in the engineering collages here.
Anyway, on the first of march, we celebrated the university day in Mosul, it's supposed that we don't attend lectures, but our professors insisted on examining us, we had a practical exam and two theoretical exams, and for the first time, I did well and finished at 10 am ..
In The university day, I felt like I am in another world, there were students dancing everywhere, loud DJs, students wearing folkloric Iraqi clothes, and galleries.
Then, lovely Najma, invited me to share her graduation happiness, so I spent a lot of time with her and her collage-mates, who walked around the university wearing their graduation robes, singing, and dancing all the way long, it was fantastic ..
Later, I returned to my lovely collage, hoping that within 4 years, I'll enjoy my graduation party, and invite her to celebrate with me.
Last week, I had a picnic with my collage to Mosul dam, we had lots of fun, even in the road, the guys kept dancing and dancing in the bus. Then we went to the electricity generation station which is amazing, and then to a nice place near the lake, were we had lunch, then rented a boat (which is my favorite part), we played with water, and we were
completely wet after all!! We took pictures, videos, and played Frozbie , we had the most amazing time together.
Also last week, my classmates and I, visited the museum , the public library, and the books' gallery..
Last Saturday, we had a party, my dad cousin's engagement party, so last week was good, and I hope the coming days will be even better..
I'll have my exams next week, so I may not be able to write often ..

wish me luck.
Sunshine

I Voted ...

2010-03-07T11:20:00.002+03:00

Today is the election day, I woke up to excited, and full of hope.. my grandpa, grandma, and dad voted early in the morning at 7 am.. then my mom and I went to the election at about 9 am ..
My heart was beating fast, as I entered the room, it is my first time..
I was expecting to see so many people walking in their way to vote, but there were only few people, I was frustrating, but it is still early , and the election will last till 5 pm.. hopefully those who decided not to go, will change their minds..
How many times we think about ourselves, the things we need to do and use the term "I" in the day? It will be great if people say "Iraq"instead in this day, and put the benefit of the community before theirs, because there's nothing in this day more important than voting to build a better future for us and for our families..
All of my relatives in Baghdad and Mosul, inside Iraq and abroad voted, as well as my friends , even those who hesitated to go, decided to vote after I urged them..
I am so proud of all Iraqis who voted and will…
Sunshine.

The 7th of march ...

2010-03-04T21:40:00.000+03:00

The elections will be on Sunday, the 7th of march , as I became 18 years old ,I'll be able to vote for the first time, if there won't be any cheating, then my voice will be important, and may make a difference, so I searched in the web and read about the candidates , it is every citizens' responsibility to think and make some research before electing. So I hope and pray that al_ Iraqia list will win , maybe if they win , Iraq will be safer and better place, the candidates there are better than the candidates in other parties, they are more educated , and from original Iraqi families who have loyalty to Iraq not any other country, as well as I support the laity party..
We are just tired from living in horror , we don't want to lose more people we love, this war was bloody and I just want it to end and be a bad memory in my life .. I wonder if my relatives abroad will come back, I didn't see my only aunt for 5 years, and my cousins doesn't know me.. Iraqis want their lives back… I can't wait till the day I'll wake up and open the curtains in my room and see life in my neighborhood again instead of a ghost city, I can't wait till the day that we'll remove the wood we placed over the windows, I wonder always if I and all Iraqis will ever feel relief.. I have so many hopes and plans for that day, wonder when will it come ..
I want to hear good news about rebuilding my country, the developing and improving in economy, not how many people who were killed..
The situation is so bad in the city, about three weeks ago, the Christian started to get threatening messages to leave to the countryside, the terrorists began to kill Christian guys, old men, women, they spread the fear among this peaceful Iraqi cast.. some Christians left the city, others decided to stay as they have jobs, schools, and also felt afraid to leave their house along, as last year the terrorists exploded their empty houses.. the ministries announced orders in the beginning not to give any Christian a leave, so many Christians were killed in their way to their jobs or universities.
A new engaged guy was killed, a man in his sixties, a woman was killed inside her house and in front of her son, collage students we killed, 3 men from the same family were killed inside their house, and many others. Those events broke our hearts, and the government didn't take any serious reaction to protect this Iraqi peaceful cast. But the previous decision was canceled the Christians got an open time leave from their jobs.

Why? why did that happen? Who's behind forcing the Christians to leave?
Political parties fight each other, and the victims are those innocents.. all of that murders and frightening was because of the election, to force the Christians to go to the countryside , and ban them from participating ..
What makes me so angry and so frustrated is, when there is a "weeping ceremony " the country become in an emergency situation, so many soldiers and a very serious secured procedures is taken to protect the Shiites ,. While the government didn't ensure the safety of the Christians who only wanted to continue their daily lives, go to school, or work normally , it is so unfair ..
I was getting ready for college and my neighbors called us, they had to leave the house, it was a very painful view when they brought the keys of their house , their car was full of pillows, clothes, and their stuff, their mother gave us the key will eyes full of tears..
My other next door neighbors also gave us their house's key and money, and left the city ..
My Christian classmates left the city, as well as the students who came from other cities had to go back home, the national guards told them to go home a week before the election!! so my other class mates and I decided to stop going to collage until the Christians and the students from other cities come back (solidarity).
Sunshine

I am eighteen ...

2010-02-18T20:56:00.014+03:00

Last month, I had my midyear theoretic exams, they were really hard, and as these were the first exams we have in college we were in shock!
The professors said it is very common in engineering colleges , but I felt really frustrated, because I used to take high marks always in high school.
We still didn't get used to the way our professors explain, and in mathematics we face a huge difficulty as the professor abbreviated 14 lectures to one!! So we didn't understand a word, and I went to the Dean with few students and postponed the exam after many trials to convince him.
My holiday was fine, I spent the first week in Mosul, I had 9 homework of geometrical drawing, I spent two days working on them for 12 hours till I finished them, you can't imagine how my back was killing me by then.
On Friday 29/1 I celebrated my 18'th birthday, my friends visited me and we had a nice celebration and a great time, during supper my English high school teacher called to wish me a happy birthday, so I told her I have a surprise and opened the speaker, my friends and I said "HELLO MISS", she was so happy to speak to her previous students, I am the only one who's still in touch with her, we had really nice conference.
Age 17 was great, I achieved one of my biggest dreams which is going to the college I love, and I made my parents more proud.
I got rid of my night bruxism, and I feel less tensioned than before, and I am working on being more relaxed.
I experienced many things that made me stronger in person, as well as left an impression that will stay in my heart forever.

I am more mature than last year, and I look at many things in a new prospective, it is a normal thing of course, but it is amazing how one year in human's life can has such an effect on his personality .. the biggest lesson I learned was it is ok to make mistakes sometimes, as long as I learn from them , and it is better to be good in many things, than being perfect in one field, the things I got though taught me a lot, and I am really grateful and thankful for god for keeping me and my family alive and safe..
My wishes for my 18year , is having a good health, and seeing my family and mom having a happier, safer life, and enjoying their health, I also want to publish my book, it is a long journey ! but my book is in the final stage (I hope), I also want to succeed from the first trial in collage.. I am planning to learn driving, and get a license..
Now , as I am 18, I can vote although my voice will make no defference!!!, I'll do what I can to make this country a better place. I know many people are frustrated and some will not participate in voting because there are a lot of cheating in results, but as Ghandy says " you should be the change you want to see in the world" , I can't fix Iraq, but I can be a good citizen do my duty, it is my job.. I really wish to live a peaceful life this year ..
I wished for so many things before I blew my candles, but the first wish was living in peace, I wonder how many times will I blow the candles and wish the same before having a free, peaceful country!!!

On Saturday I went to Baghdad, my mom had an appointment with the doctor, and thank god , her health is fine now .
In Baghdad I celebrated my birthday again with my grandparents, we spent a nice time ..
My brother had a high fever , so we didn't go anywhere except in the last two days..
On Wednesday , we had lunch in a lovely restaurant in al Rubaii street (my favorite place in Baghdad), and we also went shopping , and then we went to a nice park , my brother and sister played , we enjoyed our time so much ..
Then in the next day, we went to the zoo and a place called " Al Zawraa", it has nice gardens and a lake, it is the first time we see al Zawraa.
Baghdad was empty this visit, the Shiites were in karbala as they have ceremonies there, that's why we took this chance to go out, see al Zawra! The streets were empty.
What was weird is the so many signs and flags in streets, those ethnic traditions came to Iraq after war, it is painful to see the country in this way.
The funniest thing is when we went to al Zawra we saw many people calling their relatives and saying " you will not believe?! Al Zawra is almost empty, there are only respectful families with their kids, take the chance and come" .. people avoid going to al Zawra because the majority who visit it are from rotten level in our community ,although it's nice place with beautiful nature..
We saw many families from mosul, and the journey was perfect .. a woman said to me " we'll come to al Zawra, every year like this time!!"
Then, on Friday, we had lunch in my relatives house, and the supper at the restaurant ..
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This week in college was nice, I did well in mathematics, and we had some break time, the weather is cool and I spent lovely time with my friends, one of my friends "N" got engaged, frankly I find it weird as she's only 19, but she's glad and this guy loved her since she was in high school, so I am happy for her..
Her engagement party will be after the election, so we are excited..
Sunshine

A promise to write ..

2010-02-06T17:37:00.000+03:00

this is a short note to let you know that i am ok .. I've been so busy and couldn't write, but i hope i'll have some spare time in the coming days because i miss writing a LOT , beside i have a lot to talk about (exams, holiday, my birthday, visit to baghdad , election, and much more with pictures )
Sunshine..

Happy new year ...

2009-12-31T21:04:00.002+03:00

Hello friends, Happy new year and merry Christmas, may all of your dreams come true, and 2010 will bring the Iraqis and the world peace, may 2010 be without wars, bloodshed, and sadness..
2009 had good and hard times, but I am so thankful for god for keeping me and my family, friends, and loved ones alive, and in a good health .. . this year I found an agency for my book, and went to the engineering college, so I am close of achieving two of my dreams ..
My mid year exams will start on 10/1 , I feel worried a lot, specially that I study a lot and the professors told us " whether you study or not, you're not going to succeed from the first or second try" from their opinion engineering is too hard to succeed from the first or second exam, we're doing our best despite everything, and professors not only explain in a horrible way but make us feel so frustrated, our marks are horrible .. the highest mark in the class in 3 out of 10 !!!!
I spend a long time searching in the internet for good sources, sometimes I spend 4 hours searching for an answer to one question !!! sometimes I feel frustrated, other times I do an extra effort and challenge myself to find the answer.
I am studying hard, and need your prayers ..
**********************************
Next Saturday, my relative, and dear friend Raghda, will have her Nishan party, she got engaged .. so I wish her a successful and happy marriage, and god bless her and her fiancé .
Sunshine

Eid ..

2009-12-05T20:41:00.004+03:00

Eid mubarak (blessed Eid), for you all, I really missed writing to you, and feel so glad to post again, I have a lot of news and new stories .. …
Since collage started I became so busy, I come home at 3 and half pm, have lunch and a quick nap, and start studying at 6 pm till mid night, honestly I thaught college will not be stressful for me, but the first week was hard, our university lecturers are horrible in general!! We have two good professors and the rest have no idea what they're talking about, they have a paper and they just write it and leave the class leaving us confused ! when I ask a question I get the same reply which is " time is too short to answer" or they just ignore our questions , and that's because they don't even know the answer !!
I depend on myself, and ask the students older than me, specially their professors were different, I also borrow books and try understand the lectures such as CDs , books, and lectures from older students.
I think I am doing fine so far.. I have a new friend who's from Basra and I spent most of the break time with her, and when it comes to lectures and studying I have 2 classmates who are clever, we spend a lot of time explaining to each other .. one of them is from Baghdad and the other was with me in primary school and he remembered me so well !!
The second week of college was so stressful and crazy, I lost appetite, and I had horrible insomnia, I was thinking about the lectures I didn't understand all the time.
on Thursday (3 days before Eid), I had unbearable headache, , after midnight I woke up shaking harshly, and my jaws were killing me, I had a high fever, I stayed awake till 4 am I couldn't leave my bed, then when I was able to walk I went to mom who gave me medications, at 6 am, the fever was so high, as soon as I left my bed I fainted, my sister was awake and she started to scream calling dad who carried me to bed.. it was a horrible long night, I was in pain and also worried about my studying schedule..
In the morning my grandparents arrived from Baghdad with both of my mom's uncle and aunt and their families, my health started to get better by time, and I was able to leave the bed, I didn't have high fever, but I had a bad flue!! but I was enjoying time with my family and relatives.
Thursday was Eid's night, or as we call it Laylat al Eid, we took showers and wore our new pajamas it was fun :D

In the first day of Eid al Adha, my grandparents decided to slay a ram a allocate it's meat to paupers and relatives, so the butcher came early to our house, this is a tradition called Dhaheya.. I didn't have the courage to look at the poor ram ..
At 11 pm, we went to my grandpa eldest brother's house, where we had a family meeting.. it was a real family meeting, there were so many relatives, a lot of food, and a nice pleasant time ..
At noon we came home, and I started to show the pictures I took among the laughs of my family, there were hilarious photos .
On the next day of Eid, we didn't go out, we enjoyed our time with barbeque in the garden followed by Iraqi tea on coal !!
On the third day of Eid, we had a family meeting in my other grandpa brother's house, before lunch S (my dad's cousin) logged in to the internet and we talked with our relatives abroad in a voice chat, and they saw the whole relatives by webcam as the computer is in the living room, it was so much fun, we talked to my dad's uncle in Saudi Arabia, my dad's cousins in Canada, America, and Egypt. And they were able to live the moment with us..
While we were having lunch accidently the soup fall on my trousers, and I spent half an hour in the girls' room trying to remove the oil with baby powder (it's a useful way)..
Then, my mom's uncle who is painter, draw a picture of his brother and my relative while we were watching. then he draw a picture of me and grandpa. it was great.
On the fourth day of Eid we went to my grandpa cousin's house, there was a big family meeting, we saw all of grandpa's cousins, their kids, and grandkids.. we saw Najma and HNK with their family and we spent very lovely time.
In the evenings, we enjoyed playing some old games and tricks with matches, coins, bottles, and pens, and made shows of fire plays in the clear shy.

After Eid, my grandma had a bad influenza, we were planning to go shopping but it was canceled at first .. then my mom suggested that I go with uncle's wife and show her the market and do some shopping..
My grandparents and relatives went to Baghdad , I miss them already!! It was the best Eid ever.. hopefully next Eid we'll be celebrating with all of the relatives who left Iraq , it is a dream, and maybe one day it will come true, I miss them so much, specially my aunt..
On Wednesday after Eid, I went to college, but I was surprised of not seeing professors , and there were only 4 students in my class.. although it is not a holiday, it is silly, before Eid professors were talking about the discipline and how we should never miss a lecture and re build our country, they talk and never act.. our professors disappointed me so much, although they have high degrees they are unable to answer our questions, and not qualified to teach a generation that will one day re build Iraq, they can't give what they don't have..
Sunshine..

Sunshine, the future engineer ..

2009-11-03T17:52:00.001+03:00

The holiday is almost finished, I had the happiest time in the last month of the holiday, I applied to engineering collage and I was accepted , so it is a dream come true for me after the hard work I did, my friends were also accepted in the collages they wanted.
Two weeks ago, my family and I visited my friend who recently graduated from the medicine collage, we had a fantastic time together, I taught her how to use her new mobile (N 97) and her laptop, she didn't have time during her six years in medicine collage to learn using the new electronics devices..
Last week I was invited to a big party, my friend Y's brother graduated from law collage so his mother made lovely party, we had lots of fun and danced a lot, I reached home unable to walk and I walked shoeless inside the house for two days !! (the shoe wasn't comfortable but nice!!!), everything was perfect, the DJ, the hall, the decoration, and the food, also the invited people were all from the most respectful families in the city, they had a great spirit, classy with a sense of humor ..
Last week also, our close friends, uncle S's family invited us for lunch, Najma and HNK were there with their mother, we spent a great time, their new house looks wonderful, I'd never seen such a lovely, comfortable, and classy house, my favorite thing in their house was the summer living room with glassy ceiling(sky light) and green house, it is great to lay in the living room and watch stars, and they also have a warn living room in winter, the architect did a great job, it is definitely the perfect house..
the other great thing that happened was visiting my new collage, I loved it from the first sight, the university is huge and had so many collages, many are over hills, also there is a mall inside the university with cafeterias, when my mom and I went out of the collage, we went to a small and lovely shop for soft drinks, then we went shopping, I am soooooo eager to start the new academic year, in the career I choose despite people's ideas to attend dentistry or pharmacy, I thought a lot and both of my heart and mind were telling me to attend engineering .. and I prayed that I made the right choice.
As I am so happy to be an engineer, I invited my relatives for lunch, I want to share them my happiness, so last Saturday was the big day..
I made two turkeys, and 3 kinds of dessert (Caramel cake, cheese cake, apples pai, kamal pasha which is a Turkish dessert), my mom made salad so famous salads Fatoosh, and aubergines salad. my grandma made Dolma, kuba, Erook, kabab, Tuka, rice with roast chicken. My relatives were amazed and adored the meals and the turkeys I made, and asked me to be a chief instead of an engineer :D hehe
There were 27 adults, 6 teenagers, and lots of kids, everyone was enjoying time, and thank god no one talked about policy and bad news, the men talked a lot about cars and social subjects, and women talked about their kids and school , cooking and such topics, while relatives my age and I said lots of jokes and talked about collage and clothes.
Any topic is better than policy, it will never lead us to a solution for the situation, and will cause more pain and sadness only.
After my relatives left, we cleaned the whole house, I was exhausted, as soon as I laid on bed BOOOM an explosion happened, I was praying " plz god, not today I can't clean and fix the house today plz plz" it was a nearby explosion but the windows didn't break, my grandpa's idea to put wood and corks was good, but the house looks dark..
This month I decided to look at the bright side only, and remember only good things, if I want to live happily I must accept life the way it is , bad things happened but I should move on , because I am incapable to fix the world, and unable to bring peace to my country, all I can do, is to live every day the way it is, and keep in mind that life changes and hopefully bright days will come , and it was a good idea, I feel much better now.
Sunshine, the future engineer .

The tires passed over the hill !!??!!

2009-10-13T20:47:00.005+03:00

The last couple of weeks were great, we were invited to 3 Nishan parties and wedding party, as well as my best friend Y visited me, I didn’t see her for about a year, and we had a great time together, we've been friends for long time, I know her since I was one years old!!
the best event was Najma's nishan party and seeing the old friends, it was the best party ever, when I saw Najma walking with Bookish wearing her classy and gorgeous dress I got emotional and my eyes filled with tears of happiness, I look forward to see her in her wedding dress.
The other awesome event in this week was going to Arbil (or as it is called Hawlair), my family and I went with 40 relatives (my dad's uncle with his wife's big family), we had amazing time together..
we prepared lots of food (Iraqis eat a lot during picnics) we made pop corns, chips, candies, sandwiches, choorak, Erooq, pizza, and sooo many other dishes. it was decided that all relatives who live in our side of the city should gather at 6 am in our house, and we went to pick up the rest of relatives..
My relative and friend (B), bought drums, so we spent the whole way singing, and the guys said amazing poems, I was surprised to see such a wonderful talents !!
We were 9 teenager girls, and 9 guys.. and the rest of the group were kids and adults .
There were so many check points, each time, they used to check our identities, and bags, search our pockets, and they even took pics for us !!
Near Arbil, suddenly, we heard sound of crack and the bus slanting, the bus was full of smoke and dust, the driver was excellent and he controlled the situation and everyone remained calm till the bus stopped and that was the best thing to do, pray and be quiet...
Couple of cars stopped and men started to run toward us, I didn't know what was happening as I was busy singing and everything happened quickly and suddenly !! but the men near the windows saw the whole thing, two tires in the behinds were separated. One of the Kurdish men who ran towards us said " I saw one of the tires flying 10 meters in the air, you are lucky because the bus didn't turn over"
Uncle A said that he saw the tire rolling, and he added " it passed the hill and I think it is in the other side of the hill" I laughed because I thought it is impossible that a tire passes the hill and doesn't stop for at least 50 meters, the distance was huge, and we didn’t drive fast, but it was true !!! I took some pics !! the tires rolled for 100 metes and climbed a hill !!!
There was no way to fix the bus , so the driver called his company and they said within an hour and half a buss will come and we'll continue the one-day picnic !
We are so lucky because we weren't driving in a mountain, and the behind tires separated and not the front ones, otherwise we wouldn't be alive !.
What should we do during this time ?? I had a speaker and mp4 , the guys started to dance dabka in the street !!!
And we the girls, made a party and danced inside the broken bus!! Iraqis have amazing ability to make every reason to celebrate.
Then we played Bingo till the new bus came..

We went straight to shaklawa, but we found it neglected and dirty, it was a waste of time only, so we went back to Arbil , to the playing city ..
What a wonderful, free, and amazing time we had , I was the leader of the group although I didn't visit it before and I don't know the place, but we felt it will be better if someone leads the group, so the girls chose me. We were 9 girls age 13-27 years old. The guys went alone because they wanted to play "dangerous games!" , and our parents took the kids to the children's games.
For the first time since so long, I walked in a place feeling free, knowing that there will not be any shooting or kidnapping, it was awesome.
We played a game called " the serpentine", and a water game, and at the end of the game we were completely wet .
Then we played the "car crash", and " crazy dance" twice, it is the best game I've ever played in my life ..
The best thing in crazy dance is a singer was sitting in front of my seat, when he knew that we were Arabs, he sang Arabic song, we sang and clapped with him, it was a great time, we didn't sense this happiness since so long.
I find the Kurds very nice and good people, I hate their government and ours, but I respect the citizens, their cultures, and the way they dress.
Everyone was nice in arbil and I found a difference between the kurds in arbil and dhook (in my opinion)
For example, in Dhook some of the sellers in the malls who understand and speak Arabic refuse to answer us or even take a look, but in arbil, I asked about the price of a nail colorings, the seller didn't understand Arabic, she left and after awhile she brought a man from a nearby shop to translate, I felt shy and I bought two !! and the same thing happened in different places, when someone didn't speak Arabic he/she would send for someone else to help us, no one turned his back and left without understanding our question or request....
The funniest thing, I was in the WC, and I heard a woman shouting something in Kurdish, she was opening the door to the opposite direction and she thought that she was trapped and started to scream and call for help in Kurdish, my relatives and I hurried towards her, but she was out of control screaming (maybe she had a phobia from closed places), I shouted CALM DOWN WE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU, but she didn't understand us, and started to kick the door till it was stuck this time!! my relative know few words, in some way the woman understood that we'll help her, so my relatives and I started to kick and after all we forced our way in and she was talking in Kurdish and hugged me a huge hug !! and I was thinking "oh no, she just used the toilet " and my relatives were laughing about me!!
So many things happened in that day, and they'll always be in my heart and memory, I wish my whole life, and all Iraqis life will be as fun and safe , and everyone can feel joy and happiness as I did that day, for a while I forgot that I live in a war zone..
I took those pics and I hope you'll live the moments I did through them.
Sunshine

So MuCh FuN ..

2009-09-30T20:57:00.000+03:00

Hello friends, I've been in Baghdad and I didn't have time to use the computer, I was busy preparing for Eid, we also have several apportionments with Doctors, as you know the laboratories and doctors in Baghdad are much better than those in mosul.my mom did some tests she is doing fine now .
Our way to Baghdad was good, there weren't any troops or closed roads, but there were so many check point (every 100 meters) and we drove slowly (60 km/hr), the soldiers asked the driver to drive slower while he was driving at 70 km/ hr . it is ok as long as the road is safe .
We arrived Baghdad at 11 and half am (we left mosul at 5 am), my grandma was making deserts for neighbors, and she asked me to deliver them, for the first time since so long, I feel safe to walk alone and cross the street, I am 17 and it seems strange that I can't walk one step without an adult around, but the situation in my neighborhood forced me to feel this way .
Anyway, I delivered the deserts and in my way home I saw a neighbor "A" parking his car, he just came from hospital with his beautiful wife who gave birth to a healthy and cute baby boy.
I love my grandparents' neighborhood, it is safe and classy, the neighbors cooperate and love each other..
I took a nap as I was a little bit tired, and when I woke up I helped grandma in cooking and preparing Al futoor for us, and for our neighbors "A's family".
Grandma prepared a great futoor for the neighbors ( Dolma, Chicken, rize, Kabab, Lazania , Orange juice , yogurt, dates, Adas soup, and a dessert so famous in Iraq called Basbosa) grandpa and I took the salvers to them, and it looked like "a royal meal".
In Most of the days, my mom's uncle had al futoor with us, his wife is in Syria and his daughters are in Amman and Egypt, he talked about his visits to Morocco, Jordan, Syria and Sulaymaniyah, we had a nice time.
In the second week of our visit, we made klecha ( an iraqi dessert for Eid as traditions), we also cleaned the windows and prepared the guest room, but a sandy storm ruined our cleaning ! but as I say always "I prefer that my hard work in cleaning ruins by a sand storm than from explosions"
While I was cleaning the windows with grandma, I smiled and said to her " it is the first time I clean the windows and know they are not going to break soon" .the day before Eid called Laylat al Eid (means Eid's night), we finished everything, I took a shower and dried my hair (and kept showing off , my new hair style looks great)..
I was watching Tv. And smelled dust and I know my nose never lies, I hurried to the windows and couldn't see anything, there was a huge sand storm and followed by rain, so can you imagine how did the house looked like? Muddy from the outside , and dusty inside, what a great Eid gift!!
We woke up in the first day of Eid early, and cleaned the whole house quickly, then we changed our clothes and continued cooking for lunch, the family meeting this Eid was in grandparent's house.
My mom's cousin came with her small family, my mom's aunt came with her son , daughter, and husband , as well as my mom's uncle who is alone. So we were very few.
In the past, we used to gather for lunch in my mom eldest uncle's house, about 15 families, can you imagine how many people we were? then after lunch Najma's grandparents and aunts used to join us, we used to have the best times ever..
Eid have a special spirit, all relatives must attend in the eldest family member's house, what a lovely time we used to have around the lunch table , specially as a kid when I try to look among my relatives to see what kind of dishes are there!! I miss the view of kids playing with their new gifts and running everywhere.
The older men and women used to stay in the living room and guest room , the young women used to prepare the lunch table and tea etc, while the young men try to make the ladies mad by picking up few pieces of food, and joking about their clothes or hair style, I remember my relatives (the engaged and new couples) used to stay in the garden with their loved ones, and the kids play and chase each other around them.
I remember those Eids, and I want them back. That is my Eid when I was a kid.. not the "Eid" when we spend the time calling our relatives aboard congratulating them, and wish to be with them next time.
Everything changed in our lives, not only Eid's traditions and spirit.
The most effecting thing that make Iraqis abroad miss Iraq and their families even more, is Eid's time, because there's no Eid better than the one in Iraq, no one can feel Eid's spirit and celebrate away from home family and relatives.
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Our small family meeting was nice, we had lunch, and talked about different things. in the afternoon our relatives left, then our friends visited us for about an hour.
In the second day of Eid, we visited my mom's aunt, and then my grandma's aunt, we were stuck in the crowded streets for 2 hours at noon ! we came home feeling exhausted, my sister and brother fall asleep in the car.

Since war began, so many cars entered Iraq, specially Baghdad, it takes 2hours to reach a place while it used to take only 30 minutes in the past.

To avoid the crowded streets we didn't go out of the neighborhood except few times, We went to al Rubaii street before Eid (my favorite place in Baghdad), and in the day after Eid we had dinner in a nice restaurant called Saysaban, which I like so much.
Then after Eid, we went shopping .. and that's all ..
Even though we didn't go out much, but at least, we had 2 safe and quiet weeks, and for me that's all I need, Safety ..

When I came back to mosul, I applied for collage, and we'll get the approval results after 3 weeks.
Few days ago, we were invited to a friend's Nishan party. next week, we'll attend another relative's wedding, and after two weeks my family and I will attend a Nishan party of my dear friend and relative, gorgeous Najma ( I congratulate you and Bookish from the bottom of my heart and wish you guys a successful and happy marriage, you look so nice together, may all your days be as warm as your love ).
Sunshine
P.S Nishan party is when the fiancé give his fiancée his golden gift as a symbol of his love and appreciation to her..

P.s I'll publish few pics asap

Anxious to go..

2009-09-09T20:16:00.000+03:00

This Ramadan was calm and fun for me, I spend the time on the internet, reading, watching Tv. And cooking, we also went shopping few times preparing for Eid (feast).
I'll also go to Baghdad few days later with my family, I'll sped the last 10 days of Ramadan in Baghdad and also celebrate Eid there, with my grandparents , relatives, and friends .
I love going to Baghdad, and I am really excited .. I'll post whenever I can, and I'll write a post with pictures about my visit to Baghdad.
Sunshine
P.S I'll apply to collage soon, and I may apply to engineering collage.

Bloody Wednesday ..

2009-08-21T21:49:00.012+03:00

Ramadan the month of peace and forgiveness, that all Muslims wait eagerly, it helps us to be more patient and more understanding, we fast from sunrise to sunset, and continue our day despite the hunger and thirst.
Before Ramadan, people who have disputes, must forget it and forgive, that's why it is the month of forgiveness, and also the rich people offer food and money (more than any time in the years) to the paupers, so it is the month of merciful and blessing.
I was hoping that this Ramadan will bring peace to Iraq, and that we won't spend more Ramadans under gun fires and explosions.
But, few days before Ramadan starts, Baghdad witnessed a bloody day, it was named " the bloody Wednesday" and "the red Wednesday" , it brought back old memories, of "black Wednesday "of last year..
In the morning of Wednesday, huge explosions happened if the capital, killing, injuring, and frightening the innocents .. the government didn't say the true numbers of people who died and injured, they were afraid of a "revolution" or "a panic situation" .. but from doctors we know that 1700 citizens were injured, and more than 500 died ..
I was so afraid about my relatives and grandparents, but thank god they are ok, but very upset ..
I don't know when will the government wake up from their torpor.. we are sick of their speeches and promises, we want a solution , but nobody cares, all they care about is stealing the country more and more..
The politicians are not Iraqi, they don't feel our pain, Wednesday was the most horrible day in Iraqis lives, all you could see is blood and dead people in streets, and people running, all you could hear is the shouts of mothers crying, all you could feel is a scare.. few hours after explosions, Baghdad became a city of ghosts, the streets where empty ..
Many questions are in my mind, why didn't the soldiers notice the lorry bombs which carried 10 tons of explosives ? who did those explosions and who helped those terrorists? For how long shall this situation continue? Will we live in peace ? I am still alive I wonder and wonder, but I find no answer.
I won't talk more, I'll let the pictures speak, and believe me, there are horrifying pics that I didn't have enough courage to look at ..

Sunshine...

Why? For how long?....

2009-08-14T21:15:00.005+03:00

The situation didn't get any better for so long, everyday I pray that security will come with the next sunrise, and in the morning I wake up and hear all of those explosions and say to myself, maybe this night will be peaceful, or next morning, that's how I've been living for almost 6 years, wondering and hoping ..
I have so much faith, and say to myself God is protecting me and the people I love, and continue my life, but sometimes I wake up feeling tension, having headache and start to call and check my family members, hear news, and whenever I hear sound of explosions I go to the roof to see it's direction ..
sometimes I just cry, and ask god why do we have to live under this horrible situation, why can't we wake up feeling secured, I want to be able to go out to gardens and markets, I want to visit nice places..
I am ready to replace all of the things I have, internet, laptop, money, jewels, everything, with a safe place where I can see my family and relatives safe, enjoying their health..
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few days ago, at 5 am, I woke up, I felt like I heard explosion or two, I though it is a nightmare or so and came back to sleep, at 10 and half a.m., my grandma said "did you see what happened in the Shabak's village?" I switched on the Tv. And heard a reporter saying "the village "Khazna" witnessed annihilating at about 5 am, while those innocents were still asleep … "
I felt my body shaking, I am in the city, and I heard an explosion many kilometers away, oh my god..
The terrorists who have no ethics, no religion and no humanity exploded two lorries full of explosives , as there's curfew in Mosul at that time, the two lorries must came from Kurdistan, the governor said " the check points in Kurdistan check every car and vehicle enter Kurdistan, and know if a pin enter Kurdistan, but they pay no attention for what goes out" and he is right, they care about Kurdistan only..
My grandma was crying, all the Mosul citizens, all the Iraqis, feel each other's pain, I took my mobile and took few pics..
I don't know anyone in that village , when I saw the huge explosions, and the dead people, the kids who died and the women who are weeping, the men who can't stand on their feet from the shock and sorrow, I wanted to run to them and provide them help ,I can't change the government, but I can write, and let the world know the truth..
Couple of days ago the policemen noticed a suspicious lorry , in Badoosh village, the lorry was going towards Al Quba, were the majority of it's citizens are Shiites, they found 24 barrels of TNT.

the situation became so unbearable, everyday neighborhoods witness huge explosions, the cultic fights became more horrifying and savage..
the sons and daughters of Mesopotamia are getting killed and no one of those politicians is paying attention..
There are deputies between the politicians but the victims are the innocents .. the political parties revenge from each other by exploding their rebate's neighborhoods , it is crazy , instead of fighting each other!!..
My dad's friend belongs to the Shabak's cast (the Shabak are kurds but they are against Kurdistan's government, and they are Shiites Muslims) my dad called to see how he and his family doing after a horrifying explosion which was heard all over the city he said " I buried today 41 bodies, and there are more under the wreckage " my dad became speechless, imagine loosing 41 person in one day, family members, relatives, friends, kids, women, old and young.. it is unfair.. in few minutes hundreds lost their houses, hundreds were killed, and hundreds are suffering from severe injuries, they may die, or live cretins or handicapped.
Why ?what was their guilt…..
The government does nothing but saying " we reprove this attack", saying that will never bring us peace, but a real plan and hard working will. Actions speak louder than words .
.
Thank god, the policemen stopped the lorry, and saved hundreds of souls.
Good bless everyone care about iraq and Iraqis ..
I'll leave you with the pics..
Sunshine..

Unfairness is better than mercy !!!!!!!!!!...

2009-08-04T22:03:00.001+03:00

I've talked a lot about the changes that happened in our life since war began, non of them shows the democracy and freedom..
Before war, there weren't any differences between Shiites and Sunnis, actually I didn't even know to which cast do I belong to!
But unfortunately our government is trying to make huge differences between us, so the two casts start to feel jealous, hate and hurts each other but Shiites and Sunnis have been living together for thousands of years and even married each other!!!.
Few days ago the students in Iraq got the marks of the ministerial exams, the most important exam in our life which will specify our future career..
To the great surprise for the students the marks were so unfair and low, I got 85.8 % and I am so lucky many are envying me!!
Every year about 60 students from my school join medicine, pharmacy and dentistry collages, their makes are higher than 90% but this year only 33 passed the exams !!!!!!!!!! only five from our class took marks in 90es ! it is insane.
With teary eyes and shock, I took a look in the web and saw that in some schools only 7 or 8 students passed the exams and in other schools in my city NO ONE passed the exams ..I started to wonder why ?
My friend called me crying also "there must be a huge mistake, no one we know took a high par" my friend said. The phone kept ringing, and no one was believing the crazy situation, most of the intelligent students who had 98 or 97 as final pars before the ministerial exams , failed, they'll have to repeat the 6th grade, others had 60% only or so, everyone was speechless!!
My lecturers in private classes and school teachers still believe I deserve 95% or so, but in the same time they say I must thank god because I passed, my physics teacher said his student which is a genius girl failed in 6 subjects "they didn't even mark her paper, they said she was absent in 6 exams but she attended them and answered well" he said .. I kept hearing such tragic stories
In Anrbar, Mosul, Diala, al Aa'thamya the marks were so unfair, in Anbar the ministry didn't mark the papers for 27 exam sectors, and decided to re-exam them, in A'athamyia the marks are worse than in everywhere else, students with their parents, professors started to demonstrate, one of the parents said "if they say the people in the south are more clever and they deserve the high marks they got, well I demand the minister to bring the student who took the highest marks to compete with my daughter, she is so clever, it is unfair she got very low marks" ..
but don't you notice that all of these places are for Sunnis ??
Everyone knows that the students are the victims of politicians disputes.
Each year, Mosul , Baghdad, and Hela, have the best ratio of success and high marks, unlike this year .
Now the iraqi media talks about our marks the whole time, even deputies, because the government is revenging from Sunnis.. governors, and important parties are demanding to re-mark our papers ..
Before we get the marks, I saw an interview with the person who's responsible of the ministerial exams and the marking in Dijla TV , he said " Karbal and Diwania have the best results ever, the students are busy with studying in these places, unlike those in other cities who are busy with other things beside school" and added " I ask the students not to be nervous, if they won't have high marks, so what, they can repeat the 6th class ones and twice and three times till they get it well " and then he added that during Saddam's rule the students in the south didn't take as high marks as they deserve, and now justice was settled!!
Well I don't see any justice ..
I felt sooo angry, the students in the north and middle are the cleverest but I kept watching with my heart beating fast and reminding myself he is just a bad person who's trying to part the iraqis ..
Then he said "there were some mistakes in the questions, but the humans make mistakes, we phoned SOME cities and corrected the questions "
At that time I was unable to continue the interview, I knew the marking will be unfair, my grandma was watching tv and crying, I said "grandma, what shall I do, the government is revenging from the Sunni students" ..
Then on Saturday I saw an interview with the minister he repeated three times that the students in the south have always been the best.

The huge difference between the students' marks in different Iraqi cities made the iniquitousness so evident..
one of the students got his marks and immediately had heart stroke because of the shock. it is so devastating to study so hard despite the dangerous situation, walk for long time in such hot weather in order to reach lectures when there's curfew, attend the exams, answer well, and then get so unexpected marks, WHY??
It is such a horrible government ,during Saddam's regime, who was dictator and despot ,the punishment of skulduggery in the ministerial questions, like selling them, or skulduggery in marking , the punishment was execution. when it comes to ministerial exams the rules were firm at his days. ..
For our government I'd like to say something:
I studied and prepared for the 6th grade so well, 16 months, at least 5860 hours of studying (12 hours per day, I usually study from 11 to 14 hours everyday) I tried to concentrate in spite of the hard situation, losing dear people, explosions and shooting, I did everything I could, I studied under the stairs during fights, my house was damaged for SEVEN times but I didn't give up ,I studied with chaos around me, I remember all the times I studied in the darkness till late time at night and used candles' light or torches, I walked for hours to reach the lectures at 2 pm while the temperature was more than 50 degrees, I didn't complain about carrying my books and searching for a room to study, as we closed all of the windows with wood because of the continuous explosions, I didn't care about the cold weather when the temperature in under zero degrees, or the hot weather in summer, I said, impossible in nothing for me, after all the suffering all I am asking you is to give us the result we deserve, based on our efforts and cleverness, not our cast or religions ..
Shiite or Sunni, I am Iraqi, and I'll rebuild Iraq in the future, if you like or not, I will not give up, my religion and cast doesn't matter, because I have a clear heart and unconditional love to Iraq, god will change what you damaged, we'll be great doctors, engineers and professors, it is right you didn't gave the Sunnis the marks they deserve, and gave Shiite students and those who are loyal for certain parties much higher marks, but it will not make us dislike each other, what happened made us even more determined to be important people in the future, so that Iraq will be lead by clever, educated , and respectful Iraqis, who don't part or treat people differently...
All I want to say is Saddam's unfairness is better than your mercy.
Sunshine

One country with two flags and many contradictions..

2009-07-24T20:38:00.005+03:00

When war began in 2003, I remember a speech on TV. Promises to be impressed within 6 months, as a kid at that time, the first thing I thought about was "Disney land", bright future, supermarkets, and big playing yards and similar things, I had many dreams and ambitious of a developed country, I believed in politicians as kind people, I believed we'll be the 51st state, and such lies!!
Now after 6 years of living in a war zone, I didn't see any good thing happening in my life,.. it breaks my heart to see the good people getting killed or leaving the country and the bad ones taking over the control stealing and doing horrible things that makes the Iraqis reputation worse, it kills me to hear the politicians lying and mentioning how many millions they spent so far "rebuilding" , they lie publicly and don't feel ashamed ..
The huge changes in my life since war are horrible, it makes me sad to see the Iraqi cities destroyed and it's people are living in horrifying situation, the politicians tempt poor ,uneducated people by giving them food and blankets. They encouraged people to perpetrate some rituals like weeping in "religious occasions" in order to distribute backwardness, to camouflage them , make them busy and not pay any attention to the country robbing.. the people in the world don't understand that those people don't represent the Iraqis, and think we are responsible in somehow, but the truth is, we are powerless, no matter how we try to change the situation we can't make a phenomenal change..
Anyway, Iraq is in a tremendous chaos , destroyed, but not in the northern part in Iraq, is developing, I feel happy whenever I see Kurdistan al Iraq (the northern part on my country), but in the same time my heart ache because I didn't see the same thing happening in the rest of Iraqi cities. all the good things happened in the Kurdish cities, and all we got is fear, death, hunger and blood , war took place everywhere except Kurdistan, we hope and pray all the cities will be developed the same..
Health issues :
The hospitals in Iraq witness lack in electricity, medicines, and staff, as the doctors were threatened and went to Kurdistan, or left Iraq ..
The patients lay on the dirty floors, even those who are dying, in our hospitals kids who need operation lay on the floor waiting for their turn, you'd see long queue of kids, sick, thin, and poor ..
The hospitals are so dirty and full of insects, many sick people can't find a bed and lay on the floor, even those who just had operations and need comfortable positions, there's no good staff , and lack of every necessary thing, there's no respect for humans..
While in the north of Iraq (Kurdistan), most of our good Drs. Had to work there, the hospitals are so clean, have great equipments, and electricity the whole time, the patients are treated well and have a good care.
People believe that The Drs. Who were threatened, were threatened by Kurds " either you work in our hospitals and we'll provide you with money and good life, or you'll get killed " many refused to be forced to live in Kurdistan in this way, even if they'll get high salaries and left Iraq .. we lost many good Drs.
Education
Our students suffer a lot, in winter we freeze, and in summer we can't tolerate the high temperature without electricity.. without air conditions and heaters, without even a light . adding to that, the crazy situation, the killing and threatening, it is so hard to concentrate while there are so many things going on around us !
Don't forget the closed roads and bridges, sometimes we have to walk for long distance. The educational staff is not good at all, the teachers are out of temper (most of them), and sometimes explain in a wrong way, and we (the students) correct for them. We have no computers, laboratories, good desks, we have no electricity at school, no heaters or fans, no water in WC !! everything is horrible and make it even more harder to concentrate . the windows in our classes broke during many explosions, so sometimes in winter the rain wet us and our copybooks!, and when there's sandstorm students inhale the sand.the same thing in collages, our professors are not good, the good ones left to work in Kurdistan ..
My relative is a professor. He got an opportunity to work in Kurdistan but he refused, after couple of days he got a threaten to leave his city!! Everyone knows those threats are on purpose, so our good professors and doctors leave to Kurdistan .. everyone knows that ..
In the 6th grade, our students most get about 95% par to go to medicine collage, and our curriculum and questions are really hard, and you know through my writing how much did I study in order to get high par ..

While in Kurdistan, the staff is good, they have electricity, security which is the most important thing. They don't have to worry how much they'll have to walk in order to reach school, and don't even think if they'll miss school because of a curfew..
Everything is going smoothly for people in Kurdistan. My friend is Kurdish and lives in Kurdistan, she said " you are living in hell, thank god we don't live like you guys otherwise we would leave our schools !
The students need only 86% par to join the medicine collage, their curricula easier than ours, specially Arabic and religion curricula they are sooooo easy
The Kurdish students can study in our collages, while Arabs can't study in their collages (every year only 2 students can join their universities).

the people who graduate from medicine, dentistry and pharmacy have to serve for two years in other cities far away from their cities, and if they take the certification or MSc. they have to LIVE in other cities fore ever, this is the new system , but Kurdistan have different set of laws..
Entertainment:
Our kids and youth feel bored, there aren't any safe place they can express themselves in .. there are only few play yards with simple toys in few neighborhoods. There aren’t any entertainment cities (the one we have doesn't work, no one look after the toys or fix the old ones), there's only a swimming pool (which I don't find clean, it's for boys) , we don't have malls like Kurdistan, and the amusing places we have are few. And kids spend their time playing in streets or watching TV.
Someone must look after those young women and young men, they are the people who'll re-build Iraq, someone must guide them and provide the city with youth centers..
In Kurdistan, there are fabulous restaurants, play yards, children cities, wonderful malls and swimming pools, stadiums, and gorgeous gardens ..

(kurdistan's pics)

(Iraq's pics)
Economy
At least 25% of the Iraqis are under the poverty line, can you imagine that?? in the richest country in the whole world.
In Muthana city the people who are under the poverty line form 49%, in babil they form 41%, in salah al Deen the ratio reaches 40%.. while in Dhook it is only 9%, and in both of Arbil and Sulaymaniyah it is 3% (the source is middle east journal) ..
I noticed the huge difference between our financial state and theirs, when I visited Kurdistan the majority of cars models were2009 and 2008 !! so expensive. And the prices there are also high, which means their salaries are much higher than the salaries here..
Policy
Iraq has 18 governorates, as a united county we must have one constitution, one flag, one government, and the same loyalty, for Iraq .. but the northern part of my country have it is own president and government, different rules and different constitution, and different flag !
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The Iraqi citizens (Kurds and Arabs) love each other, and both of us are unhappy and not satisfied for what's happening ,I am sure they sympathize with us and want us to live peacefully and happily like them . I have lots of Kurdish friends, some of my relatives married to Kurdish women/men, I love their culture a lot, and find them very simple people.. I am frustrated from the GOVERNMENT which is trying to separate us by making such huge differences between our life and theirs.
But you know what? They won't succeed, because the Iraqi citizens will always remain united, we feel glad to see the Kurdish citizen the way they are right now, we'll be even more happy to see them better, and wish one day Iraq in general will be free, developed and nice ..
Sunshine

Sunshine, the collegiate girl...

2009-07-09T21:53:00.001+03:00

Finally I finished the exams, on Monday at 10:45 I finished the last examination which was French, I can't describe my happiness in words, the high school is over, and I can rest now, no more studying at late time, no more private lectures , wow, I didn't have a break for long time.
This year the questions were unexpectedly hard in general, but I did well ..
The first exam was religion, personally I found the exam easy, because I studied really well, then we had Arabic exam, the questions were just fine, I didn't find them too hard nor easy, then we had English exam which was so easy and I did great.
I did ok in biology exam, although the questions were difficult and many students postponed the exam..
The fourth exam was mathematics, when I got the questions paper I was expecting someone to come and say it is joke or there is a mistake, they were unbelievable, we kept looking at the questions feeling confused, at about 11 am , the classroom was almost empty, students left without answering a question, they postponed it, students started to cry, our future depends on the marks we'll get.
the curriculum has hundreds of questions, why did they bring such huge numbers (in millions) and hard questions? We are not even allowed to use the calculator.. It is silly, just like they were telling us "no matter what you do , you will not answer them" and what makes me really mad is one of the questions was actually wrong..
My marks in mathematics range between 100 and 97 , my teacher called me the night before exam he said "I have such a high confidence that you'll take 100% easily, you're one of the smartest students I've taught , so I just want to make sure you are relaxed and have a high spirit" , but a voice in my heart kept saying that the questions will shock the students and teachers..
Many of My friends postponed the exam, others, like myself, decided to answer them no matter what.. I didn't give up and leave the exam, but I did badly….At that day, I lost control of my feelings, and started to cry with sorrow, why? Because the questions were so difficult and only few didn't postpone it ? .. I remembered the times I used to walk for so long in order to reach the lecture under the burning summer sun at 2 pm, and even though I used to take full marks and impress the teacher with intelligent questions, he trusted in me and my family believed in me, I answered AT LEAST 200 questions in every chapter during the memorizing period (we have 6 chapters so can you imagine how many questions did I answered?!!! And how many questions did I answer during the whole year?) and even though I didn't do as well as I expected. what also made me cry is why did these teachers put those questions? didn’t' they have mercy, and aren't they aware of how much effort we had to make in such horrible situation, what kind of Iraqis are they?..
When the exam was over I saw many parents waiting in the yard, they heard about the questions and came to school to support their daughters, my family kept receiving phone calls from relatives and friends asking about me, I felt comfortable to know that I wasn't alone, and I actually did better than many ! Few days later the minister was on TV. In an interview about the hard questions he said
"that's right we brought such hard questions on purpose, there are too many doctors in Iraq and we need other professionals " what an excuse !
on chemistry the questions weren't easy, but much better than the mathematics, at least we could figure out how to answer them after long thinking..
on physics I did great and I expect a full mark .. and on French I did ok, although the question were hard..
the only thing that bothers me, is the students who belong to a certain cast or certain militias know the questions in advance, and there are partialities in marking the papers.. I hope this year all the students will be treated equally , because we are all Iraqis.. and the other thing that may surprise you, is you can buy the question, it costs 640 $ for every subject, unfortunately some students buy them, but as for me and my friends, and the good people, we prefer to succeed depending on our own selves without cheating..
every day I used to leave the house 2 hours before the exam starts to make sure I can arrive in time, our friend's relatives were generous and allowed me to wait till the exam starts in their house, I spent such a nice time and we became friends .. I was really relaxed with high spirit before the exams.
so , now I won't think about school IT IS OVER FOREVER.
********************************************************

My plans for the holiday :
On the day I finished the exams, we went to celebrate in a casino, and we had a great time .. my sister and brother played and had so much fun ..
First of all, I'll start working on my book again, my agency waited me long enough till I finished my exams, and I'll post more posts I need to think about new things to write about , maybe you could suggest something?!
I also want to have a new look, something suits a collage girl.. play sport and lose few pounds, so I'll start a diet.. and I want to make a lot of handmade work, of course I'll cook a lot ! and do the house work.. I'll learn how to drive, my dad will teach me, and we'll buy a new car model 2009, I suggested "Sunny" I like it hehe.. anyway I can't have a driving license until I become 18 :D
My friends and i want to have a party, after we get our marks, and we'll also go to Baghdad after my grandparents come from Dubai (to visit my aunt Rose).
My grandparents invited me to spend the whole holiday in their house, but I don't think I can, I'll miss my mom so much, beside she'll feel alone without me, so I think I'll spend couple of weeks only.
I also want to chat with my friends, I miss them a lot, and answer my dear readers' E-mails ..
And a lot more !!!
Sunshine, the collegiate girl..
(I have tons of e-mails to answer, so please If I forgot to answer one of your e-mails re-email me on livesstrong92@yahoo.com or livesstrong92@gmai.coml and I'll answer asap)

Few days before the exams ..

2009-06-09T20:57:00.000+03:00

Hello all, I didn't have time to write a post for so long, I re-studied all the subjects perfectly well, and I am ready for the examinations which will be on 20/6 , and my holiday (which I deserve so much) will be on the sixth of july…
My friends and I decided to allocate money and buy fuel for the school generator, so we can have at least a fan during the exams!, as we don't have air coolers or air conditioners, any way a fan will be better than nothing in the Iraqi hot summer..
Usually I used to go to the nearby markets every week , so I don't feel bored and depressed..
My spirit is high right now, the exams will be after only 2 weeks, I just want the sixth class to be over, i feel excited but a little bit worry, I know I've done the best I could and I'll be satisfied with the results, hopefully.. something in my heart is telling me that everything will go on well, I pray every day that the I'll be able to answer well, and the streets will be opened, and the situation can be better, because right now, the situation is horrible ..
I feel so lucky to have such great readers, and friends who makes me feel much better whenever I feel worried or bored, so I thank you all from the bottom of my hearts for the supporting comments and E-mails, I'll answer all the 500 e-mails in the summer holiday.. I'll also have so many other plans, and of course posts, a lot of posts!!
My goal is either going to the pharmacy , or communication engineering, both of those collages are great ..
Sunshine

Back to you, with few lines...

2009-04-30T20:22:00.006+03:00

Hello friends, it has been such long time since I wrote my last post (or used internet), I am so busy with studying , I didn't check my inbox for a month, I postponed the interviews , and postponed working on my book until I finish the sixth class my exams will start on 20/6 and last for two weeks, the last exam will be on the sixth of July.
So, I am studying well, I finished mathematics, English, chemistry and French..
I have to say, I felt tired in the last three weeks more than anytime during the whole year,
I wake up feeling exhausted and bored, everyday is like the day before, I wake up at 6 am, start studying at 7 am, I have 30 minutes break at 11 am (sometimes I don't), and then I study till 12 after noon, take a short nap, have lunch and study again from 3 pm till 7 pm, then one hour break and study till bed time, so I spend about 11-12 hours a day studying.
during studying chemistry in another teachers' explanation booklets, I found that my teacher whom my parents pay lot of money to give me private lectures , skipped some subjects, I needed 3 days more than the scheduled time to finish them, when my teacher came I asked her about those subjects she replied " oh yea, I didn't explain them, they are hard and annoying it will be better to leave them, they are not important at all" then she turned to my mom and said " your daughter bother herself with hard subjects which never come in the ministerial exams, instead of studying the important things" , for two hours I kept asking her questions about different things and she couldn't answer any of them, I was shocked to know she could ONLY teach the subjects and questions in her explanation booklet, she memorize them only! But what about the other subjects in the curricula?!!
I perfectly understood the subjects she taught me and could answer every question she asks , but I found out that there are other subjects that I never heard of !!.. At the end of the lecture I told her (while my grandma and mom were listening) that all of those questions were from the ministerial exams for the past years, and those two subjects that she skipped (and the teacher in school also didn't know to explain them) are so important ,every year such questions related to those subjects (about heat and pH come ) must have at least 15 marks in the ministerial exams!. and showed her the ministerial questions for the last 20 years , she made me only answer the questions she understood and could explain!! She couldn't say a word, she felt ashamed, I felt heart-broken I trusted her, and thought she'll teach me the whole curriculum, I was feeling so tired, from studying day and night, I didn't have any break when I studied chemistry I was angry and had killing headache at last I started to cry, I told her "you couldn't answer ministerial exams? I must study every possible subject, not only those I like, I can't leave any subject because it is too annoying, it is my future madam"
I kept crying for two hours, I felt betrayed, at the beginning she seemed a good teacher, but after she took her money( one million dinars) she didn't explain the last 2 chapters, and explained the most important subject organic chemistry so badly, I studied the subjects she skipped, alone, and I understand them and the organic chemistry about 90%but I decided to re-study them and if I find any difficulty I'll ask someone else , I hate to leave a subject without understanding it at least 99% ..
At that night I talked with Baghdad dentist and oliver branch , those wonderful dear friends supported me and made me forget my sadness (thank you guys)..
I thank god for lightening my way and making me look in other resources, I feel grateful, it is not too late I can repeat chemistry 3 times till I have confidence and go to the exam without feeling worried.
The situation in Mosul is really bad, 2 weeks ago, 5 mines exploded just behind our house, the neighborhood was full of soldiers, there were many inspections, I had to give 200% of my energy to concentrate, but on Sunday (two weeks ago), I woke up with so much energy to study, at 10 am a mine exploded, my sister was studying in the garden she was panicked, and ran to the living room, we stayed together studying, 30 minutes later another mine exploded, I told her that I think there'll be more mines to explode( I felt so !) my sister looked at me and said "I'll do exactly like you when you can't concentrate, I will study in the bathroom" , well I do that a lot, bathroom is safe it has one small window,, not too hot nor cold, and it has more light than other rooms!! As the bathroom was taken I sat on the floor behind the library, and "tried" to study ..
in 3 hours, 4 mines exploded, whenever a mine explode, I have to check all the windows and replace the wood laths .every time I started to study that day something interrupted me, shooting or explosion, It was a bad day, I couldn't finish all the subjects I was supposed to finish, and at noon I couldn't tolerate I decided to take a walk outside the neighborhood !
Here is a pic for my new desk, I had to bring another bigger table, and put it near the only window in my room, (we had to replace the others with wood , for safety).. I am giving my extra efforts, and I'll be satisfied with every result I have , because I know I am tolerating a lot, luckily my friends neighborhoods is much safer than mine, they said if they lived in my neighborhood, there is no way they could concentrate.

I wish the shooting and explosions will stop , and It will be a miracle, if we can have electricity more often , I'll feel the luckiest person in the whole world, my eyes hurts me when I stay late at night studying with torch light, I can't study more than two hours with poor light! Sometimes I wonder Am I demanding too much??? !!
On 25th of April, we celebrated my mom's birthday, I made a surprising party for her and invited our relatives, we spent lovely time…
Sunshine

Tous les reves peuvent se realiser rien n'impossible ...

2009-04-03T14:49:00.001+03:00

Finally I finished the curricula and I started to re-study and memorize all the subjects two days ago..
I found that studying at home is much better than going to school, passing through dangerous roads and wasting time specially that our teachers don't explain well and sometimes explain in a wrong way!!
I study about 10 hours in these days, I do exercises everyday, listen to music, read a part of "la tahzan" book, and try to make my spirit high.
The first subject that I started to study is mathematics, everyday is scheduled, what time to rest, or exercise, or take a nap, in this way I won't waste a second, and also I will not exhaust myself and be in such a hurray.
On Thursday I went to the medical collage, I have tens of friends there and they kept urging and begging me to make a visit, I had a great time there, I have friends from different stages..
My best friend O and her group took me to the anatomy laboratory, they said I have to face my fear and see a "dead body"!!! the funniest thing is first I didn’t know where they were going to take me, when I entered the laboratory and saw human skeleton I ran out , and they drag me inside !! Anyway after awhile I got used to it..
Then we went to the cafeteria, then the stadium, the guys were playing football and basketball, I saw all the places in the collage, and then I went to another friend to support her while she was presenting her graduation project which was a seminar about malaria, when the seminar was over we celebrated, her group was very nice one, specially the humorous student from Baghdad who kept joking! I am sure they'll be great Drs.
On Tuesday I had two lectures, in the morning I had an Arabic lecture, the lecturer had some notes to tell us, and also taught us the right way to answer the essay, as we have to write one in the examination, last year the students were shocked when they had to write about a political subject!! When the lecture was over, the lecturer brought me a big present, and a very beautiful card, my friends felt so jealous, they said "why you???!!!!!! What about us??!!!" my lecturer respect and admire me a lot, he says that I am his "spiritual daughter", whenever I talk he pay me attention and sometimes we discuss our ideas about a certain book or so, he said he rarely find girls my age like the Arabic literature and the famous old poets, and he also like my writings (the Arabic ones). I feel so happy and blessed to know such a great person..
At noon I went to another teacher, I studied the genetics by myself but I had some questions about the subject, so grandpa took me to his workmate's sister who is a biology teacher..
Honestly, unlike most of the 6th grade student I am excited because "the 70 days of studying" started.. as it is said " the 1000 miles journey starts with a step"
And as my friend Baghdadentist always tell me "tous les reves peuvent se realiser rien n'impossible" I wrote encouraging sentences such as poems and aphorisms and stoke them on the mirror and closet!
Sunshine...

High school memories …

2009-03-23T20:04:00.001+03:00

Thursday was our last day in high school together, we had a great party, a lot of food, music and dancing, we played different kind of music, Arabic, western, Iraqi and Kurdish songs, I enjoyed every second, we kept hugging each other, old memories came back specially when my friend" A" said a lovely poetry about the six years we spent together and the teachers who taught us, it was very emotional..
I took my brother with me, and he had a pleasant time
The food was great, I brought Dolma, I looked funny when I was carrying a big pot and salver!! The best part was when my friend D (she's Kurdish), taught us how to dance the Kurdish Dabka, I learnt fast and D told me that I became faster and better in dancing Kurdish Dabka than her!! It was awesome the majority of girls joined in Dabka, others were either clapping, or taking pics for us, the girls who danced were Arabs, Kurdish, and even Turkmen, from Mosul, Baghdad and from other cities, no matter what are our casts and backgrounds we enjoy sharing each other the traditional dances.. at the end of the party I was unable to sense my toes , imagine 5 hours of dancing wearing high heels!!
Oh god, I can't believe it has been six years since I met my gorgeous classmates, there has been great and bad memories, my friends and I cried and laughed together, shared each other everything, we are really like one family, when one of us get hurts, have hard times like threats or losing someone close we all feel the pain, cry together and try to be supportive, when we feel that one of our classmates is not able to buy the necessary things and in need, we allocate our saves and buy too expensive gifts for birthday or any occasion without making our friend feel that we are intending to help.
when one of us have something pleasant like a wedding or party we all feel happy,we help her with choosing clothes make up advice her how to do her hair etc, and even do her homework as she will be busy !! when one of us cant understand a subject all the students try to teach her, repeat the subject over and over till she understands it! The relationship we have is strong, and I wish it'll always remain like this..
I'll share you some of my best memories;

I smile whenever I remember that time we had teacher's day in the third class, we thought the break time will last for long as the teachers were having a party, my friend H was complaining that she doesn't know the Turkamny dabka although she's Turkmanian, and my friend L offered to teach her how to dance the Kurdish dabka instead, my friends joined them and L started to explain the steps, and then all the girls started to dance Dabka together, while I played the rhythm on the desk using rulers!! Suddenly the door was opened and the history teacher came in!! We were shocked then started to laugh, the teachers party was canceled because a VIP came to school!!
In the fourth class, I had the best time in the end of the year, when we knew that our marks were really high that we don't have to attend the final examinations for most of the subject, and a band came to school, we practiced to sing a song about Iraq, I had a great time, the musicians played really well, and I liked the song a lot, it was our first song and it was shown in the national TV. And on satellite channels! The training was so much fun, there are many good voices in our class..
My other best memory also when I asked my friends to make a surprise for our friend R who lost her dad and several relatives, I thought she needed to feel excited and happy so I decided to buy her a PC computer, my friends participated with some of their saves and I bought the computer, wrapped it and took the present to school. The students, teachers, and R were shocked, it was the best birthday gift ever..
In the 5th class, with the help of older girls we allocated money for the students who were forced to leave their cities, the sums we allocated was big, we bought blankets, clothes, and everything they may need with part of the money and gave them the rest in cash, and we made a party for them as well, it was fun.. in the same year I started to sell magazines in school and the profits went to the orphans in Mosul, I am very blessed and happy that I got the chance to help people in need, the teachers used to encourage and help us to do good things for others..
In the sixth class the best thing that happened was the final party for us together and the competition we had with the boys..
Beside all the good events there has been very painful memories, when R lost her dad and several relatives, when M lost her mother, whenever a classmate have to leave Iraq, or get a threat, as well as all the times we had to hide under our desks when shooting starts, there has been terrifying battles near school, a mortar once fall, too many car bombs exploded, mines etc .. Many times we had to go walking among the tanks; our way to school is dangerous.
I'll always remember the good events and laugh, and the hard ones will only give me the strength, power and make me prepared for every hard thing I may face in the future
Sunshine.
PS. we don't know when will our exams be, some say it will be on the first of June, others say it'll be on the 20th of June !! too many bruits, but I made two schedules to be prepared for any date, so I know exactly what to study each day for the next 70 days !! I need your prayers and wishes, I am doing the best I can…

My diaries in short...

2009-03-12T21:45:00.000+03:00

I spend most the time these days studying, I stay up till 11 pm and wake up next day at 6:30 to go to school, I am not getting enough time to sleep, and my face looks tired, but I know these days will pass, but the result of my study will not fade away, so… I can sleep later.
The situation this week was very bad, many car bombs exploded, we hear shooting the whole time, many were killed or injured, and many roads were closed, I spend more than an hour trying to find an opened road in my way from school to my house, I arrive exhausted, with red face and killing headache after I take a nap for an hour to rest, I have physics or chemistry lectures at home, after that I do my homework while I listen to slow music, and my favorite songs ..(I like Whitney Huston, blue, west life, George Michael, Shania twin, Josh Groban, and too many to mention, I also like country music a lot, and I hear Arabic and some Iraqi music)..

In spite of the unbearable situation, I feel very optimistic and positive this week, because I didn't hear TV or radio news at all, whenever someone starts to complain about the situation and hard life I go away, when I feel stressed a little bit I put headphone and enjoy my new MP4,I read at least one page of the gorgeous book ( la tahzan= don't be sad), I try to create good things, instead of waiting for good things to happen to enjoy myself and everyone around me ..
You remember when I talked about the competition?? I have good news, both sides got the same marks.. It was a great competition but the judges were unfair with our side, they asked us harder questions and also about things we'd never heard of in our life!! When we answer a question but make one mistake they give us zero, while they give the other team one or two marks even if they didn't answer the whole question correctly, the teachers told the judges to be fair, but they didn't listen, I have to admit the antagonist was very smart, but we did better..
We competed with guys; they were dressed up very nice, my friend told me that she knew from one of them that two guys bought new clothes for the competition to look handsome; they wanted to impress us, as they were competing with 22 girls! Well to tell the truth many looked handsome, I love the spiky hairstyle a lot, and their clothes seemed very modern and new: D
Next Thursday, my classmates and I will have our final party in high school, and we'll have to say good bye to each other as we may not be in the same collage next year, it'll be hard to do so, we've been together for 6 years, shared each other the good and bad times, cried and laughed together.. I wish everyone the best of luck..
I'll start to finish the curricula alone on 22/3, I need 8 days to study them well, after that I'll restudy everything I've been studying since April 2008 when I started to prepare for the ministerial examination which will be on 28/5 or the first of June..
Sunshine

Last days in high school..

2009-03-04T22:05:00.000+03:00

After a busy busy week "as usual", many exams, homework, and lectures after school, I feel exhausted.
Only two weeks left and then we, the students' of the 6th class, will stay at home.. For 60 days to study to be ready for ministerial exams, the par we take will define the collage we'll attend.. the students who'll take the highest marks will be able to choose the collage they want, the lower marks they get, the less choices they have ..
Anyway, I am doing my best, and I know from my heart, that no matter what collage I'll attend, it'll be the best for me, but I still feel nervous in these days, because I keep studying, and attending lectures, and still have about 1/3 of the curricula left !! When our 60 days of hard work begins I'll have more time to study, concentrate, and make sure I understand all the subjects that I didn't understand completely..
This week I didn't go to school for two days, the situation wasn't good and the roads were closed..
I already made a schedule for my daily routine in the 60 days , I'll study very well, but I don't want to harm my eyes, health, or loose my mind ! so I'll spend 20 minutes a day playing sport, 15 minutes for reading my favorite book la tahzan (it means don't be sad), it gives me strength and makes me relax, I'll use internet once a week, write a post when I can, and do my favorite hobby which is writing for 10 minutes before I go to bed, I feel much better when I express my feelings, I love writing poems in Arabic, and lately I had so much passion that I could write a long poem within 10 minutes!! i don't know why, but I started to draw lately !! I never draw well, but my paintings in the last couple of weeks weren't bad! I feel glad, I always welcome new hobbies: D
I'll enjoy my last days in high school , in the same time I'll do my best so that I don't regret one day and say "only if I studied a little bit more"
There are some people who seems to enjoy scaring the 6th grade students, by telling stories about intelligent students who didn't take high marks and weren't lucky, whenever I meet such people I ignore them, and stay away.. What's meant to be, will happen no matter what ..
My mom bought me a new MP4, it is great, whenever I feel stressed from studying I listen to music and then go back to study with totally new high spirit ..
In these days, many competitions happened between different high schools in the city, next week it'll be our turn, the teacher chose 20 students to compete, and I am defiantly one of them, we'll do our best to win, like usual . These competitions are very useful, students realize the benefit of team-work, even if they loose.
I know I am not writing often, but I promise to write more and more when I finish the exams.

The encouraging E-mails and comments I get from my dear readers make me feel better, and give me totally new high spirit, even in the hardest times, so thank you ..
Sunshine.

The best 17th birthday ever..

2009-02-21T18:41:00.003+03:00

Hello friends ,
I was very busy with studying, I had a lot of subjects to study..
Two weeks ago, our friend( Baghdad dentist) visited us, he came to Mosul for couple of days, we had very nice time ..
Last Friday, I celebrated my birthday with three of my best friends in a gorgeous café, my mom's work-collage organized everything for my birthday, and he did a great job..
We celebrated on candle lights , and I loved every moment of my birthday, my friends and I was amazed, he made very nice surprises for us, and played my favorite songs.
It was great to see my friend Y, I didn't see her for more than a year, also my other two friends Z and M joined us with their family, it was a good occasion for my parents to meet their family, my mom had a lot in common with my friends' mom (she is a professor), and their brother was very funny guy, they are very nice family I hope they'll visit us often..
I wanted the celebration to last for ever; it is defiantly "the best 17th birthday ever" as everyone said..
**************************************************
Last week, I was preparing my homework, and I got a message from my friend saying "No one will go to school tomorrow, the headmistress's assistant got an alert from the terrorist through a phone call, that there'll be a battle near the school" . My friend said" worn everyone you know".
I kept calling my friends and everyone I know in school, I felt upset and old painful memories came back, and when we didn't go to school because of the dangerous situations..
So when the headmistress's assistant received the warning, she went immediately to the governorate asking to take serious actions to ensure the students' safety and the policemen's as well but you know what, they just said "ignore it, and the students must attend school".

They didn't do anything about that! it is crazy! My friends and I didn't go to school for couple of days, but then we had to attend school again, we can't stay home for ever, beside the whole country is dangerous, it won't make such a difference if we stay home.
The situation was very bad, everyday about two cars explode, one of them was near a high school in Mosul!!! I wonder if the schools became a target by the terrorists!
I may not write often, I am having a lot of pressure in these days; I'll have 9 lectures after school this week! It will be hard, but I'll give 100% of my energy. . I'll try to write whenever I find time .. .
Sunshine

Magnificent visit to Baghdad..

2009-02-08T22:03:00.005+03:00

Hello friends, it has been awhile since I wrote my last post, I had the best midyear holiday ever in Baghdad, the weather was fantastic and Baghdad became much safer than before, but what broke my heart was that I didn't see old Baghdad it was different!!!
We spent the time with our relatives and neighbors, we also did a lot of shopping, and in the mornings we cleaned the house, washed the curtains, cleaned the walls and organized the storage rooms .we did many things that my grandparents couldn't do ..
Anyway I'll tell you now about my diary..
Thursday (22/1)
We arrived Baghdad after 7 hours, the delay was about 2 hours near Baghdad gate, but the road was really safe, no more armed men, dead bodies and mines in the street, my dad's cousin joined us and spent 2 days with us.. at noon we went to uncle( S)'s house, uncle had to leave Iraq, it was very painful to see the house empty, uncle S is my grandpa's best friend, who left Iraq suddenly, he brought the house's keys and asked my grandparents to sell the house and all of his possessions, it was so hard for my grandparents to sell their best friend's house..
I kept walking in the house, in each corner of the rooms they had beautiful memories, I remembered the times I visited them and how much fun I had, and prayed uncle S will come with his big family because I miss them so much..

At about 9 pm my neighbor visited us (she's Shiite) she said they're going to cook ( Zain al Abdeen's soup),it's a traditions, they cook this soup every year and allocate it to all the neighbors in the neighborhood and for everyone who asks, I was eager to know more about their traditions , so she invited me to join them on Friday..

Friday (23/1)
At 7 am in the morning I heard the sound of flaming I knew my neighbors started cooking, at 10 am I went to my neighbor's house with my little brother, and also took my camera, they welcomed us and quickly my brother started to play with their kids...
There was a huge pot, I think it's diameter is one meter or more, under it a big burner, they told me that the soup contain meat , different kind of beans, rice , chards, and they can also add spinach, it needs about 10 hours to be done, with continuous scrolling . the eldest woman aunt F said "each year we either cook Zain al Abdeen soup, or Hareesa, or Zardaa, it depends on the vow we make, sometimes we cook more than one kind, these ceremonies last for 50 days" I asked her about the time they go walking to karbala city and why they do it she said " after 40 days from the anniversary of Hussein's death, we go walking to karbala, to visit his shrine, and the story behind that is when the people in Syria came to visit the shrine ,Muawyia didn't allow them, so he cut their arms and legs, since that day people started to visit the shrine each year no matter how hard the circumstances can be", then I asked them about Qraya or as some people call it Latmeya, she said "it is also a tradition we have, each year we make Qraya, we invite all of the women we know, all the neighbors, even Christians, Sunnis, Subba etc, first we bring a girl dressing a white dress ,it represents Zain al abdeen's bride, and another wearing black represent the groom, and they sit on chairs around them candles and ace, with chocolates and desserts, that represents the wedding of zain al abdeen, then someone take the groom out that means (he was killed), then they blow of the candles and the solace starts".
I asked them about other traditions and they explained them to me, then their daughter M said "come on won't you participate in cooking?" I said "why not, I'd love to actually" It was fun to share them what they believe in , even my little brother helped.. it doesn't mean that people must agree to participate, I didn’t share them their traditions because I believe in what they are doing, no, but because I believe people must start to accept and respect each other's traditions. .. In this way people will realize that even if they have their own different traditions the society won't consider them different, love and respect will be among all the casts, just like what the Iraqi people do..
When I came back , my other neighbor visited us and we had coffee together.. then for lunch we ate delicious Tukka. In the afternoon we did some shopping in my favorite place Al Roubaee street, I had lots of fun, the buildings were awesome, and that gave me hope because months ago this street was burnt and destroyed but now it looks great, the owners fixed their shops and people started to go out ..

Saturday 24/1
We visited my mom's aunt, we had a good time there, she kept talking about her sons who left Baghdad, and her grandsons whom she misses a lot... it is so painful to see the Iraqi families dispersed, but I pray our loving ones will come back one day..

Sunday 25/1
We did some shopping, while we were in the market we met Baghdad dentist who was walking with his sister, we invited them to have coffee so we went home together, we had a nice time although he left quickly!
In the afternoon my mom's uncle and aunt visited us, each Sunday the family gathers and uncle who lives in USA calls us..
Monday 16/1
In the morning our friends visited us.. we had a good time..

Tuesday 27/1
In the morning another neighbor visited us with her 2 years old son, we had a great time, and in the afternoon we did some shopping!
At noon we went to our neighbor's house and had coffee with them, at noon we visited our relatives and I taught my mom's uncle how to use the internet, I kept repeating over and over and wrote all of the steps on a copybook so that uncle never forget them ..

Wednesday 28/1
We had a delicious lunch, we ate a famous Iraqi dish called Simach Mazkoof, it’s the Iraqi way to prepare fish..
In the afternoon we went to a playing yard, my brother and sister had a great time, the plays were really nice and the yard was crowded , it was great to see that people started to feel safe, go out and come home at 10 pm or so, because few months ago the situation wasn't good, people used to hide in their houses and don't go out except for necessary things ..
Thursday 29/1
We went to a nearby store to buy juice, and then we celebrated my 17th birthday I feel awesome, I hope I'll achieve many things this year, my biggest dream is to have a high par and go to the collage I like, and also publish a book, and I hope My country will be safe again and that god will continue to protect us ..
Now I am almost adult, but still I can't vote :D
Friday 30/1
We had lunch in a restaurant called Hassan, in al Jadreya street, it was really nice restaurant.
I must say even that Baghdad is safe, I was shocked from the flags that carry weird phrases , many women were wearing the Iranian mantle( abaya), some were Iranians as I think , they were white and tall!!. The Baghdadis in general have darker skin.
(The Iraqis who live in the north have a white skin, unlike the people who live in the east, middle, south, and west of Iraq who have a darker skin, however for me all Iraqis are handsome)

As you can see part of the restaurant was damaged because of the explosions..

Saturday 31/1
The election day, my grandparents went with the neighbors to vote, and in the evenings we invited our neighbors to have supper with us, we had a nice time..
What makes the Iraqi society great is that we share each other the good and hard times, educated people never pay attention to the casts or religions, because we are all Iraqis ,the neighbors who visited us were Shiites, Kurds, Christians and Armenians, and we are like one big family ..
My Armenian neighbor said " did you know that al Hakeem's yes-men arrested 350 guys so that they don't participate in the election neither their families?! My friend who's Sunni is hiding in our house , we thought it will be safer for him to stay with us, Badir's army took his laptop as well as 2000$ , thank god they didn’t kidnap him, his brother was killed a year ago, and his mother is in Syria now" In hard and good times, the Iraqi unite, you see when the situation become dangerous for a Sunnis for example the Shiites protect them, when the Christians were threatened the Muslims protected them and asked them to hide in their houses..

Many politicians forced people to choose them; some gave people blankets and other stuff if they swear to choose them!! Or they just threat people "if you participate in the elections we'll kill your sons"
Many people didn’t find their names in the elective centers, or their names were in distant centers!.
My grandparents and dad in Mosul had to go to 3 elective centers till they found their names, my grandparents insisted to walk no matter how far they have to walk, the people in Mosul were really afraid that the Kurds will take over Mosul, it would be a disaster , and I mean by that the Kurdish politicians who threatened the Christians..
Sunday 1/2
We visited our friends, we talked about the elections, and then their daughter in low came with her son who has autism syndrome, god be with her, he keep running and destroying everything he sees, the mother who has MSc in dentistry couldn’t tolerate anymore and started to cry a lot, my heart broke, in Iraq there isn't any experts that may help or even provide consultation.
at noon my mom's uncle and aunt visited us..
Monday 2/2
We did some shopping and I bought a really nice purse, then we had ice-cream in my favorite ice-cream shop called "Laymoona"
Also at that day my mom aunt's husband passed away because of the bad medical care in the Iraqi hospitals. he died after an angina attack, his family took him to three hospitals but their emergency units could not provide any aids because of the shortage in every thing, one oh the hospitals had no cable for certain apparatus!!!!!!!! …
Tuesday 3/2
We visited my dad's aunt in the morning to have coffee with them, and her 3 neighbors joined us, one of them will immigrate, she was talking about how hard it is to leave their house, but they must do so, all the neighbors felt extremely sad to know that she'll leave...
One of the things I love about neighbors in Iraq is, we are very close, in the mornings the neighbors have coffee together, without any formalities or affectations. if a neighbor is sick, everyday a neighbor cook for her or even do housework for her, neighbors go shopping together, my grandma says that she couldn't tolerate and get through the hard times without her neighbors, and my neighbor said to me" without your grandma I'd be dead now from sadness, I wouldn't tolerate living without my daughters and son without your grandma's support"..
In the evening we had dinner in our neighbor's house, we had a great time, and their son and I worked on computer..

Wednesday 4/2
In our last day in Baghdad, we didn't go out, but my mom's aunt visited us to say good bye, as well as our neighbors, we received guests till 10 pm!

On Thursday, we arrived mosul after 6 hours, the road was good ..

I didn't write about good events for long time, I am so glad I had good news to tell, yesterday I visited my friend, she is studying medicine, I didn't see her for 2 years! I had a great time..
I hope Mosul will be as safe as Baghdad, and I hope next time I visit Baghdad I'll find it as good as the past and even better, I want to see Baghdad not Tahran !!!
Sunshine ..

B.a.G.h.D.a.D

2009-01-27T21:44:00.000+03:00

I finished my exams last Wednesday; the teachers brought very hard questions, but did fine. I was planning to have 2 lectures everyday during the midyear holiday, but my grandparents, and everyone urged me to take a break, relax and spend the holiday in Baghdad, after I thought about it, I decided to take their advice, and have a break, I rally deserve one after 9 months of continuous studying so that I don't get bored later.
So in the first day of my holiday I traveled to Baghdad, the road was really good except the two hours we stopped before we reach Baghdad because of the crowded road as the cars must be inspected before we reach Baghdad gate..
I am having a pleasant time here, Baghdad is much safer than mosul, we can go out, wear what we love without fear, walk and enjoy the warm weather, I love Baghdad and I wish I can stay here forever!
I may not be able to write often, I have very limited spare time, each day we visit relatives or go shopping so I don't use the computer very often these days ..i feel extremely happy that I'll celebrate my 17th birthday In Baghdad, I feel so excited.
I can't wait till I write a new post, I have interesting things to tell you about..
With love
Sunshine

Last midyear exams in high school...

2009-01-09T11:46:00.004+03:00

Hello.
This week, the oral midyear examination started, I did well, and on Sunday the written exam will start. I pray the roads will be open, and also pray the weather will get warmer, many times I feel that I can't write or move my frozen figures!! However I decided to take oil with me to school for the heaters, and I hope my friends will do the same, otherwise we'll get sick and freeze specially many classrooms have no windows due to the continuous explosions .. Since the terrorists threatened to bomb more cars in the neighborhood, my dad and grandpa started to think about any possible way to make the house less dangerous for us, so they covered the majority of windows with wood, can you imagine how dark it became ?!! As we don't have electricity most of the time, and we have power from the generators in the afternoons only, I spend the mornings carrying my books and moving from one room to another in order to find which room is calmer and rather lightened, when my family members come to a room I can't concentrate because of the noise, so I try to find another place.. And when the weather is cloudy I feel upset and cloudy too.
Let's hope we'll have more hours of electricity, and the situation will be good so that we have our examinations in a normal environment.
Spring holiday will start on 21/1, I may not be able to use internet till that time..
Wish me luck, I'll need it!

Sunshine

Best wishes for 2009...

2008-12-31T22:05:00.005+03:00

Today we celebrated the New Year, we celebrated our safety and thanked god for his blesses.

2009 has come, I wonder how this year will be, no one knows but god, I certainly hope it will be peaceful for all Iraqis, I pray there will be no more killing, threats, and explosions .. I am optimistic about this year, although the condition around me and everything don't promise any improvement, but I prefer to have hope..

2008 had good and bad times, I'll always remember the good events, and hope time will heal the painful memories.

In this year I finished my book and signed the contract with the agency….I had many interviews the most exciting one was with BBC when General Patrias talked on air …. I got many many friends from different places round the world, friends who support me, and advice me, I feel so lucky to know all of them, I also encouraged my mom's colleague to create his own blog, and he became a great friend of mine, he always encourage me, support me, and hear my complains !!

I learnt a lot of lessons that will definitely help in my life, I learnt that I should not be too kind that some times people would use my kind heart to do them favors and then abandon me, I learnt that if people stab me in the back that means I am in the first place .. I became more religious I pray the 5 prayers everyday, I feel so thankful for god for protecting my family and myself everyday from the continuous shooting and explosions, it is priceless I can't thank God enough ..

In this year I didn't waste a moment without using it in the best way I could, I read many books, made many researches so I feel I have more knowledge than before, I learnt new hard made work, how to cook better, play the musical keyboard and discover another talent which is writing poems in Arabic, I also improved both of my English and French language, so YES I achieved my dreams and everything I planned for last year..

Another pleasing event that I will never ever forget is the trip to the north, I had the greatest days in my life there..

But 2008 wasn't an easy year at all, there were very devastating and sad events, losing people we love either they were killed or immigrated, I reached some point I lost the hope and became very depressed specially after the threats we got, and when the terrorists wanted to kill daddy, they were very dark days, I lived in a real nightmare and horror the whole time, it was so hard specially that I know how much my orphan friends suffer, thank god my dad is safe and alive, I realized how much I love him, what I faced made our relationship much better, he is a good father, may god protect him, protect my mom and all of the people I know ..

Loosing friends, relatives and neighbors assured me that no one knows what will happen in the future, people have plans for their lives and families, but god has another plan for them.. I realized that being a good person every day is the best thing I can offer to leave a good impression..

So my plans for 2009 is to continue what I am doing (blogging), study hard, I am determined to continue my study and get high marks, no matter how hard the situation, or how it seems impossible to concentrate despite everything, but I'll prove that "impossible is nothing" and continue going to school and work hard to go to a good collage, I haven't decide yet what I want to be in the future I like dentistry, pharmacy and engineering, I didn't make the final decision yet, also publishing my book is my other biggest dream..

I hope next year we'll celebrate new year with my aunt and grandparents, we used to have great times, I remember the old new years when we used to stay up late, play bingo and eat delicious food, I hope the good days will come back and we'll celebrate New year the same as before and also thank god for keeping us safe, healthy and for all of his blesses ..

Happy new year to all of you,

With love,

Sunshine

Out of breath..

2008-12-25T18:06:00.002+03:00

Hello friends, Merry Christmas, I wish you all the happiness and may your dreams come true..

I was surprised with the great reaction I got with my readers about "the shoe message" I got so many E-mails, some people agree, others disagree with Muntather . As for me I wouldn't throw my shoe to anyone, but I was glad to see Muntather doing this, Bush caused a lot of pain to us, because of his war the people we love got killed, injured or had to leave Iraq.. We keep writing, trying to change the situation but no one listen, no one care, the polities care about money and oil only. So it was Muntather's way to show the anger, and frustration..
As for being "friendly" with someone visits our country, I assure you, any one whether he's American or not visits Iraq as a friend, someone who didn't ruin our lives, will be more than welcomed and will find us ,the Iraqis, great hosts, there's no doubt about it. and if the situation will be good I'll be so happy to have my reads in my house..
Many people asked me about Muntather's cast, I only know he is AN IRAQI, and it won't make any difference if we know his cast, all Iraqis are brothers..
**************************************************
Last weekend I got very sick, I had very bad flu, I couldn't even leave my bed, I was feeling so dizzy and weak, and I had several asthma attacks, at night I laid down in my bed, it was very dark, there was no electricity in the neighborhood as usual, I could hear the soldiers talking and they shot few shots from time to time, the sound was high and scary and sudden.. I tried to sleep but I couldn't, my heart was beating really fast, I spent the whole night praying no mine or car bomb would explode, the situation is so bad in the neighborhood..
Next day I studied in my bed, I had two exams, biology and mathematics, I slept for two hours during the day, but I was awake the whole night, I suffered from insomnia for two nights.. In the next day I felt it was hard for me to stand, I was sleepy, dizzy, and sick!! but I had to go to school, while I was having my breakfast the driver called and said he couldn't come, the neighborhood was surrounded because there was an inspection. and the roads leads to the neighborhood were closed, I decided to go out of the neighborhood walking, then my dad suggested to go with two of my neighbors and their young sister, and take my sister with me to her school, because we heard the soldiers were allowing the students and teachers to leave their houses only, their dad drove slowly and tried to find a way out of the neighborhood, we tried different streets, and sub-streets but they were all closed , we wanted to go back home but the soldiers were shooting anyone drive, or walk !!! so we knocked a door of stranger's house and asked them to keep the car in their garage, my mom called me and said "STAY IN THE STREET TILL I CALL YOU, THE SOLDIERS ARE SHOOTING AT ANYONE WALKS IN THE STREET" my dad talked to an Iraqi soldier and explained to him the situation, the soldier agreed to allow me and the two little girls (who are 11 years old) to walk only, but my neighbors couldn't come with us, the soldiers didn't allow the guys to walk, I wasn't only scared I was actually shaking !.
The soldiers shot few shots whenever someone walked near by, and they made my neighbors (the guys) sit on their knees and take off their jackets, they were inspected many times, but they weren't allowed to walk at first..
Imagine, many soldiers with their vehicles and weapons, and I was walking with two girls, feeling responsible for their safety while I couldn't insure mine, suddenly an explosion happened it wasn't very loud, probably in a near by neighborhood, but my sister was scared and started to run in different directions, my bag was ripped and I fell on the street while I was trying to catch her and ask her to keep quiet.. When I came to our house, my grandma and dad were waiting for me in the garage with many Iraqi soldiers, they all felt worry about us, a soldier noticed me first he said to grandma "AUNT LOOK, THE GIRLS CAME"
I told him "it is the last time I go to school if the neighborhood is surrounded, I swear"
I could barely take a breath when I came home as I was walking so fast and under pressure..
Keep praying,
Sunshine..
Btw, we decided to stay in the neighborhood, because if we leave the house terrorists may occupy it, or soldiers may stay in it..

Shoe message ..

2008-12-19T16:34:00.003+03:00

In this week we had lots of homework and exams, as we started to take 8 classes a day instead of 7, I go to school at 7:15 and reach home at 2:30 feeling so tired, then have a nap and study till bed time.
The same routine day after day, but this week something happened and changed my daily routine , became everyone's talk, in school, work, house, streets, markets, hospitals, wherever you go you hear people talking about the same subject!
On 14/12 (Sunday), I was studying biology at night, and mama told me "do you know that an Iraqi journalist hit Bush with his shoe?" I thought she was joking, and finished my homework..
Next day I went to school and found everyone talking about this event, and my friend showed me a video in her mobile, I kept laughing, just then I realized my mom was serious!
Muntathar al Zaidi, is 28 years old Iraqi living in Baghdad, he is the brave journalist who throw his shoes with his heart set on fire and said "this is the good bye kiss this is the revenge of all Iraqis"
Muntathar became a national hero, he didn't fear to speak up his mind, he expressed not only his anger but the anger and frustrated feeling for all of all Iraqis.
I pray he'll be released, and no one will hurt him anymore..
I don't find what he did strange thing after all horrible events he witnessed as a journalist, after seeing the injured and killed innocents in streets, or after he met the Iraqis who lost their houses or families and other tragic stories ..
When Bush said "it represent his only opinion, but I am sure it don't represent all Iraqis' feelings" all Iraqis proved the opposite by gathering in the streets carrying big signs, saying poems, and supporting Muntathar in every way they can ..
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Today my mom told me that we may leave our house, and rent another one until the situation gets better, because life in my neighborhood is so hard, it looks like ghost's neighborhood.
We haven't decide yet where to go or when, we may have to leave our house for few weeks, few months, a year or maybe two, we don't know ..
We'll have to take the necessary things only, and leave our big, lovely house behind..
I can't imagine myself living in another house, but if it is safer for myself and my family members, I'll do it anyway, even If I have to leave my room, internet, and stuff, it will be hard not to study in my own room or sleeping in my own bed.
I was hoping that this Academic year will be calm and I'll concentrate in studying, but it seems impossible to do that in Iraq!!
If we'll leave our house, terrorists may occupy it or steal it!! It is such a hard decision to make..
Even if we'll leave our house, I'll take my laptop with me and write my diary there, and publish it whenever I can..
Keep praying for us please
Sunshine

No more tears left...

2008-12-12T22:32:00.001+03:00

Hello friends, last week I didn't write a post, I thought it would be better to write a post after Eid ends so that I may have something joyful to talk about! As my week before Eid wasn't fantastic!.
The Week before Eid, I had tons of exams and homework, the situation wasn't good, one day in school we were in a chemistry class, and a teacher came and said "very calmly, I want you to open the windows, close the curtains and stay near the walls, there's a mine near the school"!!!! We all gathered in one place, and we had three classes under this situation and a physics exam as well (although I couldn't concentrate well, I took 100% it is a miracle!), thank god the mine didn't explode..
in the next day, we were having a biology class and a teacher came and said "girls, like yesterday, I want you to open the windows and stay away, there may be a car bomb this time, but do not panic" well, I felt really worried the car bomb make damages more than mines, we kept hearing shooting from time to time, After an hour of waiting the teacher came and said "it wasn't a car bomb, a man parked his car in the wrong place only" what an irresponsible man!.
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Eid was on Monday, first I felt like I didn't want to celebrate Eid, because my grandparents, aunt and many people I love are not around me, then I decided to try to celebrate with what I have, and accept the situation we live in.
In the first day of Eid, I wore my new clothes congratulate my family, then we had a family meeting in my dad uncle's house .. we had lunch their, and at about 4 pm we came home.. it was good to see my relatives .. We talked about life in general and we spent long time calling our relatives abroad.

One of the traditions in Eid al Adhaa is to buy cows, or muttons, and so on, and allocate their meat to the paupers who can not offer money to buy meat (oblation)..
In the next day of Eid, my relative visited us a very quick visit (for about 30 minutes!!) I didn't see her for really long time and I missed her a lot, then at noon we visited my grandma's uncle who came from Baghdad in a visit to Mosul , I wish I didn't go there, first their neighbors visited them, and everyone was talking about how bad the situation is, and their neighbors talked about how a terrorist hide in their empty house at night once, and how the terrorist ran away when he saw the neighbors coming to check the house at 12 am ! ..
After hearing all the unpleasant stories, the neighbors left, everyone was talking about the situation , then about our relatives abroad , suddenly uncle started to cry and said "I asked my son" A" to leave Iraq many times, but he didn't listen to me"
"A' was a 25 years old gentleman, he was a new husband and a father or few weeks old baby when he got killed, this tragedy happened 2 years ago. The mother's heart is on fire, how can she celebrate Eid without her youngest son? How hard is it for her to see her grandson growing up without a father, or her daughter-in-law being a widow after only one year of marriage, can you imagine the feeling of the young widow when she lost her soul mate, her lover and husband?
You may heard a number of victims in news at that time or may be not, but the fact is what you hear in news is not just a number, at that day a family's life turned up side down, a father, son, and a husband taken away from his family, leaving unforgotten pain. When uncle and aunt was crying, it was so hard for me to act bravely, or hide my emotions, I tried so hard but I failed, I couldn't tolerate, I just needed to cry, and I couldn't stop, there's nothing in the world more painful than seeing someone crying with pain because of loosing someone close and dear specially in this savage way..
Uncle said while he was crying "A felt that he will die as a martyr, because the terrorists were killing the good young men, and "A" used to help the people who lost their houses due to explosions, and all what he cared about was how he could offer more help to people in need " his parents kept talking about "A", his wife and kid, and how a great guy he was, and I kept crying till my eyes and face became red, and felt like I had no more tears left!.
I wanted to go out side and scream until the politicians hear me and find a solution for this mess; our life is unbearable, no matter how I try not to think about how dangerous the situation is and convince myself that everything will be ok, I can't...
In the third day of Eid, we stayed home (we have no one to visit!!!) I felt really upset and remembered Eid before, how we use to celebrate with the people we love and how pleasant times we spent, it was my favorite time in the year..
In this Eid I realized how much do I miss my relatives and friends, I used to say "four days are not enough to celebrate Eid with everyone we know" now I feel two days are more than enough", each Eid our relatives decrease in number..
I spent the morning and noon crying without stop, first I tried to hold my tears then I gave up, I thought it would be better to cry and may be feel better after that..
In the fourth day of Eid, I decided to study physics, at about 11 am, visitors visited us, and I went jumping and running saying "MAMA YOU WON'T BELIEVE WE HAVE VISITORS" within 5 minutes I wore my new clothes, combed my hair while I was singing! I didn't think any one would dare to come to our scary neighborhood!
My grandpa's friend visited us with his family, they came from Bahsheeks, we had a good time although they stayed for very short time..
Then my mom suggested to go to my grandpa friend's farm, when I arrived there were tens of farmers who came hugging me!! Although I didn't remember any of them but they said they remembered me when I was child, my mom and I walked near the river, but the weather was so cold, so we returned home..
I'll have many exams this week, wish me luck..
Eid mubarak for everyone, specially the Muslims, may Iraq return peaceful, so that Iraqis come back home, and we start to celebrate Eid and all occasions just like what we used to before war..
With love,
Sunshine

Alive with dead spirit..

2008-11-28T21:09:00.006+03:00

Dear friends .. It has been unbelievably hard week, I was about to loose control of my study and mind ! .. Last weekend, I was planning to write a shared post with Baghdad dentist, we were chatting at noon, and a dreadful explosion happened, it was the loudest one I've ever heard, I put the laptop a side and ran to my sister who was creaming "something hit my head" she was actually under the curtain I carried her she was unable to stand and crying, I started to cry then both of us fall and I carried her again and reached the corridor almost crawling! suddenly she fainted I got panicked, I sat on the floor and started to examine her head and neck to see if she fainted because of an injury, my dad was taking a shower at that time, and my neighbor was in our house , dad kicked the door several times till the door was opened (because of the blast dad couldn't open the door easily), he came up running and yelling " are you ok? " We were unable to go to the kitchen to bring her water because of the heavy shooting and random bullets, grandma brought water from the nearby bathroom, showered her on her face and finally my sister woke up I kept hugging her, I was so afraid, but she's well expect small scratches on her arm caused by the glass.. My neighbor left our home quickly while the bullets were falling everywhere likes rain, because her old mom was home alone. We spend the first hour looking at our house and possessions feeling strongly thankful for being alive, and extremely in pain to see the house we love damaged like that, we kept thanking god for saving us, when I started to walk in the house and see what has happened, I stated to shake, I was thinking if we were in other places of the house, we would be injured now, or even not alive, but then I started to think reasonably and said "what hits me wasn't suppose to miss me, and what misses me wasn't suppose to hit me", I have faith in god, and I know he is watching and saving us, that's why I feel positive even in the hardest times, and I know everyone will face his/her destiny no matter what, but even though I sometimes almost loose hope and my optimizing spirit .. Anyway, we started to clean and fix the house, at 11 pm I was unable to stand, we all slept in one room, freezing, afraid, and upset of course, but feeling grateful for being alive.. In the next day I woke up early to participate in fixing the house, also my relatives came to help, I had two lectures couldn't postponed them because we didn't have mobile phone services at all, my teacher tried to teach me, but I wasn't concentrating well, I was so tired beside the hammer and drill sounds, it was so hard to hear each other, I reached a point that I was going to cry, what should I do? I am doing my best to concentrate and study well, but the hard circumstances I face makes it so hard if not impossible to do so.. When the lecture was over, and the teacher was leaving, I tried to open the door for her but if was locked, I tried several times, then started to kick it, but it didn't work !! both of my teacher and I started to kick it but the blast caused a huge warp!! My mom went from the other side pushed it and it was finally opened!! Although my mom asked me not to help them and study but I couldn't, first there was so much noise, and secondly I wasn't in a good mood to study well!! Many relatives visited us, they couldn't believe that we are safe !! At noon my other teacher arrived I opened the door carrying a broom! .. at that night I couldn't sleep, I suffered from insomnia, and I had a lecture at 8 am ! But I actually did well!!! On Sunday I went to school without studying anything although I had two exams, and tons of homework (I didn't do well), but I took the Monday off , I had to postponed two exams , and stayed home to do my past days homework... We spent 5 days fixing the house, and then the terrorists informed the neighbors not to fix the houses as there'll be another explosion, I felt so mad, what drove my crazy was to know the terrorist who caused the explosion didn’t get killed!! This explosions destroyed many houses, killed 6 people, and injured at least 36, some of the neighbors are staying in the emergency room, I hope they'll recover.. I'll leave you with the pictures now:

the windows' glass ruined our new curtains

my sister kept crying when her favorite toy was broken !

the house was in such a messI pray we'll have a peaceful life, and free country, I also hope that the terrorists won't cause another explosion…
Sunshine

Over the barbwires..

2008-11-15T16:57:00.000+03:00

Hello friends, I didn't write for awhile I have been so busy with school..
School is fine, I am studying well, my marks are not as high as I expected, but they are good, the teachers' policy in my school is to give us low marks to make us study more and take high marks in the ministerial examinations which will be next June.. I think my only problem in school is physics, our teacher in school is not good.. and the private teacher gives us so much information in the lecture we asked him to slow down but he refuse to do so, he used to explain so well, but after he got his money in advance, he changed, I'll also study on my own and pray I will get high marks .
The situation is still not good at all, we keep hearing explosions and shooting the whole time, beside threats and murders ..
Last week, I was in my way to school, the street was terribly crowded, the driver switched the car off and waited , after about 40 minutes or so, a man said the street is closed. hardly we could find a way out and we started to search for an opened sub-street, but we couldn't ! the driver taught me which streets to walk in till we reach the school (as I am the eldest one), the younger girls and I started to walk, we passed over barbed wires !!, while we were talking suddenly a soldier turned with his gun-machine, there were only the soldiers, and us ! we stopped, I didn't know what to say because I wasn't sure if the soldier was Iraqi or American then another soldier allowed us to walk, my heart was beating fast ! because the streets were empty, there were armed soldiers, and we were only 4 teenager girls ! and the other reason that concerned me is I felt that I am responsible for the other younger girls, I was catching their arms lightly!.
We reached school exhausted, many students couldn't attend school, we didn't know what's best to do, stay in school or go home! in the break time, my friend and I were talking and suddenly a loud explosion happened the windows were hastily opened, followed by heavy shooting, my class mates and other students ran to the classroom, we didn't know what to do, if we stay inside the class another explosion may happen and the windows glass may harm us, If we go out bullets would hit us too, because they were falling in the school yard . we gathered behind the walls, my friend said " I need to sit, I can't stand" she sat on the floor!! Her legs failed her..
The students got panicked, they were running everywhere, the teachers did their best to control the situation but it was hard to calm down about 1000 panicked girls !!! at that day shooting also happened near another school the bullets killed a student and injured another..
You don't know who'll be the next victim, it is so scary to live each day wondering if you and your family will be ok, it tires me, sometimes I can't control myself and start to cry and cry because I can't ensure my families safety, I don't worry about myself as much as I do about my family, I pray for them at day and night.. whenever I see my orphan friends I pray for god to save my parents and family members.. I want nothing from this world but seeing my country safe ..
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last week, I met a girl from another school and she told me that the US soldiers visited their school, and talked with them.. she said " when the soldier asked us how we are doing and if we need anything, first we didn't say a word we only exchanged looks, then a girl stood up (she had a bad day) and said in Arabic that she wishes if they leave, the translator refused to translate, but she repeated her sentence in English, we decided to talk ourselves in English too, a girl stood up and said " yes we want one thing, we want you to leave our country" the soldier didn't reply anything, he was shocked, then another girl said "we want electricity to be able to study, we didn't have electricity for two week" and my friend M said "we don't want you to make curfews and close the roads, we want to be able to come to school everyday and don't miss classes" another girl interrupted her and said " even if you'll make curfew at least allow us to go out of our neighborhoods walking and don't shoot towards us " "
I admire their courage, just think how hard situation it was, when teenager girls stood and faced armed soldiers, they were definitely feeling worry, pain, and scared, but in the same time they needed to express themselves and talk .. The Iraqis girls faced very hard situation but even though everyday they pray for a better tomorrow, and smile, they have faith, bravery, and a great tolerance..
Sunshine

Sunshine in rainy days ..

2008-10-31T21:01:00.001+03:00

Hello friends
The sixth grade is my last and most important year in high school, since the academic year started till now I have continuous fear of something bad happens and disturbs my study like what happened last year, and the year before, there were too hard circumstances that didn't allow me to concentrate 100%..
I am studying well and doing my best, I give myself homework and study Arabic alone!! I'll even examine myself .. the teacher don't explain, beside she spend the whole time annoying us by saying " I won't teach you well, so take private lessons and if you don't have money I'll pay for you" or " there's nothing you can do to have miss S back" etc .. all of the problems that happened were because one hypocrite girl who ruined everything because of her selfishness, and jealousy, when we knew that she was behind not having miss S back, we faced her, but she couldn't face us and went to another class (everyone felt happy when she moved) now there won't be any arguments in my class anymore !!! I
Each day I study for 5 hours, and I feel confidence in myself that I can achieve my goal (god willing), as long as my parents and everyone I know is praying for me, and I am doing a good job so far, in holidays I spent Thursday from 5 pm till I go to bed resting and doing things I like, but I study in Friday and Thursday from 8 am till the evening .. .
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In my previous post, I talked about what happened to the Christians in Mosul, the most peaceful and honest caste, the situation didn't get better, but many had to come back, they couldn't stay in the tends anymore, my friends started to attend school again, it was great to have them back, when they came to school their friends ran and hugged them just like they didn't see them for ages.. I still feel so worried about everyone I know especially the Christians, I wake up thinking about them, have lunch wondering if they have enough food, sleep thinking if they have blankets or beds to sleep on ..
My friend contacted our friend's father who is a very respectful and educated man he said he just want to come back even if it is dangerous, his kids must go to school, and they can't tolerate sleeping in a small tent while they own a lovely house .. I felt shudder , and upset to know my friend in going through such hard circumstances.. also I feel powerless because we (the Muslims) couldn't protect them, we can't even protect ourselves, it is not in our hand, and the government didn't take any serious reaction ..
The last two orders that our prophet gave before he died were to be kind with women and to protect and treat the Christians the best way, because they supported the prophet and protected him with his followers, we own them forever otherwise it will consider a discrepant for his will..
Mosul citizens helped as much as they could, by raising amounts of money, bought food, matrixes, and necessary things and took them to villages where their friends and neighbors were staying, it is not a charity or so, it is our job to help each other, and support each other, I wish I'll wake up tomorrow and find everything good, no more battles, killing and threatening..
Sunshine.

Unbearable ..

2008-10-21T21:03:00.004+03:00

Hello friends, it has been such a crazy chaotic week .. too many things happened, when I look back at my week I say "oh god I went through all of that?!!!!"
this week I was so busy with school, I had so much homework, also there were problems in school with a teacher, we want to have a different Arabic teacher, we have such a great teacher in school who taught the 6th grade for over than 28 years, and we want her to teach us this year instead of the teacher we have now who explains in a wrong way !!! .
beside being busy with school, and homework, this week was really bad, the situation became unbearable, the terrorists killed many Christians, and bombed their houses for no reason but trying to separate us from each other (which won't happen, our hearts are with the Christians in Mosul, we are praying for them continuously), many families left their city, and went to country side, I am so worried about all Christians I know, my neighbors, teachers, and friends, my best friend in the whole world is Christian, I don't know what will happen to me if terrorists hurts her or her family, I hope she'll remain safe, I pray for her and all Iraqis every single day..
I can't imagine that my neighbors, friends, and teachers who taught me for years, in kindergarten, primary and secondary were forced to leave and that they are living in the villages or churches, I heard that my favorite teacher is living in the tent, with her family and kids who left school, such a respectful loving and caring woman who taught generations for over than 30 years shouldn't live in a tent and be treated this way, nor the other Christians ..
What the hell the government is waiting for? 2000 families left Mosul last week, the terrorists are everywhere killing and threatening innocent Iraqis who belong to different religions and casts,.. we want a solution and we want it NOW ..
Few days ago, I came home tired from everything going on, the situation and school, I decided to take a nap before studying, I was falling asleep when something happened and I wasn't sure what was it at that time, my mom (half asleep) caught me from my arm and shouted without thinking "go to the kitchen" (she thought my brother was there) both of us ran to the kitchen but my brother wasn't there, she said "no run downstairs, to your brother" he was shouting and crying "mammy" I ran (half asleep) shoeless I was walking over things, dust and thick dark smoke filled the whole house (and still I didn't realize what happened!!), when I reached the last step in the stairs, I saw the living room in such horrible situation and damaged , just then my brain started working again and I realized it was big and close explosion ! I carried my brother who was shaking, shouting loud and standing in the corridor, then I felt that my legs failed me and I sat on the floor feeling dizzy trying to understand what had happened.
I heard my neighbors shouting and running in the street, my grandpa went out side to see what happened and heavy shooting started, grandpa (without thinking) drag my neighbor from his arm to avoid the gun-shots .. at that time my neighbor was in his way to his brothers' empty house to check it and see if it was damaged in a previous explosion happened earlier (my neighbor was threatened ,and left iraq with his family).
After few minutes another explosion happened, with tears on my brother's check he looked at me and said " you are a liar you said there won't be explosions any more" I couldn't answer, but I hugged him..
There were a lot of noise and shouts in the neighborhood, not everyone was lucky like my family and I, people died and others injured, one of my neighbors who is a new bride was injured badly in her face and neck, why should such a beautiful young lady live with scars in her face?? Oh god, your mercy, when will we have a peaceful life? I want to stop worrying and start living .. I missed school for one day, I stayed to help fixing the house, my brother went to grandpa while he was talking the man who'll make new windows for us and said "TELL HIM TO BRING BETTER WINDOWS THIS TIME SO THAT WHEN EXPLOSIONS HAPPEN NEXT TIME THEY DON'T BRAKE ,OK? my grandpa who's 70 years old cleaning and fixing the house
my grandma who's 63 years old cleaning ..
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This week I had my eyes examined , I went with grandpa , dad and sister (my vision is good, and I am still making exercises), anyway, we were walking when grandpa's friend stop us to say hi .. I was looking around and a strange thing caught my sight..
There were about 6 or 7 men standing in the corner selling books, they frightened me so much, the way they looked and their clothes style made me suspicious, the only thing that came to my mind was "terrorists" because why would 7 men sell few books? One man could do it !! beside I can tell from the way they looked (and god knows, maybe they are good but I don't think so :D), I didn't give attention and turned to grandpa's friend who asked me about my news .. but the whole time I kept praying nothing bad will happen and my grandpa's friend leave us so that we leave quickly, my dad, sister , grandpa, and his friend were talking and laughing and didn't notice those men's' presence. my sister was standing behind me she saw a cute baby and was waving to him so that he pay her attention! I drag her from her arm and asked her to stay between me and dad, because one of those men was looking at me and my sister with scorn and humiliation, he was looking deep into my eyes with a killing evil look made me terrified, his eyes were red, I'll never forget the feeling I felt at that time, I was praying I wont be kidnapped ..
It upsets me to see such people walking in our streets while the politicians are too busy to work seriously and provide security .
I hope things will get better I pray for that every single day from the bottom of my heart …
Sunshine .
P.s the explosion was only 50 meters away from our house !!!

Compendious diary...

2008-10-09T22:08:00.001+03:00

My grandparents came to Mosul two days before Eid started, it was so great to see them again, I missed them a lot..
In the last day of Ramadan we celebrated my grandma's birthday , I made turkey and salad and we bought a cake, we had fun.
The first day of Eid was on Tuesday, we had a big family meeting in our eldest uncle's house, we didn't see many of them since last Eid (about a year ago), since the war started we couldn’t see each other except in occasions, we took a lot of pics , had lunch together, then other relatives came (my grandpa's cousins with their families) and we also had a lovely time .. .
In the second day of Eid we didn't know where to go, since the war started our relatives and friends left Iraq one after another, so we went to a shop, ate ice cream and then came home. In the third day of Eid we had lunch in another uncle's house, the food was delicious .
on Saturday we decided to go to Dhook, one of the Iraqi cities in the northern part of Iraq, it is safe, nice, and the nature is great there, we went with two other relative families, when we reached the gate, the soldiers said "you are not allowed to enter Dhook ! unless you bring a Kurdish guy as a warrantor " in the check point we saw another relative, he was also waiting for his Kurdish friend to come and let him in, while dad and his cousin were chatting near the car and waiting the Kurdish man, a soldier pushed my dad towards the car and shouted at him "go back now", thank god my dad didn't give him a blow on his face, dad came back with angry flushed face .mom said "lets go to the casino and have lunch in Mosul". Although my dad's cousin brought two Kurdish men (and one of them was an officer) they weren't allowed to enter !!!
it is ridiculous and humiliating, we can't even visit the other Iraqi cities can you believe that??!!! is this freedom?! and why Kurds are wandering in Mosul freely?!!!. we are all Iraqis as far as I know!!.

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we invited our relatives (my dad's uncle with his family) to have lunch in our house few days ago, our uncle came with his family at time, but his married daughter came late, when she reached our home she was pale and her voice was shaky, her husband ( he is a doctor)drove his car hastily without getting in to say hi, as soon as she reached our house she gave her baby sons to her sister and brother, I felt like she couldn't stand! she said "my husband just got a phone call , his uncles and cousins were shot by an armed men, while they were in a relative funeral, and he'll go to the hospital now with my brothers in law". it was a shocking news for all, oh, god Her husband's family were in the hospital and she didn't know if they were alive or not, she was also worried that those terrorists would go to the hospital and shoot them again.
Later, her husband called and said 4 of his relatives died, and that his cousin is dying "a matter of few hours, there's no chance for him to survive " he said .. he added that 6 bullets hit his grandpa and his other 5 relatives were also injured..
It is horrible, and devastating, 5 relatives died, and 6 relatives were staying in the emergency room..
The situation is not getting better at all, everyday is worse than the day before, specially in Mosul .
Now in Mosul the threaten was directed to the Christians, either they immigrate or get killed, I feel so worried about my friends, neighbors and everyone I know, the terrorists kill the innocent Iraqis and the government is watching.
Oh my god, everyday I hate the war more and more, it is the most horrible thing that happened to us, I don't know if we'll ever live in peace. The whole condition tense me, because it makes everything hard, even going to school or studying, we can't have a normal day without blood, or bad news..
School started last Monday, it is the most important year in my life, and I need to feel safe and comfortable to be able to concentrate since I am emotional. .I'll work hard, try to concentrate in spite of everything, keep calm and live each day without thinking about the next or past day.. as the situation is getting worse by time, our teachers are giving us extra homework and lessons so that we finish the curriculum quickly, they always tell us "a curfew may start in every minute and last for weeks".. our teachers in school for this year are not good, I must depend on myself 100%. ..
We need your prayers,
Sunshine

Another Ramadan without spirit ..

2008-09-24T14:23:00.001+03:00

Hello friends.. I couldn’t publish a post for a while I was busy with my book, it is done now and was edited three times, we also signed the contract with the agent, I hope we’ll find a publisher so that my voice will be heard more in the world, and more people will know the truth about our life in a war zone, our sufferings, the good and bad events, our traditions and life style before and after war ..
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Ramadan changed since the war began, or I can say lost its old spirit, just like everything else in our life . .
People here desperately want the old days back, even if they have to lie at themselves and pretend everything will be ok . people started to go to the markets in the evenings, I can't believe it, it is crazy! If we don’t have security during the day, how can they guaranty their safety during night? in the dark streets?? !!!!!! and we also have curfew !!! beside the terrorists won’t allow this situation to continue they’ll terrorize people and force them to stay home.

And that's exactly what happened terrorists bombed car bombs and mines in the markets, and many people were killed while they were shopping preparing for Eid.
I was hoping that Ramadan will bring peace, but it didn’t, the kidnapping is more now, specially for teenage girls, which makes me feel terrified and worry a lot whenever I leave the house to attend a class.
few days ago I reached home at 4 pm, feeling so tired I throw my books on the bed and went to wash my face with cold water, I heard sound of shouts and yelling, I thought the teenage boys in the neighborhood fought with each other , but it appeared that terrorists kidnapped a man in front of our house, they were armed and no one could say a word or defend him, and what makes me really mad is soldiers were one street away, didn’t they hear the noise? Or it is not their job ?!!!
I felt so afraid because the terrorists were already there when I reached home! Thank god because if I came 5 minutes later I’d witness the kidnapping!
I don’t know when we’ll have a peaceful life...

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Few days ago I saw an interview with the minister of electricity, the interviewer asked him about the lack of electricity and told him how people feel frustrated because of that. He replied “the lack of electricity started two weeks ago .”
I said “WHAT ???!!!! TWO WEEKS? “ Oh my god what a liar?! What about all nights I stayed up studying in the dark carrying a book in a hand and a torch in another? What about all hot summer nights that I couldn’t sleep in when we didn’t have electricity and the humidity was high ?? what about all the nights I froze in winter and couldn't feel my feet. What about the icy water in winter?…. …
We live in darkness, prepare food on torch lights, study, take showers, pray, clean, etc, life without electricity is unbearable, the last thing we need is someone say “their was electricity till the last two weeks”
I wish one day I’ll wake up and hear we got a new honest government..
Sunshine…
Note : my grandparents will come to Mosul to spend Eid with us, i didn't see them for about a year and I can't wait till I give them a huge hug.
And school will start on the fifth of October , I hope I'll be able to go to school easily, and have electricity to study, and the most important thing I pray that the situation will get better so that I can finally concentrate and think about studying only, I'll definitely do the best I can, it'll be my last year in high school :D I am excited…and I'll keep in mind there's difference between being the best and being the best I can so that I don't exhaust myself and effect my eyes and health..

Blessed Ramadan ...

2008-09-04T14:17:00.003+03:00

Ramadan Kareem , may this month be full of peace and blesses, Ramadan is very special month, we don’t eat nor drink anything since dawn (at about 4 am) till sunrise (at 7 pm) , to feel the poor people’s feeling who can’t offered money to buy food, and to feel the blesses we have, it’s the forgiveness and bounteous month...
pregnant women, or who breast-feed, the sick, the children, the old people, people who are traveling don’t have to fast, and their are many other excuses not to fast… but people who has a good health have to fast …
In Ramadan all the family members gather at 7 pm to have al Futur, everyone cooperate and prepare the banquet, Muslims in this month must show good manners, helping people, reading quran, praying more than any month else…
Ramadan won’t be like the past for many families who lost family members in war, everyday they’ll miss them more , specially when they have al Futur without them, it is so hard, and I pray they’ll get through that..
My plans for this Ramadan to read the whole Quran, and pray all prayers at their exact time (4 am, 12 noon, 4 pm, 7 pm, 8 pm), helping more people and allocating money for the poor people like what I do every Ramadan and whenever I get the chance to do so, and study well..
the prayers are heard in Ramadan , All Iraqis are praying to have a peaceful life without violence and killing, may god hear our prayers and respond it …
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two weeks ago I had party in my house, I invited 10 best friends of mine, 6 of them came which is great .
My friends can’t come to my neighborhood it is too dangerous and too scary, when you enter it you feel like you are in the ghosts neighborhood or death neighborhood beside the roads are closed ..
The party started at 4 pm and ended at 6:30 pm , we had a good time, danced, laughed and talked a lot .. we needed to have a good time and celebrate before Ramadan and school start ..
At night I was exhausted, everything was perfect, and the party was awesome, I went to bed at 11 pm, I spelt for 3 house and then woke up, I was sweating and it was hard to take a breath, I was so tired but I couldn’t sleep because of the VERY hot weather, at last I started to cry, I couldn’t sleep well for many nights, and I need to concentrate in my classes, at 8 am I dragged my self and attended my physics class, with sleepy eyes and yawing ! I couldn’t understand a word , as soon as I reached home I slept for 5 hours !! the electricity is horrible as usual .. ….
I hope that this month their won’t be any explosion no one will get killed or kidnapped and we’ll only hear good news, I pray for that ….
Sunshine…

Wedding without groom !!!!

2008-08-09T21:12:00.000+03:00

It was very busy day, I had a physics lesson in the morning, when the class was over I came home quickly, had lunch changed my clothes and attended mathematics lesson and then went to a wedding party !!!! I had to pass the bridge 5 times, my lectures and the wedding party were in different and far neighborhoods, I reached the party at 5:15 (but it started at 3:30 !!!!).. I couldn’t miss the class, my study gets the priority, although I prefer to attend parties than boring long lessons hehehe ..
The party was absolutely awesome, I had soooo much fun, I can’t even express that in words, I really needed to spend good time ..
There I saw many of my friends I didn’t expect to see them., I also met my teacher who taught me in the 3ed class primary school, it was very good opportunity I was so happy to see her and everybody ..
The wedding was for a famous, respectful, educated family in Mosul .they are also very close friends of my family. the groom, his sister, mom and dad are doctors.
I had the best time ever with the groom’s sister she is in my age , we kept dancing and dancing I really didn’t want this party to end at all , but it was over at 6:30 pm !!!! at that time I was unable to feel my legs hehe.
The bride looked gorgeous, everything was fabulous, her makeup and wedding dress, the only missing thing was the groom ..
YES,The groom couldn’t come !! he’s a Dr. and lives in London it’s not safe for him to come to Iraq (if he comes terrorists may kidnap him).. I can’t believe how hard it is … having your wedding party without the person who has your heart, adore you, and will share your life, the bride will go home alone, and wait till she get the visa and finally meet her husband who was away for long time… the wedding party was like goodbye party for her family and friends..
I wish the situation will get better, and all the lovers meet each other again.. the beginning of this week was good, that made me feel optimistic, I hope the whole week will be good and safe ..
Sunshine

My Sumerian blood... My frustrated feeling...

2008-08-05T18:39:00.001+03:00

I didn’t write for a long time, because I don’t have anything new or good to write about, the same killing routine day after day, and I didn’t know what to write about ( I had no inspiration) !! I believe that if you want to have a good life create a good one, but the problem is the condition around me make it impossible to live normally, everything in Iraq is really hard ..
Today I studied for about 3 hours in hot weather and prepared my homework, when I was ready to go to my teacher’s house, my driver called saying the roads and the bridge are closed and he can’t come, so I called another driver lives nearby who came quickly, we spent an hour trying to find one open road but we failed, I was so angry, I came home and told my mom I’ll go walking but she didn’t allow me and said “ I am not insane to allow my teenage daughter to walk under the sun at 2 pm in August in such hot weather ,beside it is too dangerous” grandpa and grandma offered to take me and try to find an open road, and again we couldn’t find one and came back home .
I am frustrated all I want is a safe and open road so that I can go to school or private lessons like all students in the whole world, be a good citizen and rebuild the country I love, I am doing my best to make my life seems normal, and try to go to my teacher’s houses no matter how far they live and how serious the situation is, but sometimes I feel that I can’t, I just want a rest, because I can’t take it any longer ..
School and studying are not so much fun for all of the students right? well add to that spending hours in order to reach!!! hearing gun-fire and explosions in your way, And seeing horrible views in your way to school such as armed men, dead people etc, sometimes I feel it is amazing how I can tolerate that..
I see on TV. and internet, talk with people abroad and wonder, we are all human beings have feelings, strength and have the same needs, why do Iraqis have to suffer that much and have that pain in side their hearts? While other people don’t get through 1% of what we are going through .. they have a good life without war and all that mess.
My friend’s brother went to Turkey and when he came back he said to me “ I feel so angry, Iraqis are also human beings, why do we have such different lives?” instead of having fun he came back frustrated, he said people treat Arabs and Iraqis is such humiliating way..
You can’t imagine the feeling when you are not welcomed in any country, and that people look down at you when you have no guilt, and no matter how much I write and tell you, you can’t understand how it feels like when you are humiliated in your own country as well as out of it…..
Two days ago my family and I arrived home, dad was opining the garage’s door and tanks came by they started to wave and pressing horns at us to go away, I felt so angry because the car is in front of OUR OWN garage in OUR OWN neighborhood, grandma went out of the car quickly but I couldn’t move I don’t know why I felt like someone tied me and I couldn’t get out and at once I remember our relative’s neighbors, their dad and mom were opening the garage’s door and the family members were in the car, they didn’t notice the tanks and unfortunately the soldiers shot them, their mom died and her two kids were injured, but the dad is alive, we have an aphorism says “it is our own house and people kick us out” it is exactly what’s happening here its so hard to be an Iraqi, but no matter how it get worse I’ll always have the Sumerian blood and I refuse to belong to any other nationality..

Sunshine

Miscellaneas...

2008-07-16T21:55:00.001+03:00

Many things happened in the last 3 weeks, our physics teacher (who was excellent) was threatened and left Iraq, leaving us wondering what shall we do next, after spending 3 days calling students we know and teachers we found a physics teacher but after we took four lectures we decided to go to another one because he wasn’t good !!!! now I found another teacher (he’s no. 4) and I am glad of my decision…
2 weeks ago I had mathematics exam and I took 100% , I like mathematics a lot.. and I had chemistry exam but I made some mistakes in one of the questions .. in my way to the chemistry class, I found the neighborhood surrounded and I had to go walking alone, it was early in the morning and no one else was in the street, my only fear was from dogs! Then I noticed a guy wearing dirty T. shirt about 25 years old or so , he was staring at me in suspicious way that made me feel really terrified, I started to walk faster and faster till I reached, first I walked without looking back, then I took a fast look and saw him again, the whole way I was thinking how can I protect myself? What should I do ? maybe he’s a thief? ? whom should I call ? the police? How can I expect them to protect me if they can’t even protect themselves?! I had millions of thoughts but I kept praying and praying… maybe he was a good guy who knows!! But he didn’t seem so.. anyway I’m glad I am ok now.
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this week the students of the sixth class had finished their final exams, you know there’s no other chance, and those exams will define their future carrier, such important exams makes the students get nervous and worry about their future, and makes them want to do their best to get high marks, to achieve their goals graduate from high collages and rebuild Iraq, unfortunately, the students had a lot to think about beside studying, they were wondering if they’ll have electricity at night so that they can study till late time, or whether the roads will be closed next day or they’ll arrive school easily? “ it’s possible that A curfew may start in every sec and last for days!” The government may postponed the exams in the last second just like what happened last year when two exams were postponed in the last minute ! Beside everyone knows the militias got the questions for those who support them, and the reconciler who correct the questions are not fair with all students, imagine studying in such hot weather (WITHOUT ELECTRICITY ALL THE TIME) and having exams under the burning sun, without even a ceiling above the students, many fainted, they couldn’t bare the hot weather and stress .. it seems like the government is doing it’s best not to provide good circumstances for the generation that will re-build Iraq, but you know what? The Iraqi students bare a lot, and don’t give up, they have a great will and determination, my friend attended the private lessons one week after she was injured when a car bomb exploded, she used to take the classes feeling pain because shrapnel entered her arm and right side of her body, I bet only Iraqi students can do that....
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my mom spent a week in Baghdad as you know, I felt so lonely, my mom is my best friend and we are really close so it was hard for me to spend a week without her, but I was so glad because she visited my grandparents and saw Baghdad, I know how much she misses them , so I didn’t complain much :D
mama told me about Baghdad now, she said it doesn’t seems like Baghdad in the past, it’s like Tehran now!! Hearing that made me devastated I love my country and I don’t want it to be like Iran. Our friends who lives in Baghdad (uncle S and his family) will leave Iraq they said they can’t take it anymore, they can’t see lovely Baghdad being destroyed and controlled by people who are not even Iraqis and don’t care about Iraq, so my mom went to say goodbye, they kept crying the whole time, also they were really upset because I couldn’t come to Baghdad and see them for the last time..
uncle S is my grandpa’s best friend, and I love him and his family a lot, I can’t imagine going to Baghdad without seeing them, they started to sell the cars and possessions, they’ll leave their house, neighbors, friends, relatives , neighborhood, and country, carrying nothing but memories, wondering if they’ll find a good safe life abroad or not, hoping they’ll come back to their country soon..
Many relatives and friends left Iraq, I wonder who’ll be next!
My friend who lives in UK asked me about the situation in Iraq and Mosul about 3 months ago I told him that I think within 6 months everything will be calm, now I have no idea if we’ll have a secured life or not, we definitely need a new mission to make Mosul free from terrorists because the ex-one worked for a short time only..
yesterday 6 car bombs exploded, I went to the ophthalmologist with grandpa, sister and dad, we left the house at 1:30 and arrived it at 5:30 !! the way was horrible, all the roads and bridges were either crowded or closed, while we were stuck in a road, two ambulances came, road was soooooo crowded and cars couldn’t notice the ambulances, it was a horrible situation the ambulances’ drivers were shouting “GIVE US A SPACE FOR GOD’S SAKE, WE HAVE INJURED PEOPLE” not everyone was able to hear him because of the sounds of police cars and horns, a young boy sell handkerchiefs (he was about 8 years old working at noon under the burning sun, sweating and terrified ) started to run and say “there are ambulances , go back” the drivers started to give space by driving over the pavement, but still the ambulances couldn’t pass by, there were hundreds of cars ! a soldier from the national guards started to kick the barrels and rockets angrily (the national guards put rockets and barrels to divide the roads into two parts, one stay for the emergency like if they were attacked they can drive hastily there without hitting the cars and the other one fits only one car to pass each time) the ambulance was next to our car and I saw the injured people through the window, I immediately hugged my sister so that she doesn’t see anything, I won’t forget the desperate sigh of an injured woman, she looked into my eyes and her face was covered with blood just like she was saying “please pray for me” most of the injured people I saw were guys, may they recover soon, and god save everyone.. ….
Till next time,
Sunshine.

I miss my mom..

2008-07-06T16:17:00.004+03:00

Yesterday mama went to baghdad with my sister and brother, i couldn't join them because i didn't want to miss my private lessons .. Mama left mosul at about 6 am, and arrived at 1:30 pm (in the past, we used to arrive baghdad after 4 hours driving) .
I miss my grandparents, relatives, friends , and baghdad a lot, i wish i could visit them too ..
I'll spend my time studying, and i'll write a long post as soon as i can , i have a lot to say..

(few pics for Baghdad in the past.. )

With love,
Sunshine .

As much as i give, I get ..

2008-06-26T11:51:00.001+03:00

Last week, on Wednesday the 18th I woke up in the morning at about 8 feeling uncomfortable because I had asthma attacks at night, and I was taking my breath hardly, we didn't have electricity and the weather was soooooooooo hot , what a pleasant night! it's similar to all summer nights in Iraq! ..
Anyway, I had my breakfast and decided to organize my room, I have tons of copybooks and booklets of different subjects, I had to arrange them so that I can find what I am searching for easily, I was worried because I didn't find a math teacher, and so sad because my friends didn't offer to help, I was thinking with myself, I owe them many favors. one of my friends attended the chemistry class with my help, I called the teacher and he added her to a group just because he knew me and my family, then when I needed her help she let me down.
I was sure that god won't let me down, because I helped my friends and many students I know, and students I don't even know and haven't met before! Few days ago a girl called me saying she's a neighbor of my friend who was with me in primary school and asked for my help!!!, and I didn't say no because I should try and do what I can, that's what my mom taught me. Not to be selfish and know that as much as I give, I get,
Then I decided to make one last effort to find a teacher or group , I called my mom and asked her to ask Dr. O who works with her about the name of the math. teacher that teaches his sister, and if they have a seat for me among the class. he replied " Mr. T is my sister's teacher, and they can add one girl to the group , and they'll attend the first class tomorrow at 3 pm, " I was surprised but my mom asked him to ask the teacher, his sister and her friends first, later at 9 pm he called and said I can join them, I started to jump up and down . Do you believe in miracles ?!!
I went to the teacher's house, not believing what happened! The girls were from a different high school, the Dr's sister (M) became my friend so quickly! She's very friendly, I liked her a lot, beside my new teacher is so good..
Dr. O was really excited because I joined his sister's group , I met him couple of times and he spent 3 days with us when we went for a trip to the north, so he knows me, and he asked my mom if I can spend more time with his sister so encourage her study well and learn how to spend her time wisely, he told my mom he'd love if we ("M" and I ) can be friends because he thinks her friends are "misleading" his sister ..

****************************************************
I attended the first physics' class with a group of girls that I haven't met before, but I couldn't stay any longer, because they didn't know the basics in physics! So I joined M's group with a different teacher, he's also really good..
Today we took our second subject in physics, I arrived M's house early in the morning and then "H" arrived, she was so pale and didn't say a word, we were shocked and asked her what's going on she said " in my way to M's house, I saw two dead men, in the street" I was talking with my other friend and turned quickly saying "what?, were they really dead?" the teacher then arrived and he started to explain the new subject, but "H" couldn't concentrate at all, she was looking at the wall! after an hour, while the teacher was examining us she turned even more pale and started to sweat, she wanted to get up, but she couldn't, I thought she's going to faint, quickly M brought some water and I gave her something sweet to eat, then she washed her face, and started to cry and cry saying "I can't forget the view"… I know how does she feel, I went through the same thing too, and till this moment, the image of the killed man I saw can't leave my mind at all, sometimes I wake up thinking about him, although I don’t know whom he was.
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The situation is not good in these days, the terrorists are murdering professors and educated citizens with their family members, and I feel so worried because my friends' parents are Dr.s, or professors, and have PHD degrees from England and other countries which makes them targets..
Whenever I feel bored from studying I say to myself "no, I'll study, the terrorists try to make us feel desperate by destroying the electricity and everything makes our life easier so that we don't have desire to study, and they kill the educated people, to make us lose the hope, but I'll study and be something important in the future, no matter what they do" the horrible things they do make me even more determined to study.. Because I don't want them to achieve their goal, and as I always say, they will never win…
Till next time, be safe and keep praying
Sunshine.

W.i.S.d.O.m T.o.O.t.H

2008-06-15T19:47:00.002+03:00

A week ago, my mom and I decide to make some delicious Donuts for us and for our neighbors as their father “A” left Mosul few months ago, after he was kidnapped and had to pay lots of money to be released.
my sister took the donuts, but came running saying cheerfully “UNCLE “A” CAME BACK” , what a great coincidence! It was great to have him back , although it is still dangerous but he couldn’t stay any longer..
We visited him last Sunday, and there were other people as well visiting A’s family, we had great time, and talked about many things, about life abroad and how hard it was, etc .. I like to talk with uncle “A” a lot, we talked about Syria, the life there, the prices and many stuff, he told me “ you know Sunny, abroad, I was nothing but a stranger. I counted the days, and months to return home, although the life in Iraq is hard, but here I am the king of my world, while I am only a stranger in other countries” .
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This week , we stopped the privet lessons for awhile, and I had my physics exam, it wasn’t easy at all.
I am not studying hard, I know the 6th class is so important, but I also know I don’t need to be so serious and ruin my health and freak out!
I am taking a break now, but we’ll continue the privet classes next week, I still want to change the mathematics teacher, I hope I’ll find a better one ..
I also had an operation for my impacted wisdom tooth, OMG, I was so terrified, the Drs. were nice , but my case wasn’t easy, the surgeon spent 45 minutes trying to extract it, while it usually takes 15 minutes or 20 maximum ! before the surgery the Drs. were joking with me .
first when the Dr. started the surgery I couldn’t look, I closed my eyes and I was feeling the pressure on my jaw, then I decided to have a look.. after the surgery my cheeks were swollen as well as my lip (hehe I looked like Angelina jooli !) and I spent the first few days asleep most of the time because of the medications, beside I couldn’t talk nor open my mouth , and could only drink juice (it is a good way to loose some weight), my family keep saying they miss my talk! I like to talk a lot, can you imagine that I had to watch the game quietly !! and I couldn’t shout “GOOOOL” !! . the Iraqi team played really well and won . I hope we’ll win all of the next matches, Football is the only joy for the Iraqis in these days…
I’ll spend the next days on computer of course, and I may read a little bit biology (preparing for the 6th exam) I’ll study the “Evolution” and “Genetic” in the holiday. But I’ll study the “reproduction and growth” and “the cell” chapters during the Academic year …
Till next time, take care
Sunshine..
P.S I didn’t forget to answer the question you left in the comments section, but I just don’t have time ! nor electricity.. Pardon moi !

Busy summer holiday ....

2008-06-05T17:36:00.001+03:00

Finally we finished the Arabic curriculum last week, the teacher was satisfied, he said he’d never seen a group like ours, like to study, hard workers, and serious ..
The Arabic teacher is unique person, he has such a great strong personality, serious, polite, and respectful, he likes me a lot, he gave me so much attention, more than anyone, I intended to be quiet, and when I talk, I tell him about notes I read in different books about the subject we are talking about, and that made the teacher so pleased ..
My friends and I began to attend Chemistry and Mathematics private lessons, we took few lectures, but I want to change my Mathematics teacher, I hope the group of the other teacher will accept .. I pray for that..
The situation was good for a week, but now we started to hear explosions, mines and shooting. Car bombs and mines exploded and killed many people, injured others, and destroyed the citizens houses.
Few days ago , I was waiting for the chemistry class to begin, so I sat on the edge of the window, talking with my friend about my favorite Turkish serial called “Noor” , and my other friends were listening to music, suddenly an explosion happened and the blast opened the windows and some small chops fall on me, I went quickly outside the room, and tried to call my dad but I couldn’t get through, I felt so worried and my head was going to blow out, because my dad said he’ll take a walk near the teacher’s house, I kept sending SMS’s to dad, and each second I’d check my mobile during the class, after 2 hours, the class was over and I went outside running! I felt so glad when I saw dad ..
Next day, my driver couldn’t come, so my mom sent me her driver, he was 15 minutes late, and I felt extremely mad, I really hate to wait, I am very exact in time, anyway, we reached the teacher’s house and I kept knocking on the door, but no one replied, I felt scared, the street was empty and the driver had big tattoo on his shoulder!! I called my friend and she said the class was postponed one hour ! “what shall I do?!” I thought, then I decided to spend this hour waiting in our friends’ house which wasn’t far, I spent the time there with the grandmother, as everyone else was at work .. I called my friend and asked her to meet me in a nearby place so that I go with her to the teacher’s house again, when she called me, I went outside to wait for her, it is the first time I walk in the street alone since the war began, I felt horrified, the street was empty, I stood near a car wrecks, previously blown up , and waited for my friend, what scared me most is there was couple of workers staring at me, I was wondering what to do, run ? walk ? I took few steps back, and called my friend who was stuck in a checkpoint, and asked her to stay on the phone with me, it is scary to walk in the street alone, in a country with no security, there is no 911 here!
Yesterday I went with my mom to her work ,I had great time there and met Baghdadentist, I’ll have an operation soon for my impacted wisdom tooth, I am really nervous, I hate the needle hehe ..
Keep praying for us ,
With my love,
Sunshine..

Um Al-Rabeeain operation..

2008-05-24T20:46:00.001+03:00

Couple of days ago, I came home after I spent long time trying to find an open road in the hot weather, as soon as I came home I had my lunch and went straight to bed, I had a long nap! I was really tired.. but at night I couldn’t sleep well.
I think I fall asleep at 1 am or so ! at 5:00 Am , my dad awoke me saying “WAKE UP SUNNY, we have inspection” I was asleep and wondering with myself “what?! ” I wore my robe and sat in the living room, I was still sleepy ,yawning and wearing my pajamas as well as all the family members, the soldiers were Iraqi ,so polite, and they didn’t break anything, actually they apologized for awaking us .. we’ve been inspected by national guards many times, and twice since the operation started, and in each time they were nice and respectful..
Then I went to bed ! and woke up at 7:30 to study, because I had an Arabic exam (preparing for the sixth grade), at 8 am the driver called me saying he can’t come , he was stuck in the road, and he said the bridges and roads are closed and there is no way I can pass to the other side of city, so I called the teacher and my friends and postponed the class..
Next day, I spent 2 hours in my way to the teacher’s house, at last I was going to cry whenever we enter a road we see tanks and try another one, however, I reached late, and in my way home I was stuck in the road again for a long time.. but I know the national guards are doing a great job and catching the bad guys.
I heard that the Drs. in the hospital made a small celebration and prepared lunch because they didn’t receive injured people due to explosions in the last few days, they were so happy .. Everyone here is in high spirits and feel there’ll be a better tomorrow..
This mission is great, so many terrorists were caught, and I can feel the difference, people go out and talk feeling safer than before, I don’t hear shootings and explosions as much as I used to,I can say they are 90% less..
Yesterday I was in my way to the teacher’s house, and was smiling the whole way, I didn’t see residue of car bombs burning nor bullets’ covers, or any signs for a previous fight.
I know there is still a long long way till Iraq heals and return to the way it was before, and there are billions of things need to be done, but I am trying to focus on the positive things, everything has a solution the only thing we are seeking for now is safety, it is a great bless to have safety, I didn’t know how important safety is till I lost it, life without safety is unbelievable, there isn’t any word can express that, imagine yourself among criminals having guns and killing everyone around you and you can’t protect yourself, it is the most horrible thing that can happen to anyone , and I hope those events I and every Iraqi witnessed will be only memories and stories we tell to the next generations..
Even my 4 years old brother noticed the change , yesterday we were playing, he said he’ll go downstairs to bring his toys “ alone”, “there’s no explosions today” he said,, I was shocked and thought wow even a 4 year old kid noticed that!! I hope he can get better and start speaking well again (few months ago he lost his ability to pronounce and create sentences correctly when a car bomb exploded about 30 meters away from our house, he was in the bathroom alone and got panicked and since then he stutter a lot)..

In these nights I sleep comfortably, at least I can’t hear my heart beat ! time I hopefully night bruxism will stop, I still suffer from killing cramp in my jaw, now I spend more time in my room and even change my clothes there !!
There are a lot of things I want to do in the coming days, not now, but within a month or so to make sure the situation will remain good, I want to fix my room, and hide the places that were damaged because of the fights I am excited.
May god bless Iraq, and National guards ,and save everyone ..
Sunshine

Keep the innocence..

2008-05-17T17:33:00.002+03:00

A new operation started in Mosul last Saturday at 6:00 am ..
On Friday, at 11 Pm I was answering my E-mails, and reading my comments, when my friend phoned me saying “there’ll be curfew” and she said she doesn’t know for how long ! so our Arabic lesson should be canceled! I went downstairs to watch the news, there was this announcement:( to the citizens’ of Mosul, we knew from our resources that car bombs entered Mosul and the targets are citizens and the vivacity centers, inside the city and the countryside, so to ensure the safety of the citizens of Mosul City, it has been decided that : starting from this night there’ll be curfew and everyone don’t follow that, will be consider as a suspect for the national guards and US soldiers).
I told my grandparents and my mom at once, and also sent messages to my relatives warning them, and went to bed, it wasn’t the first time we have curfew lasts for awhile, ( we have curfew everyday starts at 10:00 Pm and lasts till 6:00 Am ) but I felt scared when I read “car bombs entered Mosul” and spent the night suffering from insomnia, I remembered all the times I saw the house damaged and wondered if my family members were alive and well or not , and hoped it will never ever happen again ..
In the next morning I heard in the Radio that the new operation Started, I felt relived, because I know the reason behind this sudden curfew.
In the first two days, we couldn’t go outside the house, but on the third day the national guards allowed us to walk in the street ..
Everyone knows the new operation may starts in every sec , and the curfew may last for few weeks probably, so my dad bought every thing we need, rice , flour, eggs, cheese ,oil, meat , vegetables , fruit, etc. but there are many families can’t buy all those stuff , and live day by day, so when the national guards allowed the citizens to walk , many people started to do shopping, but this time, the prices were doubled or got higher 30-50% ..
It breaks my heart to see my people living under hard circumstances, there are many issues need to be solved, like economy for example, and many other things, but who cares ?!! I think about those problems more than the PM ,I guess !! .
On the third day, grandpa saw our neighbor sitting on the side walk with some other neighbors, he joined them, they spent some time talking and drinking tea, then a fight started in far away neighborhood, dad immediately harried to carry Yosif inside , as soon as he carried Yosif a bullet hit the pavement where Yosif was standing !! I am so thankful it didn’t hit Yosif ..
All the men ran inside their houses leaving the chairs and tea out .. thank god no one was injured ..
In the next day, everything was calm, so we went (walking) to my dad uncle’s house, we spent about two hours or so there, and I met their relative who rent a nearby house, and it appeared he’s one of my fans :D he’s well educated and interested in reading books about policy and history..
Today we didn’t have curfew, so I attended my Arabic class, and spent about 2 hour trying to reach the lecturer’s house, the roads were closed and there were many tanks in the streets, and many check points, the road was so crowded and there was a woman needed to go to the hospital very fast, and the driver was shouting telling the national guards to allow him to go to the hospital , I had to traverse 6 districts to find an open road !!..
The situation today is not good, we heard many explosions and shooting.. and there were sounds of helicopters since the early morning, as well as many tanks as I mentioned ..
Because of this military operation, and that affected my schedule, I was planning to start the chemistry, physics, and mathematics’ classes on the fist of June but now I can’t, because not all of my friends got high marks and qualified to skip the final exams..
I really hope Mosul will be free of terrorists, I don’t mind spending 3 months stuck in the house, if there’ll be a happy end, we want to live in peace, we are tired of the continues fights, kidnapping, and killing. all Iraqis want their lives back, I want to go back to my room and sleep there, and I am eager to the day we’ll fix our house and be aware it won’t be damaged, whenever I look at our walls or my closet and see the bullets and shrapnel, my heart breaks, each damaged corner in the house has a painful story ..
I want to be able to walk freely in the streets without being afraid of terrorists, many times I wonder, god created us all equally, and gave us mind to think , and feelings to sense, everyone like children because they are so innocents, why some of those children grew up and became evils ? why people fight each other ? I can’t understand that, why someone wake up in the morning and his attention is to kill ? I can’t understand the reason that motivate people to kill, sometimes they kill because of nationality!, religion!, race, some times I wish everyone can remain a child to keep the innocence!
Stay safe ...
Sunshine